How to Have the Bird's & the Bee's Conversation with Your Kids

Parents don’t like having the sex talk with their kids. Kids don’t like having the sex talk with their parents. It’s one of the most dreadfully played-out cliches in the handbook. It’s also unnecessary. By approaching the conversation with calm confidence, you can have a productive, informative bonding experience with your child.

Having a healthy relationship with sex starts with having the right information. You can help your child develop a healthy understanding of sex by starting the conversation at a young age, and making sure they feel comfortable coming to you with their questions.

In this article, we take a look at how you can approach the birds and the bee's conversation with your kids.

You Don’t Have to Wait for Them to Ask

Many parents wait until their kids ask a question before they have the sex talk. It’s a natural impulse. For one thing, it makes sense to worry that your kids simply won’t be ready or mature enough for the conversation. There’s also a decent chance you don’t feel ready for it yourself.

Waiting for a little while is ok, but don’t let the topic go undiscussed for too long. Many a parent have missed their window of opportunity entirely because they were uncomfortable initiating the conversation themselves.

Age is Just a Number

Parents are quick to worry that it is too soon to have the sex talk with their children. But while certain age groups might bump up against a comprehension barrier, too soon is largely subjective. Keep in mind that your kids don’t live in an insulated bubble.

They go to school. They have friends. Their friends have older siblings who might give them the wrong idea about sex. Or they might hear something on television, or a YouTube video.

What’s worse, having a slightly awkward conversation about sex with your eight-year-old, or letting them get all of their ideas from a vlogger?

Your kids are going to learn about sex one way or another, and probably sooner than you think. It’s important to reach out to them early so that you can frame what they learn and how it is explained to them.

Make It Ongoing

One conversation probably isn’t going to cut it—particularly if you are starting with a very young child. Begin with a simple explanation, and leave the door open for further communication. Depending on their age, your kids may not be able to digest everything in one large dose.

By splitting the conversation up, you give your children ample time to process everything and formulate their own questions.

There is a small caveat, however. As everyone knows, the bird’s and the bee’s conversation can be uncomfortable. From this discomfort emerges the temptation to avoid follow-up conversations. Push through it, and if your child doesn’t come to you with questions of their own, feel free to check in regularly to find out where their head is at.

Stay Calm

If you are nervous, your kids will be too. Stay calm. Uncomfortable though the sex talk might be, it’s not exactly like you’re breaking into an unexplored frontier. People have been having sex since…well, since the beginning of people.

It’s entirely natural, wholesome, and important for your children to understand. However, if your kids think you are nervous or uncomfortable, they can easily get the wrong idea. By remaining calm, you will set their minds at ease as well.

Be Clear

It’s very tempting to use clumsy analogies when having the sex talk. For example, this article has the phrase “the birds and the bees” right in its title.

Unfortunately, figurative language isn’t a good fit for this conversation. Your children are probably going to be confused enough by the facts. Throw in clumsy metaphors, and they may very well leave the conversation feeling more confused than they were when it began.

Take a Breath. Everything is Ok

It really is. Any conversation you have about sex is ultimately going to be better than no conversation at all. Remember: knowledge is power. Children who grow up with a comfortable, robust understanding of sex are better positioned to make well-informed decisions when they come off age.

Just as importantly, once you open up the lines of communication, you make sure your children will be more comfortable talking to you when things come up. And they will come up. Stay calm, and push through the discomfort. Everything is going to be just fine.