Hopes and fears raising a daughter

My heart fills with love and pride when I look at my little girl. And yet underneath it all, a fear that nags at me quietly from the back of my mind.

My greatest hope for her future is that she doesn’t experience life as a woman the way I have, and the way many past generations of women have. That she doesn’t have to feel this same fear.

That she doesn’t feel judged each time she walks into a room, by how she looks, what she wears, who she hangs out with.

I hope she can enjoy friendships with guys without feeling pressured for something more, that she doesn’t have to feel that sting of hurt and disappointment when she realises her friendship was not what they wanted. To feel the betrayal of a male friend lying about her just to score some points with his friends. That her friendships with women are positive, supportive and loving, without competition, jealousy or pettiness. That they will stand by her, the way that men seem to do so much more often with each other.

I hope she never finds herself in some of the situations I and many other women have. To feel distrust and fear of men. To become cynical and always think the worst. To hate the body she lives in, to wish it away. To feel like she’ll never be at home in it again. To feel powerless and utterly let down by it’s weakness and vulnerability, and that it couldn’t protect her.

I hope that she feels strong, and safe in her body, and that it belongs to her alone unless she chooses to share it.

I hope that she is lucky enough that when she finds someone who says they love her, that they don’t take her for granted, try to own or control her, or become her worst nightmare.

I hope she never experiences the fear of being stalked or controlled, or of asking others for help only to feel judgement and shame.

I hope that if one day she wants to have children, that she doesn’t feel the constant struggle of juggling work and home. That she goes to work and comes home feeling supported and equal. That she doesn’t have to feel like a failure at one in order to be successful at the other.

I hope that she can feel comfortable in her own skin, to always feel free to be quirky, creative and loud, as she is now.

I’m lucky enough to have made it through some of these experiences over the years, which ended up full of nightmares, fears, and being angry at the world. I’m lucky I have finally started to become comfortable in my own skin, and found a partner who is kind and supportive. For those moments where I can’t bear to be touched. For those days of crippling anxiety where the thought of going anywhere seems overwhelming. I know not every man is a threat. And I know this is not every woman’s story. I just know all too often it can be, and I hope for a better future for her.