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Mind Your Own Parenting

A different perspective

By Chelsea LewisPublished 3 years ago 4 min read
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My daughter Harmony and I at her 6th birthday party.

Twice recently, something has happened that has made me stop and rethink my actions as a parent. Luckily for me, I walked away both times self assured that I had done the right thing, but when that happened, I was then forced to ask myself, "what the hell? I'm 35 years old and still have to worry about being told on to my mom."

Now you're thinking where is this going. Well, let me just start this off with a little story telling.

When my daughter was 8 or 9 years old, we were so blessed to receive the gift that was TikTok. Anyone who is anyone was on TikTok and the age group most drawn to it and still is drawn to it is girls ages 8-15. My daughter was definitely one of these girls. I remember hearing them listening to videos on the app and thinking, "there's a little more cussing than is appropriate, but hell they have Siri and Google, get over it."

Apparently, get over it was not the right reaction if you agree with some of the moms I am around.

I am the mom that roller skates everywhere with them. I'm the mom with tattoos and wild hair. I have even been called "the cool mom" (I know, I'm going to jinx it by saying it out loud.) But just because I do these things and am bestowed such honorable labels, doesn't mean I'm the mom who is going to sit back and watch them make horrible life choices.

So a little time has went by, and the kids have gotten pretty advanced in their TikTok skills. They have multiple accounts on the app and have made probably thousands of videos. I get a call one night from my mom. (This would be my daughter's grandmother in case someone isn't keeping up.) She is all distraught and upset because it had been discovered by another mom that the kids in my daughter's clique had learned to put their parents on their block list, along with anyone they deemed likely to tell their parents anything they might see on the account. That way they could make videos that maybe said parents wouldn't approve of. They had called my mom, the grandmother, instead of calling me! Why you ask? Because I wasn't on the block list.

Immediately, my mom feels embarrassment and anger. How could I know about these videos and not do anything? My ten year old daughter was flipping the middle finger on the internet for everyone to see. She was shaking her bootie. For the love of God we must do something.

But should we? Or is it possible that the tattle tells are just...ignorant or even jealous? Because remember, I wasn't on the block list. I had even seen the making of said middle finger flipping photos. I also knew about tattle tell's daughter having a boyfriend that her mom didn't know about. I also knew that these three had tried vaping, and that these 3 had had their first kiss. I knew more about all of them than any of their tattle tell parents. And the reason I did was simple, I treat them like a friend, which means talking to them like adults and not jumping to punishment over cussing or an embarrassing video. Believe me in about 3 years those videos are going to be punishment in themselves. The internet is forever.

We must pick our battles as parents. Nothing is more crucial than this. You can start off strong and push them away, or you can be their friend, even when others may think you need to be their whip. I've never been much for a whipping.

I may have let them get away with a few things. I think I may even instill more trust in them than I should at times, but I do this to build a bond that is equally trusting from both sides. These kids whom flock to my house - my tiny two bedroom one level house - in herds of 6 or 7 ready to sleep over every weekend night, they come there because they have fun and more than anything they can be themselves. They can be themselves and I get to see this. I've watched them put on acts to their own parents that they knew I wouldn't have bought for a second. This display of authenticity is what reassures me that I'm doing the right thing. They are only 10-12 years old right now. If they are already hiding themselves from their parents, and worse, their parents are buying it, boy I see some disappointing days ahead full of lies and deceit. I choose to instead offer them an environment where they can be completely honest with me, even when it means biting my tongue and finding the nicest way to tell them they are wrong.

I'm sure I'll still hit plenty of bumps in the road. Parenting is no piece of cake for anyone. I'm a single mom and it's not been easy so far. I think I have to trust my gut on this stuff though, not that tattle telling on me would have been the eye opening either way. Baahhh!

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