Marriage Made from Heaven

Marriage Made From Heaven -In-Laws from Hell...

Remember when you saw "the one" that special someone you wanted to get to know better. The person that you thought about all day long. That person you just could not wait to see on the next date... You took the time to get to know that person deeper and more personally. You talked about long term goals and short term goals, conversations about your families and how you grew up. You shared stories about how your parents raised you and all the special things that you kept deep in your heart. You did everything together and could not see a life without that person in it! You both knew that he/she was the one for you... Talks about marriage came up with the long term conservation of kids including how many, and when to start. Both of you knew that the other one would make an amazing husband/wife and would make a wonderful Mother/Father some day.

You asked them to meet your family which we all know is the most intimidating experience you could ever have! Many dates went by, and for some, not so many before you took that next step in asking the big question... “Will You Marry Me?” You spend the next weeks/months, depending on how fast you want to move, planning the "Big Day." You have everything done, and everything is in place for your wedding day. Unfortunately, if you have in-laws like I did, then they will tell you when and where you should get married; threaten you both that “You are making the wrong choice and that you can't do this!” Say that, “You are hurting your Mom and I.” Adding, “I will not walk you down the isle if you choose that date” pleading to, “Give your Mom and I some more time to get to know him better.” If you have not had that then great, I am very happy for you!

Wedding bells chime and you have the most beautiful day... You have your first kiss and the first dance, then off to the honeymoon you go. What you don't realize while you are gone is that the next chapter of your marriage is coming full force at you when you get home... “The In-Laws!” When you marry someone, did you not know that they come with the package too? Sigh! Well I knew this, but I didn't realize how much pull some In-Laws have. When you start to realize that nothing you do is good enough, you have them judge you on everything you do. When they start telling you how to live and when to start your family, how to raise your children, what you are doing wrong with your children, they even tell you what to put on Facebook, who to talk to, and the list goes on...

For some of the guys out there, your In-Laws tell you the right kind of job to get and if you work hard enough. Then if they don't think you work hard enough then they say you have to work harder. It makes a guy feel as though we are no good and that we have to dress for success. So we put on the happy face and pretend that everything is okay, when in reality it's not. Inside, you are as mad as words cannot express. You keep all this in because you love your wife with all your heart and soul and you know what you would like to say would hurt her deeply. You start getting into fights about the In-Laws and things start to spiral downhill from there! When is enough? When do you say NO I am not doing this any more? How can we live with this in our lives?

Let me tell you, I have been through all this and there has been many times when I wanted to yell at my In-Law's and tell them, “Stay away!” To say, “If you don't like me then don't come around.” I love my wife with all my heart and could not imagine my life without her and my amazing children... To all of you out there who may be going through this or in the same boat, I know what you are thinking: there was no warning label to say, “Be aware of the In-Laws!” I have been through... to say the least, "Hell and Back" with my In-Laws, and my wife has been there with my parents too. So, how do you balance a healthy lifestyle with your In-Laws? To be honest, I have never gotten that far. I was just taking one day at a time.

When you talk to your spouse about how you are feeling then you really do make the change in the atmosphere of your marriage, and yes, your spouse may be hurt and even upset with what you have to say, but keep in mind though, that they are more likely to be upset with the situation than with how you're feeling! The fact is that no matter how mad you are at your In-Laws you are married to your husband/wife. They are what counts, and then everything after that is icing on the cake. I knew that there might never be any change with my In-Laws. So I had to decide to just live with the way God made them and hope that eventually they will see a change in me with how I handle certain situations when they come up and that might change their demeanor with me. Don't get me wrong, I loved my In-Laws and would wish no harm to them at all. That just makes it even harder to deal with when things come up. Believe me it's not just me that has been through hell and back with their In-Laws. My wife has had it just the same with my parents too.

My wife and I come from completely different backgrounds which make it harder for both of us. I was married to my wife for three years, and we were on an amazing journey with lots of ups and downs along the way, but let me say one thing: even though we are no longer together it was during those hard times that I stayed closer to my wife than I have ever before, because of EVERYTHING that we went through together! That is the main key here: “together,” you will get through anything that comes your way. Without the other one backing you, you're just hitting your head against a brick wall that will never come down, which is what I went through most of the three years of marriage.

Because of my wife's background, she was afraid to stand up to her father. He intimidated her a lot and because I was her husband, she took that out on me a lot... Again, standing "together," you can get through anything. "Separated," you will only fall! Even though I stood by my wife during our three years of marriage, I never really got the same support back. This made me a stronger husband for my wife, even though she did not see it at the time. When you are going through those hard times, never blame the opposite one.

Keep your, "Marriage Made in Heaven" and all you can do is try to live with the "In-Laws from Hell."