How to Successfully Handle Your Toddler’s Epic Temper Tantrums

Parenting can be difficult is an understatement

When you’re a parent, one of the hardest things in the formative years of your child’s life is dealing with their melodramatic temper tantrums.

Toddlers can be "slappy, no-sleep soldiers"!

Toddlers don’t know how to verbalize what they’re feeling, so they scream, throw things, and even hit us when they are angry. They do these things because they cannot tell us how they feel and why they feel this way.

My daughter Willow is two-years-old and she is a firecracker. She doesn’t nap or sleep well and has been having major tantrums lately. Like clockwork, a few hours before bed, the tantrums start.

Things have changed since we were kids. Back in the day, spanking was acceptable. Yes, parents spanked their children for having tantrums. It was a different time. Back then, the sensitive psychology of a child wasn’t a topic that was openly discussed or even thought of.

Now we know this is not the right way to deal with a child’s emotional outbursts.

I have heard a few people say, “When I was growing up, sometimes a good spanking was what I needed”. Unfortunately, for others, the spanking went too far and crossed the line into abuse, causing them psychological damage.

Even a good parent who isn’t abusive can cross the line if they choose to use spanking as a discipline. In the heat of the moment, anger can push good people to do bad things.

It has been said that we are our child’s safe place and this is why they tend to misbehave more when we are around.

Instead of reacting, we need to start actively listening to our children. They are trying to tell us something, even if they aren’t verbal or cannot speak yet.

What shouldn’t we do when our child is having a tantrum?

• Don’t belittle the child for their emotional outbursts. This only serves to make them feel isolated and ridiculed. It actually makes your child trust you less.

• Don’t hit them. This only teaches your child that violence is the answer to their problems. It also divides you further and can cause even more behavioral issues.

• Don’t just leave them alone to figure it out on their own. When a child is having a tantrum, especially if they cannot talk yet or have problems with communication, their feelings are confusing for them. When you leave them alone it only isolates them and makes them feel like they are undeserving of your love and forgiveness.

• Don’t tell your child to “pull yourself together” or “Get over it”. This only teaches children to be ashamed of their emotions and suppress them.

What should we do instead?

• Take them to a quiet place and let them vent their anger. Discourage hitting and other physical acts of anger.

• Remain calm and collected. Children definitely feed off of our energy and if we are upset with them or angry, they will sense it. By staying calm, we are being their safe place and deescalating the situation.

• If you need to step away, that’s fine! Ask for help from your partner or a friend. You won’t be able to help your child calm down if you’re hysterical too.

• When your child becomes upset, get down on their level and help them name their feelings. So an example would be: “Willow, you’re angry because Tommy took your toy and that’s okay.” This teaches your child to apply words to their feelings, so they can adequately express themselves in the future.

• Allow them to talk (or babble) about their frustrations. If they are verbal, encourage them to use their words. Stay quiet, calm and let them vent. Hug them, be there for them.

• Return to the situation and act as if nothing happened. Never reprimand your child in front of others or make a joke about their outburst.

They're still learning, and so are you

Always give your toddler a fresh start. Tomorrow is another day, every minute is a clean slate. Every tantrum is a teaching moment.

Toddler temper tantrums can be melodramatic, frustrating, and even annoying.

Guess what? No matter how they make us feel, it’s our responsibility as parents to let them feel their feelings and not dismiss them.

Your child needs compassion, empathy, and understanding during this time and the person they want it from is you.

Amy Cottreau is a freelance writer who hails from a small city in Atlantic Canada. She enjoys interacting with fellow writers, dreaming of ideas for her next article, and researching a myriad of topics.