It's "natural" for children not to share

A boy is playing with a small car to transport goods, then another child comes and wants the car in his hand very much, so the mother next to him says: "Give the little brother the car to play a little, to know how to share!" Or "You are the big brother, you have to give way to the little brother, give her the toy to play with, you have been playing for a long time". If the child agrees to share the toy with his little brother, he will be praised: "You are great, you know how to share with others" if the child disagrees: "Why are you so selfish, you don't even know how to share", the child looks puzzled and seems to be saying. "My toy, why must I give it to others?"

So, should we share or not? How do you get your child to share voluntarily? That's what we're going to talk about today at Pocket Parenting.

1｜Try sharing one of your things

In the traditional concept, toys are meant to be shared, and not wanting to share is selfish. Imagine, on Valentine's Day, your husband gave you a box of chocolates, just delivered to the office, with a beautiful bow, when colleagues in the office said "share your chocolates with everyone", what would you do? Would you be reluctant to part with it? Someone said, "I can give it up!" I can't say anything about that, but I can only "lol". This box of chocolates is your favorite thing at the moment, and if you are asked to share it right away, you will inevitably be reluctant. The same goes for your child. When faced with his beloved toy, it is difficult for him to share it with others. Therefore, when your child does not want to share, think about what would happen if it were you, and then understand that it is normal for your child not to share, rather than labeling him or her as "selfish".

2｜Sharing also needs to wait

For example, you are texting on your phone and suddenly someone grabs it and says, "My phone is broken, I need to borrow your phone to make a call!" What would you do? Do you feel particularly angry? As adults, we all feel angry at this kind of unexpected behavior and want him to wait until we are done before using it. You can say to him, "Can you play for 5 more minutes and then give it to your brother?" It is easier to get the child's consent when he finishes his play and then shares it. At this time, his heart must be happy, and more importantly, he learns how to get along with children, that is, he can take turns playing with the toy. For another child, waiting 5 minutes is not easy, may feel frustrated, and angry, but so what? Isn't this a great time to learn self-control? In reality, not all wishes can be granted immediately, or even at all. So, it's important to wait a little while to let your child share.

3｜Selfishness comes before sharing

Children as young as two or three years old always like to say "Mine!" "This is mine!" Whatever is in his sight, he wants to declare it as his own. Congratulations, this means that your child has gradually formed a sense of self, and begun to be independent. This possession is part of the child's growing sense of self, and "mine" is the word that best expresses possession. Therefore, for a child of this age, it is difficult to ask him to share. Of course, some children can easily share with others, and the reluctance to share is not a big problem. As children grow older and begin to play with each other and cooperate in games, they will slowly see the value of sharing, but even so, they may be reluctant to share their special items, which is fine. Of course, there are ways to use so that your child can learn to share, so please read on.

4｜How can I get my child to learn to share?

For your child to share this matter, don't force him to do it. You can create an environment to encourage your child to share voluntarily. In the end, it takes patience and good parenting for your child to learn to "share".

1, play sharing games: games are a good way to better attract the attention of children. Play the game of "share the wealth": give your child some flowers, cookies, or toys, and then let him share them with dad, mom, grandpa, grandma, and the children, the whole game will be very happy, such games let him feel that sharing is a normal way of life, can spread happiness. One day after that, you suddenly find that he takes the initiative to share his toys or food with other children, then you will steal the joy, haha.

2. Share yourself and set an example for your child: Your child will simulate your behavior, so if you want him to share, you have to set a good example. When someone borrows something from you, your generosity is a great opportunity for him to learn. You can also set a great example for him when there are guests in the house: pull out your food and share it with everyone, "Want some of my popcorn?" Then sit and eat together, so that this influence becomes a regular thing in life, the child will come to follow your example and say to the children who come to play at home, "Want to play with this truck?" Isn't it easy to do this kind of sharing?

3. Let your child feel the consequences of not sharing. For an older child, if he is always reluctant to share his toys, he will find that no child wants to play with him at all, and when he is isolated, he will naturally learn the consequences of "not sharing", which will help him understand society. With some guidance and help from you, he will soon know what to do.

Some people have observed that children who maintain close links with their parents are more willing to share, probably because they enjoy the generous love of their parents and are willing to be generous, and because they have enough security, they need fewer objects of empathy and are more willing to share. So, to get your child to share, your unconditional love and link are also crucial.

5｜What if my child doesn't want to share?

Sometimes, no matter how much guidance you give, your child still doesn't want to share, it's okay to do him a little favor and say to the other child, "Auntie knows you must want to play with this car, but your brother is not ready to share yet. ". If the toy is his favorite or has some special meaning, and the child is not willing to share it at all, then you can say to the child, "Ao, this toy is a special toy for your brother, he does not want others to move it yet, you can play with other toys, such as this triceratops". Respect your child's ideas and teach him how to communicate with others in this situation.

Or you can do nothing and leave him to his own devices. Maybe they will argue about it, it's okay, let them figure it out, but of course, if the situation gets worse, you need to intervene right away so that your child doesn't get hurt.

In conclusion, we can guide our child to share but don't force him to hand over what belongs to him, or even insult him, this will make him even more reluctant to share and will create resentment, which is not good for the child's growth.

Finally, we would like to say that sometimes mothers feel humiliated by their children's lack of sharing, but this is not necessary! Parental "face" is not important, but rather the development of a child's integrity is the most important thing. The child's sense of entitlement comes first, and it is natural not to share; but at the same time, as parents, we should also pay attention to parenting and let our babies learn to share, rather than just going along with it.