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It's A Girl! Emotional, Beautiful and Amazing—Becoming A Grandmother At 50!

When your baby has a baby—where do you fit in?

By Ann ZukonPublished 6 years ago 3 min read
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A mother's instinct is to protect, nurture and take care of every need for her children. We remember how we were taught, cared for and, most of all, chastised, how we felt and how we decided what we would or wouldn't do with our own children, when the time came.

I suppose it depends on the individual for how much we recall from our early days of playing, growing, learning and eventually, gaining our own ideas, thoughts, perspective and taking our own future into our own hands.

My days of independence when I knew everything was definitely aged 15. I knew everything and didn't need my parents. Then came the situation where I was out, late at night, stuck in the middle of nowhere after taking the wrong bus and needing a lift, taxi or rescue of some kind, facilitated by my parents, or should I say my mother, reluctantly ordering a taxi to collect me, stating the cost would be repaid by me, carrying out household tasks, all the while, thankful I was safe and back home without harm.

Now, after having two children who are well past their teenage years, I find myself as a new grandmother, my daughter aged 25 years old, giving birth to her beautiful, perfect, little girl. It is now I am reflecting, wondering how I fit in.

Following the birth, I advised and supported my daughter with first feed, first nappy change, tending to her own personal care and giving her confidence to become a new mother, praising and telling her how she was doing everything right, bonding and loving her little one.

It also involved supporting her partner to have his first hold of his daughter, though nervous and hesitant at first, becoming confident when how own mother visited, to the point of telling her to watch his baby girl's head when lifting and holding her.

Now, three days later, they are settled in at home, just the three of them, and getting used to being a family.

So now, where do I fit in? I want to be there for every second of every minute of every day. Not to interfere, but to watch the miracle that is life, evolving from this helpless child, fed, changed, bathed, clothed and loved by her parents, learning and improving, finding their own way.

However, I can't. It's their life, their responsibility and there has to be boundaries to my involvement in order that the natural development of parenting can occur.

My daughter has already had discussions with her brother, saying her daughter will be doing this and that, not doing this and that, and it begins! They have a close connection so will be in regular contact as normal, remembering their own childhood and how they reacted to discipline, what they kept from their father and myself when up to mischief, and my daughter advocating she will not allow her own child to be as naughty as they were.

Granted there is a long way to go until this point but, when such a major change and realisation of life’s meaning is experienced in the form of childbirth, personal experiences are drawn into play to help decide he actions of the future and the potential outcomes of such actions.

Loving children, feeding their curiosity by answering questions honestly, encouraging investigation and self-discovery and pointing in the right direction ethically, morally and positively is important in foundational and formative years.

So, for the time being, I have taken a step back, against all of my maternal instincts to move into the spare room of my daughter’s house, and race her to the baby at every whimper. I must admit, it’s hard, harder than I ever expected but my husband has said, time and time again,

“She knows where you are if she needs you!”

I now must believe in my maternal skills and ability to raise my daughter correctly, whatever that is, and trust in her maternal instincts now kicking in, while waiting for any form of communication from her asking for advice and, at appropriate times, request visitation rights without overstepping and overstaying my welcome.

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About the Creator

Ann Zukon

Married lady who appreciates peace and quiet but ready to enjoy a drink and laugh with friends and family.

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