Is having some mom time selfish?

We’ve heard it all, and we’ve probably mentioned all of them. The year comes to an end, and we think about everything we didn’t get to do or achieve. Then, we promise ourselves that this year will be different. I worked for years in fitness centers and every new year, people get back to the same resolutions over and over. I will lose that 30lbs that I didn’t lose for the past 3 years, I will quit smoking for the 10th time, I will spend more time outside, I will eat more healthy, I will go to bed earlier, I will finish the project I started, I will get a new job or quit the one that is making me miserable, and you probably heard even more.

The fitness centre I worked for always made a fortune in January. Tons of people would come in and tell us that this was their year. They would start in force and be motivated but after a few weeks, they would stop coming. I always wondered, why put money into something in January that you know you will drop by February? Why was it so important to lose that weight, or get back in shape, or even think about joining a gym?

For the most part, people that quit early don’t like to work out in a gym or don’t have time. So why even bother? Was it because of their entourage? Do they feel pressured to fit in a mould? Why not do something for themselves? At that moment I realized that I was doing the exact same thing.

Being a mom of four children, I kind of put myself to the side. I think most mothers will relate to this. We want to be there for our kids and are fully invested that we forget to take care of ourselves. That was my biggest problem as a mom. This led to exhaustion, and it got really overwhelming. I thought I was being a “good mom” by doing everything for everyone else until someone asked the question. They said; “If you don’t know how to care for yourself, how do you want your girls to learn how to take care of themselves.”

This hit me. Without realizing it, I was teaching my girls that our own needs don’t matter. That we only serve others around us no matter the price. I didn’t want this and in order to make sure it didn’t happen, I had to change something. This time, the resolution was for me and no one else. I wanted some time for myself.

When a mom mentions this, a lot of people are shocked and this is surprising for me. Having some me time, as a mom, is viewed as selfish. You hear things like you wanted to have kids, you can’t complain you are tired. You will sleep when they move out. You’re a mom now, you cannot be selfish and think about yourself. How would I push through those stares?

Deep down I knew that taking care of me means taking care of them. Think about it, a mother that is well-rested and peaceful has much more energy and patience for her kids. When your inner battery is energized, you can play with your kids. When you feel rested, you have patience. When you take the time to do something you like, you are refreshed to spend quality time with your children.

It took me a while to understand this, but this year my “mom time” will be sacred. I promised myself it would be on the calendar and at the same time every week. The family knows so they do something else. What do I do? Whatever I feel like; take a long hot bath or a shower, have a spa night, go for a massage, read a book, listen to music, drink herbal tea, paint, draw, anything I feel like doing. This refreshes me and I don’t need ten hours. One or two hours of “mom time” is all I need.

The point here is really to do something you LOVE and not something you have to. Don’t study for a test and don’t run to the store to buy groceries, thinking oh I’m alone it is my time! No, it isn’t because you are still doing “chores”. It has to be something you like, and you look forward to. I had a mom tell me that for her, it’s her outdoor jacuzzi time, with a glass of wine, with no interruptions for one hour. This is all she needs to be a super mom all week.

When it is nice outside, take a walk in the forest where it is quiet and peaceful. During your walk take deep breaths and listen to the sound of nature. Forget about what you have to do and be in the moment. If you haven’t put some mom time aside, start now. Make it your resolution and make sure you get those internal batteries recharged. Let’s face it, life got hard, and we all need to recharge these days. Make it happen and write it down for everyone to see.

I was surprised at my children’s reactions. They were all very happy and proud to be able to give me that time. They wanted me to have some time to do something I liked and said they loved doing things for me as I do for them. If you think that you are giving your kids everything by forgetting about yourself, you are wrong. This has helped me feel empowered. I feel happy and excited to do things with them. I have a lot more patience and it seems like I have more time for them, as it is quality time.

Another tradition, that we are bringing with us this year, to calm our minds and remain peaceful is our morning and night rituals. Every morning, we start the day with a positive read. Something very small while they prepare their breakfast. Then, we do our 10 minutes of creative writing. I learn this in the book The Artist's Way for Parents: Raising Creative Children. We don’t think, we just write words. At first, it is awkward but after a while, you see a pattern and it helped me learn a lot about my children and myself.

At night, we have our grateful ritual. We each share a highlight of our day. It can be anything at all. When I first started with them, I made sure I mentioned mine at first and took very simple pleasures. For example, I loved the laugh we had at lunch it made me feel happy. I was grateful to read a book with you. I loved our walk. I liked our deep discussion. I loved the help I got for cooking supper. Doing the dishes while dancing with you guys was my highlight. Take anything that makes you smile when you think about it. This ends our day in a peaceful way no matter how hard and depressive it was. You always find a highlight and by saying it and sharing them together you rewire your brain back to a positive note.

To bundle all of this up, we make sure to do our daily walk and take a few minutes to tree bathe. We also do some grounding when the weather permits. As a mom, I will make sure my children know their own boundaries and that they learn to take care of themselves. We might try a me-time instead of only mom time!

This year is all about peaceful rest and self-care. We are going back to the old habits that got us tagged as weird. I will be keeping my mom time every week. We will take our daily walk and add a few minutes of tree bathing. We will ground ourselves and make sure we are fully energized. We will do this for ourselves with no regrets.

What will you do?