IS he Mr. Right?

Hello again! Your friend Gin is back!

Before I start this part of my story I have something I want to say. First of all I know that I will get some negative comments. I am going to ignore those; I am requesting that all negative comments be kept to yourself. I am doing this because I felt alone at so many times in my life; this is JUST to let those of you that feel that way, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! If you need someone to talk to, please find someone; don't hurt yourself in any way, shape or form! I have overcome many obstacles in my life; I learn from them and go on. Yes some are way harder than others, but I make myself stay strong....it just makes me stronger for that next "wall" that I hit. So with that let me start on if he was Mr. Right or not.

So here we are back in San Antonio; what are we going to do now? Well we went to my moms and talked with her; she really didn't want Allen living there because of Eddie (he was like 4 or 5 years old I think); it would not set an example. We ended up talking her into it; but it didn't last long; she and Allen got into it and she kicked us out; so we went to his moms; she let us live there but I had to share a room with his sister, Tina and he was going to sleep in the den. His sister was of age, but his brother was like 9 years old.

So time goes on, Allen is working and I found a job at a little burger place; it had something to do with an Owl; it was out the outskirts of the community we lived in. It had been a couple months that I had been working there when I got a phone call about my little brother, Eddie; it was from the Lanhams, the family that had Samantha. I told them I would be there as soon as I could that I was working and had to wait for Allen to get off since he had the car; I rode my bike to work. So I got off work and went home; Allen was home already. I explained to him the phone call that I got and that we needed to go to Ft. Sam Houston immediately! So we got in the car and drove about 15 miles or so to get there. Upon arrival we walked up to the front door, Mrs. Lanham opened the door and welcomed me into the home with a big hug and smile. She advised me that my mother was there as well sitting at the kitchen table. I asked her what about Eddie and she advised that he was upstairs playing with Samantha. This is the first time I have been allowed to see her since they got her; it's probably been close to a year by now; I believe she was shy of 4 by a few months.

So she and I joined my mother at the kitchen table. I asked "so what is this all about"? (Allen left me there at the house and came back later...just FYI).

Mrs Lanham looked at my mother and said "do you want to tell her or should I?"; my mother looked at her and then looked at me; now this part I do not remember whom told me what but here is the jest of it: I was to talk to my mother and convince her into giving Eddie to them. Why you ask, very good reasoning; here is ANOTHER part of my life of having a VERY difficult decision to make. I found out that my mother had been homeless for several months; WITH EDDIE! I was flabbergasted! I looked at my mom and she looked back at me and I realized she was DRUNK! That put me over the top; she had promised me she would quit drinking. So the choice was this (1) I could convince her into signing her parental rights over to them and they adopt Eddie OR (2) they will take her to court and prove her an unfit mother. I could not believe my ears; I could not believe that I was in this position. I went and talked to my mother; I do not remember how long we talked or exactly how the conversation went, but they got what they wanted without having to go to court. I was not allowed to see either one of the kids; they were getting ready for bed. They told me momma and Eddie was going to stay the night there and they would take care of everything and not to worry. They ended up adopting Eddie too. So Uncle and Neice were raised as brother and sister. More of this story later on :)

I don't remember much right after that. I do remember that we moved into a mobile home community in a small trailer. Allen got a job constructing homes, he loved that job. I stayed home; we didn't have a car so his coworker would come pick him up and drop him off. I was happy, for a while. Next thing I remember is that I got pregnant with my son Jonathan.

Allen and I are not married; we are just living together. We talk about the baby and what we are going to do. His mother intervenes and insists that he do the right thing and marry me. To this day, even though I had two beautiful kids with him, I still feel like he never would have married me.

We went to the Justice of the Peace and got married. His mom and step dad had a nice reception for us. It was a surprise that we knew nothing about! LOL

All is going well at this time; he is working; I am a stay at home mom. We live in a little travel trailer; it was really cute. We lived there for a while. A few things happened in his mothers life; she ended up leaving Allen's step father, David. She moved to Cameron TX; she divorced David and married Truman (he was a brick layer). After a few months she started talking to Allen and next thing I know we are moving from San Antonio to Cameron.

When we first moved to Cameron we moved into a single wide trailer on some land; it was out in the country! I loved it there because it was so quiet. I came kicking and screaming but knew that I just needed to make the best of things; I loved him and we had a son. We lived there for a couple years. His mother ended up divorcing Truman and moved to Houston because she was rekindeling a romance from in her younger years.

Can you guess what happened? That's right, we moved to Houston. His mother told him that this man in Houston is really his biological father (I am sorry I do not remember his name). Until this he believed that the father that lives in Georgia (Gus) was his father; he didn't know how to take the news and neither did I. So we stayed with them for a few months. Allen got a job and then we got me a car (1978 Camaro) I loved that car! My first job in Houston was with a company called Star Courier (I believe they are out of business now - this was in 1988). I was hired for customer service; I answered phones and took courier deliveries by hand. There is more to it, I won't bore you with the details. I ended up quitting tWhis job; got a job at a pager company (McCaw Communications). I was doing data entry. I loved this job. I got pregnant with my daughter Amanda during this time. Then there came a lay off....yup I got laid off EXACTLY ONE week BEFORE Christmas, December 18th, 1989! What terrible timing; I couldn't believe it!

Well here I am unemployed and pregnant; there was no way I was going to be able to find a job being pregnant! So now I am a stay at home mom again; lets make the best of it. Many months pass and I am getting bigger. I elected to not find out what the baby was; I enjoyed the surprise with the first and second ones! It wasn't as common as it is today, LOL

In March 1990 I get a phone call from my mother; she needs to come to Houston to go to M D Anderson Cancer Center. She preceeds to tell me that there was a lump that came up on the right side of her throat. She ignored it until she could not swallow very well anymore. She went to a doctor where she lived at the time (Temple TX); he was just a regular MD; he wanted her to go to MD Anderson and take it from there. She was going to ride the bus from Temple TX to Prairie View TX (it was significantly cheaper) and asked me if I would come pick her up and if she could stay with us. There was no question as far as I was concerned; Allen was at work, I didn't even consider asking him about it, after all she is MY MOM and she is SICK! I tell her to make whatever arrangements she needed and to let me know when to be there and I would pick her up and she most certainly was going to stay with us!

That evening Allen gets home from work; its usual routine, dinner, clean kitchen etc. Jonathan is in his room watching TV and Allen is in the living room watching TV and drinking a beer (he drinks every day at least a 12 pack); he also smokes cigarettes, pack and a half a day. I wait till Jonathan has taken his bath and gone to bed. I sit beside him and tell him that we need to talk. I tell him everything and he had the GAUL to get pissed off that I did NOT discuss this with him first! I told him he had NO choice in the matter. We had a HUGE fight!

So mom comes and stays with us for the first trip for about 5 days; those 5 days she went through all kinds of tests; they made her very weak and very thin, she was already thin as it was! She came a few more times and then they told her that the cancer was too far gone and there was nothing more they could do for her. They arranged for Ensure to be delivered to her at her home. She was a very poor woman and could not afford anything. She was living with a man by the name of Lee. After the doctors told her there was nothing more they could do; she and Lee decide to go ahead and get married; but there was something she needed desperately before she met her new mother-in-law she wanted the house cleaned up; so she called me and asked that if Lee's son would bring me and take me back would I please come take care of it for her; she was way to weak to even go to the bathroom.

So the day comes for the trip; Allen tells me I am taking Jonathan and the baby with me - I had Amanda (Mandi) on June 18th, 1990.

****Side note about Mandi's birthday; I had the Braxton Hicks several times during all 3 of my pregnancies - it is very normal - so of course there were "dry runs to the hospital" a couple of times. So the day comes that I am in real labor - he takes me to the hospital - drops me off and preceeds to go to his friends house. He came back TWO hours later - I was admitted and hooked up to monitors. The first two children, my water bag had to be broken, not with Mandi, she was ready!!! It took FIVE hours after they admitted me that I had her.

********Back to Mom*******

I get to moms house and I am so happy to see her! Mandi is 6 weeks old, mom has not met her yet. Even after everything I went through during my childhood I loved my mother more than words can say. I relied upon her an d her strength; I do not know if she ever knew that or not. I was very excited for her to meet her grand daugther! I walked in the house and I could not believe my eyes; it was HORRIBLE. There was NO WAY mom would EVER allow this house to look this way; she drilled into my head about keeping a clean home! Mom was sitting on the couch; she looked so old; she was only 53; between the drinking, smoking and chemo/radiation therapies it aged her greatly - she looked to be about 65 or so; I was sad to see her that way; she was very skinny. She was so happy to see us. So I sat and visited for a bit and then got up to start cleaning. I asked her if there was a particular place she wanted me to start, she said the kitchen. I walked into that kitchen and I could not believe my eyes; I will not go into detail but it was NASTY and GROSS!!!! I had NEVER seen maggots before; they were all in this sink and all over the kitchen! I have a very strong stomach and that was the HARDEST thing that I have had to endure in my life, at the time! Thank goodness I have not had an experience like that again! I cleaned the house like no ones business, it took two days. On the 3rd morning we got up and just visited for the day; it was a good visit - we got a lot on the table; but I certainly didn't say a lot of things I wished I would have said. We left that evening; as we started driving down the driveway I was crying; Lees son asked me what was wrong and I told him that was going to be the last time I would see my mom alive; he told me not to say that; we talked for the 3 hour trip home.

August 31, 1990, I get a phone call from the hospital advising that my mother has been dropped off and been admitted to the hospital. They told me that her husband just dropped her off at the steps and left - he was too drunk and didn't want to get in trouble. They had to come out and assist her because she was so weak. She was severely dehydrated and semi-comotose; they told me that she may have 24 hours if that. I couldn't believe my ears; I think back to when I went and saw her just two weeks before. I told them that I had to find a way to Temple from Houston (we had 1 car and Allen worked so he had to keep it - this was determined when I got hom from cleaning moms house. I called my mother in law whom lived in Cameron, again, and asked her if she could please come get the kids and I in the morning and take us to Temple, that it was a matter of life and death. She told me yes no problem. I got things ready as quickly as I could, my mother in law said she would be there by 10am (it is a 2 1/2 hour trip one way).

The next morning I wake up, feed the kids and get them dressed and ready for the trip and a few days because I was not sure exactly what was going to happen. Again, there were cell phones but only "important people" hand them for a while. We could not afford them if I remember correctly. So I have myself and the kids all ready to go by 9:30 so in case she shows up early. We are going about our morning as best we can expecting to leave just anytime. Before I know it, it's noon, she STILL is not there. I start wondering what has happened to her, is she ok? We had to pay for long distance phone calls so we would call her collect; thats what I did.....no answer. I thought well she should be here soon; she showed up at about 1pm. She woke up late; she didn't think to call and let me know. We pack up the kids and take off (Allen was at work - he was to come up there afterwards). I notice we are going a different way than what we should be, I look at her and say " this isn't the way to Temple"; she said "I know, I just need to go see my sister Hazel in Rosenberg for a moment" (Hazel owned an Antique store and my mother in law collected Antiques; Hazel had come across something that my mother in law (Helen) would love to have in her collection. What could I do? She came and got us and was doing the driving and paying for everything so what could I say....nothing! We stayed there for over an hour, then she had another stop; that was ANTOHER hour or so. We FINALLY got on the road and she says "we need to take Jonathan and drop him off with Truman; he can take of him without a problem but we can't leave the baby; I do not want him to go to the hospital".

My heart just raced hard, my anxiety went through the roof (I didn't know it was anxiety at the time; I got diagnosed within the last 15 years; I will always have it) I bit my tounge, swallowed real hard and said "ok thats fine, but we NEED to drop him off and GO...my mother is dying!!!!" she looked at me and said 'OK" and just had a look on her face. Well sure enough we ended up spending another 30 minutes with Truman because she had to instruct him on many things before we left. During the ride, not sure exactly where she told me that she was jealous of my mother, when I asked her why she told me "because she got to live with you for a while and spent more time with Jonathan than what I have gotten to". I looked at her and said "I can't believe you are being SO SELFISH, my mother is DYING; YOU WILL HAVE SO MUCH MORE TIME WITH THESE KIDS THAN SHE EVER WILL!!!"

Ya'll are NOT going to believe what happned NEXT!!! She had to stop and see a "friend" for a minute....YUP another 30 minutes...she left me in the car with Mandi...thank God she was sleeping. We FINALLY get on the road to Temple (60 minutes away) at 530....we got to Temple at Scott and White Hospital about 6:45 (she drove slow); she had to park blah blah...found out my mother was on the 4th floor; when we stepped off the elevator something made me took to my right; my attention was to a specific door; I couldn't get my eyes off it for a minute or so.

I walked up to the nurses station and told them that I was there to see Janus Mayes; the nurse turned around and said "Bobbi, Mrs. Mayes daughter is here to see her"...next thing I know a nurse walks over to me on my right side...she said "Hi, I am Bobbi, I am Mrs. Mayes nurse; I am sorry but she passed away about 30 minutes ago".

I was shocked; angry, SO MANY emotions rushing all at once! Bobbi sas to me" let me have the baby maam; we will take care of her for a moment and let you have a few minutes to yourself if that is ok, we will call the Chaplin". I looked at her and said "I am fine, I want to see my mother"; they insisted several times they were not able to allow that; I FINALLY convinced them to let me see my mother; she WAS behind the door that I couldn't keep my eyes off of. I took a deep breath as I walked in there; I was still holding Mandi, Helen walked in behind me, I was behind Bobbi. I looked to my left and there she was; she looked like she was asleep; she looked so peaceful; she didn't hurt anymore; my mommy was gone forever. Her nails were STILL polished so pretty from when I was there 2 weeks before. I had a HUGE VOID in my heart; a part of me was gone; I felt SO ALONE. I looked at Helen and she had tears in her eyes, she looked at me and said "I am so sorry, I didn't realize she was THAT bad". I couldn't believe my ears, looked at her and said "Yea, thats what DYING is about; you don't have time. Thank you for bringing me lets go to the house". I didn't talk the whole trip to the house. When we got there Allen was there, I was obviously upset. I don't remember a lot after this, I remember sitting in the bathtub and crying so much I didn't think I could cry anymore; she was watching Mandi for me; she had been fed and was clean; I made sure she should be asleep for a few hours. My oldest sister from moms first husband (Kathy) drove all the way from Whichita Falls to Temple TX to be with me; that meant more than words can say. I had not seen her since I was 9 years old; my moms brother Tommy was there as well. I had seen him 1 other time that I remember. It was night; we walked up to his door, mom knocked; a tall slender man opened the door; I do not remember how the conversation went; I just remember seeing a LOT of people sitting at a large table with a bunch of food on it - it looked like they were having roast and the tall man had an electric knife in his hand. That is pretty much all I remember of this time.

Tommy walks up to me at the graveyard (no one knew how to get in touch with me so I didn't know about going to for visitation and I could have ridden in the family limo); he introduced himself; I looked up into his eyes and I was shocked at what I saw; the color of MY eyes. I had always wondered where my eye color came from, my biological father (Bryce) had blue eyes and momma had brown; so now I had my answer. I just looked up at him and was SO HAPPY to meet him; he brough back that night that I saw him; come to find out my mother and step dad wanted him to take me and adopt me; they were down and out on their luck and said they could afford me; Tommy told her NO that she needed to take care of her responsibilities for a change and shut the door. I couldn't believe my ears, my mom and dad didn't want me back then; theres no way; they never showed ANY signs of this even being possible. I wasn't sure what to believe.

Thats it for now....my next part is going to start with me being 8 1/2 months pregnant with my 3rd child, Mandi.