How we manage differences of opinion between parents regarding the upbringing of children

Different styles of education, opinions about punishments or rewards, attachment style and much more can lead to big differences between partners and, in some cases, even family breakdown. Often, the perfect balance does not exist. Either one of the parents is stricter and the other more permissive, or one thinks that state education is perfect and the other wants to opt for a private school, or the parents do not agree on the optional activities for their children to do. Whatever the reason for the discussion, it is good to know that there are a number of tips that you can take into account to keep the relationship from eroding, despite differences of opinion regarding raising children.

How to manage different opinions between parents about education and raising children

Communicate openly

Usually, parenting style and strategies are discussed before the baby is born or when they are very young, but if you haven't done so yet, it's never too late. Discuss the parenting philosophies you resonate with, your childhood, and how you felt about your parents' behavior, what style of discipline you prefer, how you think you should treat issues such as sex, or finances.

There is a high probability that you will not agree, but only through open discussions and a willingness to compromise will you be able to reach a middle ground.

Create rules together

Discipline rules should be as clear as possible and stipulate exactly what is allowed and what is not and what the consequences are, so that no further misunderstandings lead to quarrels. It's a good idea to agree on a set of rules, which you can then follow and make sure you both follow. The most common rules should include bedtime, screen time, minimum hygiene rules - brushing your teeth, hands, shower, etc., and later homework. Talk openly with your family, including your children, and be open to their opinions and suggestions if they are reasonable.

Agree on the consequences

Both parents must determine the consequences of breaking the rules. If parenting styles differ, partners may be in conflict. Some parents are relaxed about discipline and prefer to simply talk to their children about what they are doing wrong, others are stern and consider punishment to be the only way to keep their children on track.

You will not be able to harmonize this issue until you reach an agreement, so it is advisable to make a list of consequences and negotiate until you agree on it.

Support each other

Once the plan is established, both on the rules and the consequences, both parents must respect it, so that there are no cases of the good cop-the bad cop, and the children to glide from one to another in search of clemency. It can be tempting to be a good parent in front of children, but this can cost you a lack of consistency in your relationship with them and harmony in your relationship with your partner.

Do not quarrel in front of children

Except in cases of violence, in which you must intervene for the integrity and safety of children, do not reprimand your partner in front of children. They will take the sensitive point and march on the disagreement between you, turning the situation to their advantage.

Tell the children clearly that you both agree on the rules of the house and that you support each other. Discuss any differences later in private and set rules for action for the next date.

Stay flexible

The way children are raised should be flexible enough to be adaptable as children grow up. It is important to periodically review the rules, taking into account the personality of the children, their behavior, as well as the specific situations related to the school, context, etc.

Parenting style should be tailored to the needs of the child, there are no universal recipes.

Be lenient with each other.

Every parent makes mistakes and makes bad decisions from time to time. When the other parent is wrong, don't jump on the bandwagon. Wait until you are alone and discuss all aspects calmly. The other parent is not the enemy, and the relationship between you should be one of mutual understanding and respect.

You don't have to let parenting differences ruin your relationship. Listen to each other, agree on what's important, and act like teammates.

Parents sometimes forget that they are at the top of the family structure. This means that they are the bosses and on them depends the harmony, but also its lack within the family. As in any situation, if the leaders do not agree, chaos ensues. And, remember that you are a day-to-day example for children, so give them a constructive way to lay the groundwork for a balanced and harmonious family.