Life after the Loss of Our Child

I Need A Magic Wand

I am not perfect, and I don’t have it all figured out. Although, I am at a good place in my grieving process. Therefore, when I see someone who I’ve befriended on Facebook or personally and I know they are struggling with the grief of losing their son/daughter, it breaks my heart. I wish I could help them get to that place of peace that I have reached. I would love to help them try to live fully in memory of their child. If only they knew what I’ve learned on how to live life after losing our child. Can I get a magic wand to make that pain go away?

The Pain is Unbearable

It hurts, I know. It seems as if there is no hope in sight. The days are long, and the nights are longer. We don’t think we can make it. There is no space in our mind for anything else except to grieve the loss of our loved ones. There is only plenty of space to relive every second of our last moments with them and mourn every day of our lives. Not that we want to, it's just inevitable.

How Can it Be Described?

There truly are no words. Our parents die, we become orphans; our spouse dies and we become a widow/widower. But when our child dies, what do we become? There simply are no words. We know people mean well, but we do not care to hear anyone’s advice or comforting words because there aren’t any that will help us understand why. Especially when coming from people who have never experienced such a loss, a simple hug will do much more than words. We do not want to think about anything else other than our deceased child, so trying to divert our attention towards other things won’t help either. I know because I’ve been there.

What Were Their Dreams?

I advise those who are grieving the loss of their son/daughter to live for them. If your child(ren) were of talking age, most likely, you’ve had conversations with them. Try to recall those conversations. What did they like? What did they want to do and didn’t have the chance? Where did they want to go? What were their dreams? Once you’ve identified those things, try living for them. Do, in their memory, what they could not. Try fulfilling those dreams for them.

Keeping Their Memory Alive

If they loved horses, spend time at a stable, volunteer at one, or go horseback riding in your child's memory. Did they enjoy dancing? Then take dance lessons, teach dancing to another child or something to that effect. What was their favorite color? Paint a wall in your home in that color and make it a memorial wall for your child. There are so many things to do in memory of our child, which will keep us busy, give us a sense of accomplishment and believe me, make us feel happy once we reach our goal. Most important of all, our child will be so happy and proud of us even though he/she is in heaven. And, there’s no better feeling than knowing that our child is happy.

I journaled everything - my sadness, fears, anger, joyful moments. It helped me a lot. Later on, I turned my daily journals into a book about grief and how I handled it (Diary of a Grieving Mother's Heart), which I self-published on Amazon. If my daily journals can help at least one parent reach the place of peace that I have, then I am happy.

We Shall Live

I wish I had a little magic wand to make my grieving friends whole again, to heal their grieving hearts, but I don’t. That small magic wand is within each one of us. Only you can make it happen, and believe me, it is possible, and it helps us continue to live. My heartfelt blessings to all. {{Hug}}

Originally published at https://debbiesreflection.com/ on January 27, 2019.