Love Matters Session Number 3

Awesome talks in our last session! we covered a great deal of information and wanted to recap and list a few things here regarding relationships and family connections. Yes, as we pointed out, you do marry the family if you like it or not! We get right to the point and hold no punches here! We talked about how vital it is to get in front of family members of your potential mate to see what you are dealing with for so many reasons.

The most important factor is to see the overall history of his or her family. Are we dealing with someone that has trouble with the law, or do we have a number of family members that have different types of run ins with the law. How does this family value education (not just formal school education) should be your area of concern and especially if those aspect of your life doesn't line up with your ideas of formal and informal education. Any area that covers moral values and religion to politics could be hot button topics and its best to see what you are getting into now, before its too late!

We also discussed what kind of timeframe you should allow yourself to review other family members. As I said before, soon as possible the better. My recommendation is within 90 days, depending on the level of seriousness of the relationship. I would stick firmly to the 90 days if you date with intentions and over the age of 40. Yes, time begins to slip with regards to dating over this age, and our selection process tends to be a bit more intense as to who we spend our time with. Now please don't get this confused with my "90-event Challenge" because the two differ, but this can also be incorporated with meeting the family. It cost nothing to observe your potential mate from the eyes of the most important people of their lives, the family.

Everyone is too busy looking for "Superman" or "Superwoman" and fail to see the Kryptonite that can potentially doom their person to be. Not only will you get to explore a closer look at his or her family, you will get to observe a natural state of behavior and how others view your potential as well. Also, very important, how your mate treat others. It beats the typical questions and the "yearbook" response which could mask possible issues that you do not want to deal with well beyond the words of "I do". Yes, there are many factors to consider and I think the core values present themselves around his or her family. It is very important to monitor their behavior, but shouldn't be taken as an "in stone" reference with regard to what kind of person your mate is.

The ground can be somewhat confusing and shaky at times, but in my opinion you have a good idea of who you are dealing with once you see your mate conduct themselves around other family members. The answers are right there for you. Conflict resolution, behavior patters with previous relationships, its all there! Which we also covered, as a side note, how should your potential mate handle previous relationships and what boundaries should be exercised. Again, there is no solid answer or manual that could guide you on this subject. However, consider the two most major factors in any relationship: your state of comfortability and the level of history with his or her previous partner. Yes, that is a bunch to deal with on a difficult topic. For the sake of this quick short read, just remember that all situations are not the same and know who you are dealing with. It all ties back into what kind of family system they were product of! Did he or she come from a family of broken relationships or relationships that practice long suffering and what did they pick up from that. Normally you have two types that the family dynamics produce, the clone effect or someone who wants to break from the mold and not be like their family.

I hope this helped in what can be a confusing topic when deciding a potential mate. Hey, I understand, sometimes it is easier to thrown in the towel and forget about the difficult process of dating and the struggles it can present. It is a task when you are trying to mesh two family backgrounds into one household that you and your potential mate are trying to create. However, for the sake of the possible love and happiness that can be achieved, it is well worth it!