Milestones vs Mommy

We like to think that it gets easier, this parenthood thing. But it stays hard all the time. It's just... a different kind of a hard with every new stage.

When your pup is new, it's in what someone else lovingly told me was the "loaf of bread stage". They don't really wiggle or squirm too much, they mainly just cry, eat, poop and sleep.

The advantage of this stage is that your little loaf of bread can be placed anywhere secure for a limited time without disappearing like a tiny ninja might. This grants you relief for quick human moments like: brushing your teeth, peeing, fixing a cup of coffee, switching laundry, or grabbing a diaper.

The tough part of this loaf of bread phase is that your loaf of bread isn't always as quiet or agreeable as a real loaf of bread might be. It is a fragile thing which you've likely never been responsible for its survival. Your newness at this whole parenting thing also blinds you to the fact that this, this right here, is the "easiest" hard stage.

Milestones always seem like such an exciting goal. The sweetness of these little firsts is a mind game; new skills means your job gets easier! Not true. That's where the "different kind of hard" thing comes into play. This idea is parallel to the "Mo' Money, Mo problems" theory... New skills mean new things to get into, and new death traps to save your tiny toddler from.

Milestones vs Mommy in a nut shell:

BRAND NEW, USELESS LUMP: Your loaf of bread doesn't move for now, but you have to carry it everywhere and do everything for it.

CRAWLING & WALKING: Suddenly the bread has grown legs and has this tiny electric brain that needs to discover all the light sockets and see all the things. Now you must chase the gremlin bread. The gremlin bread can get around on its own but doesn't understand much, so its emotions are utter chaos. Their newfound independence is charming, but God forbid you close a door they wanted to close, or say the wrong thing (you will never know if it's the wrong thing even if it is clearly the right thing) ALL HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE.

VERBALIZATION WITH POOR COMMUNICATION SKILLS: The emotional gremlin bread learns to speak, much like Tarzan, so you have a walking, independent-wannabe, Tarzan gremlin bread, voicing its grammatically incorrect opinions.

~Periodic Breakdown of the Unit~

Tarzan gremlin bread no process chaotic emotion good. Tarzan gremlin bread no understand sleepy sleepy or hungry hungry, just angry angry. Mommy confused. Mommy tired. Mommy becomes Tarzan gremlin bread too. Daily life until the next milestone is thrown at you.

VERBALIZATION CONT'D... At least they can tell you when they need to poop, and if they want to eat. But, they can also tell you they don't like you. So there's that. And there is a lot of that. Eventually their sentence structure tightens up and their vocabulary grows at an impressive rate, so the delivery of their hatred of you becomes quite clear.

Moving ahead for me as a mom, the forecast projects: More smart-assedness, continued clinginess and lots of hours trying to entertain a tireless gremlin. And I'm fine with it. All of these moments are fleeting, just like every old person in the universe has ever said before. And it's the truest thing I've ever heard.

I remind myself to lean in and try to remember these funny tiny moments with my grumpy gremlin. I lose some battles to win the war, and take a deep breath, remembering that tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow, he will be another day smarter, another day bigger, and another day closer to less kisses, snuggles and co-sleeping. These sweet days are numbered.

Just a few moments ago, I was told that I was going in the trash if I didn't get him a toy out of his box... Delivered with a lip smack.

So. Parenthood is going great.