A little over two years ago, I found this site to write my stories and share with people the life lessons I have been taught throughout the years. But about a year ago I began to lose myself for good reason though. I was becoming a mother, I found out I was pregnant at the age of 21. I was lost, confused, and more importantly scared, I didn’t know what the world had in store for me but I thought I was sure enough I would make it through it. I had the love of my life beside me to help me figure it all out, I wasn’t alone.
This past year has definitely been an eye opener and has changed my life drastically. I love my son and I am still in love with the man I fell for just a year and a half ago. Nothing in this world could ever want me to replace the two men I have gained in my life over this time period. Yes, I have lost myself. But with high hopes and optimistic energy I know I will once again find the woman I am. I didn’t lose myself completely I have just grew wings now and I have blossomed on to this new part of my life. I won’t give you all the details as I am going to begin writing out my story to help reach out to other moms who may just be as lost but as hopeful as I am. And so now here I begin…
January 2018-July 2018
Just another day to some but to others it was time to head back to work after the Christmas break and I among all the rest were not looking forward to it. I was beginning a new factory job, as I have worked in factories my whole working life. It was nothing I hadn’t done before, but as an empath working in a new place its hard until you can master blocking others out, which I had begun working on but was no expert. Thankfully sticking to myself helped with most people, until the second shift would come in to get ready for their day. It was him, he was so hard to ignore. His energy radiated the whole building when he walked in. He was obnoxious and silly but he definitely was different than any energy I had ever felt. He didn’t even realize how much energy saturated his body, the emotions he felt were joyous and loving and they felt warm and inviting. I didn’t know him well but he would always talk to me and be smart with me like it was an impulse of his, I couldn’t help but laugh and play along.
The next few months continued the same every day, until one morning he walked in during my shift. I was not prepared, he didn’t need to absorb my energy to continue his days like others would when I would talk to them. He seemed to just naturally have a reserve of it, you could tell he didn’t know how he was doing it or where it was coming from but I could see it clear as day. Talking to him came naturally due to all this, and he seemed to feel the same way. Upon all this things in my life we're spiralling down and I wasn’t doing so well. But I had kept my positive outlook on life, I told myself I needed to keep going. When he found out what was going on he helped wherever he could, giving me rides after work and hanging out with me on breaks and lunches. I began to teach him about my abilities as an empath, how I felt so calm and happy while I was riding a storm, and just how important being there everyday was worth it. We clicked like missing puzzle pieces, he fit me and I vice versa, we were best friends and it seemed to be enough.
We both agreed we weren’t looking for anything but a friendship and we were happy just hanging out laughing together, singing to songs we both liked, and enjoying each others company. One weekend was all it took, it’s June now and we were starting to hang out together outside of work. I always told myself and others you shouldn’t date your coworkers because you don’t want to bring work home and vice versa. But he was different I guess, just getting to chill with him, watching TV, and laughing at nonsense. Time stood still, there just wasn’t enough of it in one day for us. We then decided we were better together and we didn’t need anyone else, or at least that’s what we thought.
Within our first month together we had grown so close, I had even moved in with him and his best friend. But it seemed that it would be short lived in all the fun we were having. As I had just woke up one morning and everything seemed to change. My body had changed, overnight in less than 24 hours I could feel it in myself something just felt off. When I woke up my first instinct was to wake up my man and let him know how I was feeling. My first whole sentence to him when he woke up was, “Hey, I think I may be pregnant.” He let out a small laugh thinking I may be joking, but for me it wasn’t a joke. I had 1% of a chance to get pregnant, that’s what the doctors had told me 7 years prior. I was totally accepting of this news so I never thought I would have kids and I had accepted this as well. Within the hour of getting this information we had already ran to the store and gotten two tests, I wasn’t quite prepared if that stick read pregnant but I knew in time I would be.
And just like that, one night and a little stick changed my whole life.