IRON BUNS (Not to be Confused with Buns of Steel)

One of the joys of parenthood is the plethora of hilarious events and conversations that occur usually spontaneously. In the ongoing series of "You can't make this stuff up," please accompany me on a seemingly normal evening errand…….

I had to make a quick Home Depot run yesterday. Unfortunately one of my offspring was being quite naughty and irritating to his siblings. So, much to the chagrin of said offspring he had to accompany me ...... 😬 To a store..... Grumbling and complaining for the whole ride.

Finally this child says to me, "I feel like saying the meanest thing to you!" He pauses either for effect, or more likely to decide if he's really mad enough to use his most severe insult. "It's the thing I said one time when I was really really mad at someone."

I pause .....waiting ....."so do you want to tell me what that was?"

Some hesitation and angry sputtering errupts from the back seat, and he finally spits out, "I called them 'IRON BUNS!'"

*Please don't judge me, but at this point I couldn't help myself* I burst into side-splitting laughter and just couldn't stop. Trying to imagine who had been the recipient of this harshly delivered insult and gasping for air, I got out, "you said what?!?"

A bit more hesitant now, probably as a result of my response,

"Iron buns!

"

Still laughing uproariously, I repeat this back and ask quizzically, "did you mean this as an insult?"

Child, "yeeeessss."

Scared of the answer, but I had to know, "so, *giggle snort* who, *gasp* *giggle* who, did you say 'iron buns' to?"

I was not ready for the answer.

Somewhat sheepish now, though still evidently angry, "the Canadian Mountie."

Now this may bear some explaining. We were part of an amazing class led by an instructor dressed as a Mountie. He gave us so much history and then taught our small group of families how to properly march, Canadian style, which is only slightly different than American style. At a certain point in the middle of the march, the child who is now wondering why I'm so amused and is captive in my back seat, had stomped off in a complete angry huff. At the time we talked about the issue and I understood his anger but I had never been honored with the knowledge of the insult chosen to express such powerful offense to the Mountie's grim description of the amputation of soldier's limbs during a battle.

Calming my laughter, I offer, "You were pretty bothered by what he described, weren't you?" Laughing on the inside, and slightly appalled, I continued, "I think most people would be rather complimented to be called, *giggle* iron buns, though!"

From the back seat, "really? Well I was trying to be as disrespectful as I could."

Me, barely under control, "think about it." In my best imitation of an older man's voice, "That kid just called me iron buns! He must think I've been working out and I have really great toned butt muscles."

"I mean, he might have wondered why you were looking at his butt. Awkward, but still...." I pause laughing.

Kid starts to giggle, catching the ridiculousness ....

Soon we are both repeating the hilarious new family insult and gasping with laughter.

As we approach the hardware store, I cast a quick glance over my shoulder. "You are funny you know! You should really be a comedian."

Serious as all get out, this child replies, "Actually I want to be a pediatrician."

Sputtering again, "what? I didn't know that! Do you know what a pediatrician is?"

Serious and slightly indignant, "yes. It's a doctor who tells jokes to kids!"

I might have laughed off and on for the rest of the evening.

Never a dull moment when you have kids!