Lorelei's Letters - Letter One

I have written letters before that were addressed to my daughter; in fact, I keep a diary for her for when she's older with more, personal (specific family stuff and stuff I went through and am going through). A friend and an avid reader of mine suggested I do a series—since I've done them before, but make it a little more permanent.

Lorelei's Letters is a series of posts addressed for my daughter, but that have general statements that I believe everyone should hear from someone, at some point in their lives. Basically, they are letters from mother to daughter, trying to explain this crazy world, and give some advice. A lot of them are on dark topics that I hope my daughter will get through with no scars. I hope you enjoy or at least take something from the letters. Know that no matter who you are, where you are, or what you've done, you are loved. - A mother

Dear Lorelei,

There will be many people who come in and out of your life throughout your many years. Some, you probably won't even notice are fading out of your life until years later. Others, it will happen quickly. I wish I could say this is rare and only happens to a few people but I believe that everyone experiences this more than once in their lifetime.

People will leave you. Be it from breaking up in a relationship, a disagreement between friends, or even death. Most of these are no one's fault. It's easy to hold resentment against people that leave you. Relationship breakups might be the worst for this. It is very easy to hold resentment against someone in a relationship, especially when you're young. Please, when you're going through something like that, remember that in a few years, it probably won't matter too much, depending on the situation. If something is not meant to be, then it's not meant to be; friendships, relationships, even relationships with family. You may be hurt that they don't want to be in your life or how the breakup happened, but keep in mind that it is not your place to take revenge. No matter how much someone hurts you or how much you believe that they deserve to hurt like you are, that is not your job. I know it seems unfair at times, truly at the moment, it does. That's okay.

It's normal to feel anger. It's just how you express it that matters. You are not in the wrong to feel angry or sad or upset in any way. Do not let whoever you are breaking up with or ending a relationship with, tell you how to feel or that what you are feeling is wrong. They might yell and scream and sometimes they need to. You also do not have to stand and take it. Sometimes, even if they're in the middle of a fit, it's best for you to walk away.

The other thing I hope you remember is that sometimes you will have to end a relationship. Never, never feel like you have to stay around someone or keep them in your lives. You have all the power. I hate to say it, but even if it's family, you're allowed to walk away. There are many people who will support you and love you the way you deserve to be loved. Your obligations are only to yourself, love.

Death is a hard loss. It's not always foreseen and in my personal experience, it's almost harder when it is foreseen. That's not the case for everyone. Death is a really hard thing to cope with and everyone has their own ways of coping. You will find your way, I hope not for a very long time, but you will. Try not to push people away at this moment. In these moments, there aren't really words that can make you feel better or okay, but sometimes just feeling the presence of someone else's love, is enough to help with the pain.

Losing someone, no matter what the context of the relationship, is never easy. When someone comes into your life you don't think about the way you're going to lose them someday. And you shouldn't. You should enjoy every minute you have with the wonderful people in your life at that time. And know that even if I'm not on this Earth anymore, I've made arrangements so that you have so many people that will always be there to lend a shoulder to cry on. You will always have a place. You will always be loved and have a family—even if they aren't blood. It's not where you come from, it's where you belong. That's something I've been singing to you since the day you were born.

Our family is mostly people who we aren't actually related to. That doesn't make them any less family. Keep the family that you choose as close as you can. Not to say you shouldn't value our blood relatives, cause we do have some awesome ones of those too. But just remember that people, going in and out of your life is normal. Never let anyone tell you how to feel. Let karma handle revenge. Keep in mind that you are loved. Maybe not always in the way you want to be, but someone will always be there for you.

I love you, baby girl.

To the moon and back.

~Mommy