Letting Your Teen's Partner Move In

My only daughter is 17. She is the only girl out of the 4. She's my baby girl, her father's princess, and we'd move heaven and earth to protect her. So why does her 18-year-old boyfriend live with us?

We were young when we had our first child (18) and married at 19, six months after he was born. We heard everyone tell us not to get married, it wouldn't last, etc. You know, when you are 18 there is nothing more likely to make you want to go out and do something than having people tell you not to!

We've made it through our ups and downs and now, our teens are the age we were when we met. I remember it like it was yesterday and I clearly remember knowing I would raise mine differently. I'm not disparaging how I was brought up at all. I had a great upbringing. But some things I planned to do differently.

Our daughter has been dating her boyfriend for two years. He would spend most of his time at our house. We got to know him. He became part of the family. They reminded us of us.

Many teens flit in and out of relationships. There is nothing wrong with that, so long as they are safe and sensible. Our daughter has never flitted in and out of anything. She's always set her mind to something and stuck to it. Her relationships are the same.

Over time, we realised that the two of them didn't hide their feelings or their thoughts from us and were much more open than we ever imagined they would ever be. They wanted to know what the rules were, and stuck to them. If they had a crisis, the first place they were turning to was us. I don't think we did anything special to make that happen. It's just their personalities. They would rather spend time with us than go out with friends.

Other people also started remarking on how the teen's relationship with us was something they aspired to. They were also talking about how they saw their relationship as lasting the distance, comparing them to people they knew who had been together since their school days.

So, when they broached the subject of our daughter's boyfriend moving in, we decided that it was something we could accept. There are rules. There has to be a degree of order. There are other children who live here as well. But it's working well, everyone is mucking in, and so far, we are all happy with the arrangement.

Their relationship may not last; who is to say? But our daughter knows she has our respect for her decisions, so long as they are undertaken in a manner that shows consideration, planning, and thought.