Letter to My Children's

To my children,

I can say that I grow up with friends as few as the houses I see from a far, whenever I climb my favorite tree.

And just like you all, I was not fond of being around people that much. In fact, if only you could all go back in time to see what school was like for me, you would find me precisely that unpopular girl at your school that nobody noticed.

Seldom would anyone see me talk to other children, except with my little sister Nilda who was always in glee and was not fond of wearing slippers as she found it a disadvantage during playtime?

I, on the other hand, was often as quiet as I was prim, and something about it made me so happy being a loner. I never thought I could be happier then until I had to bring and mind my little brother at school as my mother was always away to help my father makes end meet. Though at times my little body could give up to the weight of his, I find his tiny being the source of my invincibility. His smile was equal to the laughter of the children I could have been playing with and so alone as a child, I was happy just the same to have his company. It was then that his discomfort with noise during class recess encouraged me to find tranquillity that I come to like even up to the present. It was also then that I started to ask God to give me babies of my own in my innocent prayers particularly at night when my mother arrives to tuck my brother to sleep, and I had to sleep in a separate room.

All these childhood memories have flashed back vividly during my long nights in my hospital bed. And in those nights that I felt like sanity was slipping away. I made it stay by making my mind so busy mentally listing many things to say to each of you to make you remember always that you all are a gift I have prayed for from God. That has been the truth, my truth, even before I found out that I had to fall in love with your father to make it possible.

You, my children, are my saving graces, and I thank God for it. The thought of you growing up kind and helpful fills my heart with healing warmth. A warmth which is more effective than the radiation I have subjected to my body because of cancer.

I am a bit sad that my cancer has forced you to see life from a stark perspective when your minds were not ready to contain it, yet at the same time, I am hopeful that you would turn the pain it has caused you into something that you decide in choosing who you want to become in the future. By this, I do not mean that you must conquer the world with all the achievements and success you could get, as I know that there is a beautiful life beyond that - a life live simply.

I have seen and witnessed the world's beauty during my battle with cancer and let me tell you that I found it in the eye of helpful strangers who are volunteers from the cancer society. I found it in the hand of the kind doctors and medical team who made sure I was getting the comfort they could give best.

I found it in the love I have for you, and I see this beauty radiates from your hearts, too. The world needs this beauty, and you can only help spread it by always choosing to be helpful and kind.

Love

Mama