How To Raise Smart Girls

After all, smart is suddenly in demand. Wherever you look, there are websites, articles and blogs, telling us about how to raise smart children.

To imbibe these values in daughters, mothers have to communicate with them and earn their faith to build their confidence. They can do so by imbibing these values themselves, tossing aside any templates of comparison, encouraging all their creative pursuits, encouraging them to ask questions constantly, and teaching them that differences are beautiful.

The only way that I can begin this article is with a disclaimer: I have raised three daughters. Not a single one of them can possibly be described as smart. At least, not smart in the conventional smartphone, smart card, smarty pants way. My three teenagers may be academically inclined, but they lack the gloss that elevates intelligence to smartness. And if you see them on the street, squealing whenever they encounter a pat of dog poo or a busy crossing, you know that street smarts are not a part of their arsenal. This bothers me a bit, but not enough to figure in the bi-weekly mummy-rant. (You know, the lectures that begin with “When we were young and in school…” and then meander along topics that range from eating spinach to respecting parents

to showing kindness…)

This time, I added a “why can’t you be smart like…” to the litany. After all, smart is suddenly in demand. Wherever you look, there are websites, articles

and blogs, telling us about how to raise smart children. But while everyone seems to agree that smart is desirable, not everybody agrees on the components that make up this trait. Little Red Riding Hood was smart, but so was the wolf.. Hermione Granger was smart, but so was Draco Malfoy.

Check any list of the smartest characters in fiction and film — and there are many on the Internet — and you will find that The Joker and Moriarty are top

contenders, as is Belle (the beauty from Beauty and the Beast). As none of us want to raise our daughters to be either the granny-gobbling wolf or The Joker, maybe it’s time to understand that there are many shades of smart. There’s sleek smart and scary smart and sensible smart. And then, there is the kind of smart that I would ask Santa to give my daughters for Christmas, every year for the next two decades. A gift that would grant my daughters:

The confidence that they can deal with software glitches, angry bees and dead light bulbs, just as efficiently or inefficiently as any boy. So what if they end up having to Google “How to cure a bee sting” and daubing themselves with baking soda after it’s all done?

The ability to think through problems and to understand that not all solutions lie in textbooks. The ability to ask questions till they get answers. And the ability to keep asking questions, even after they get the answers.

The desire to connect with people who are different from them.

The peace that comes from being comfortable in their skins and seeing no reason to be five inches taller or five inches skinnier. And from understanding that while lipsticks and boyfriends and branded sneakers are fine and fun, they are the toppings, not the waffle.

The clear-sightedness to see exactly what Maya Angelou means when she points out that, “If you are always trying to be normal youwill never knowhow amazing you can be.”

Santa is chronically overworked, so he probably won’t oblige. But there are a few things that we can do to help our daughters along the path. Some of these I’ve managed to adopt, many I haven’t — and they make up the bulk of my New Year’s resolutions every year.

If you want your daughters to be smart, you need to be smart yourself:

If you flip out every time a screwdriver needs to be wielded or the car battery needs to be changed, chances are that your daughters will too. If you squawk and flutter whenever a crisis erupts or plans get toppled, chances are that your daughter will too. If you wail and worry every time the weighing scale gives you unwelcome news or three white hairs sprout on your head, your daughters will do exactly that. So, tough as it is, try to be the person you want your daughters to become.

Avoid comparisons and toss aside the templates:

It really doesn’t matter that your best friend’s daughter does competitive gymnastics, takes part in Math Olympiads and is the most popular girl in her class. To be special, your daughter doesn’t need to mutate into this paragon — just as she doesn’t need to mutate into Belle or Draco Malfoy. The best thing you can do is to allow your daughter to become her self — instead of a pale and resentful version of someone else.

Encourage books, music, dancing, jumping, hula hooping, and any kind of crazy creativity:

In short, anything that does not involve a flickering screen and tinny beeps and boops. Studies have shown that reading boosts the brain and imagination — it enhances concentration and focus and allows us to link cause and effect. Similarly, music and physical activity are like kale, quinoa and f lax seeds for the brain. Those seductive screens, on the other hand, do just the opposite — and interfere with sleep, feelings of well-being and creativity.

Show them that differences are beautiful:

Talk about what’s happening in the news, on the road, outside the car window. Encourage observation and views and make sure that the message is loud and clear — we occupy a very tiny corner of a vast planet, we are lucky we have so much to explore. One summer vacation, when we were unable to travel, I decided to read stories from different parts of India and the world to my daughters, and then make food connected with those places and point them out on the globe. I’m not sure how much my daughters remember of the food and stories, but those journeys remain golden ones. And I think my daughters got the message that different people, different places, different beliefs make the world a vivid patchwork that must be enjoyed rather than feared. Meanwhile, don’t get confused between the real deal and the plastic reproduction. Smart girls don’t need to be shiny, glib and cocky. They just need to believe in themselves and their ability to deal with the world — and, of course, to keep the baking soda handy when the bees are about. PS: If I graded myself according to these parameters, I’m sorry to say that I would probably get a C+ and a “Can do better”. Better is what I am determined to do.

Questions, questions, questions:

Little girls — and little boys too — love to experiment and act on the questions that pop into their heads. Can I make a perfume if I swirl these rose petals with water? What will happen if I squiggle three tubes of glitter glue on the floor? Can I make this box into a home for a snail? Can I give all my toys a bath today? Can I make a castle out of the bedsheets and pillows? Please, please, please? It’s worth keeping in mind that a gluey, paint-splattery mess and the indignation of a snail is a small price to pay for the joys and benefits of exploration.

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