Hurtful Words Can't Be Unspoken

Some words can never be unsaid once they have been said. Some words that have been spoken can hurt long after they are spoken, and they can be thought about over and over again. These words can and will be hard to ignore, and will be easily stuck in the heads' of your loved ones for days, weeks, months, maybe even years to come.

I can still remember words that my then boyfriend said to me almost five years ago when he walked out on me. I remember the sting of every time I told him I loved him, and he refused to say it back to me. I remember the pain of the text messages telling me he did not want to be with me anymore.

I can still remember a conversation I overheard that my father was having with a friend of his making a joke about how I personally, and possibly his other kids (he had seven counting me), were a product of his penis, not because he wanted to be a father. That was almost twenty years ago.

I still remember one of the worst times in my life that came when I was about twelve years old or so. I learned what abandonment was. I also remember at this age, maybe a little younger, getting into my first fight (I guess you could say I got jumped and tried to get my younger sister who was with me to safety).

I remember three years ago this coming October, my mother in law almost ruined my wedding to my now husband. And the friendship that ended after we got married.

I remember seventeen years ago when I was pregnant with my sixteen year old son, how the father tried to control me, and tell me how I was going to feed my child, what his name was going to be, and how he was going to be raised. And the way he was going to be was nothing like me (Haha! That dude is my little mini me, so we see how that worked out for his biological father!).

Especially when you are a child and hear these things from your parents or other adults, it can and will most definitely get into your head, and you never forget them. And if you do manage to forget them, it has taken a lot for you to do so, and even then, maybe it is still in the back of your mind somewhere.

If you are in a relationship, or you are married and your husband or wife says something that ticks you to your core, like a husband threatening divorce over a wife not picking up the phone to talk to him.

These words stay in a spouse's head, in the back of their mind or in the front, it is in their heads, it is in their hearts, it is in their souls. It is in everything they believe. It is in everything they are scared of. And deep down as a husband you know you made this fear worse for your wife, because you choose to tell her you wanted something you know yourself you never wanted.

What if next time she believes you, and she goes out on her own and moves on? Then what? Is she now a cheater, because she took you at your word that it was over? Think about what you say, and remember that there is a story about the boy who cried wolf for a reason. Maybe the next time you say you want a divorce she will say okay. And then you will have to face the reality that you put into place.