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Helping Your Child to Sleep

what I did to change my mindset about helping my kiddo to sleep

By Melody SPublished 3 years ago 4 min read
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Helping Your Child to Sleep
Photo by Igordoon Primus on Unsplash

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Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

“Mom, I need you to lie with me.”

Is this a common refrain in your house? It is in mine. So common it’s not even asked anymore, I’m just there with my 10-year-old at bedtime. I’ve been laying with him for 30 minutes, at least, per night for 10 years.

This equals about 132 hours, or 5.5 days (honestly, probably more because as a toddler he could last up 2 hours to fall asleep so there was a lot of moving). Sometimes we meditate, sometimes we talk, often he likes a back rub now days. Other nights I read on my phone or play a game to quell my anxiety of sitting there doing nothing.

I’m not always as present as I idealize. Anxiety has robbed me of a lot of opportunity for connection and as he’s needing me less I’m more aware I’ve been squandering my time, which makes me more anxious so I’m writing an article because I need to read my advice, in case you feel scolded.

But bedtime is perfect for two activities:

Connect and slowing down (meditation).

And lots of people say, I have chores around the house, and sometimes other children or partners. I need to XYZ. I understand, me too. You’re busy, I’m busy, we’re all damn busy. Life is busy, and chores are endless. Connecting with someone is not. Slowing down is priceless.

I often ask parents to meditate, and they say they lack time. It’s here at bedtime for you. Slowing down, connecting with yourself, being mindful for 10 or 15 or 30 minutes.

If it’s taking longer than 30 minutes for your child to fall asleep, take a break. Leave the room, stretch, get a drink, pee (having to pee actually increases your anxiety and heart rate). Let them do a quiet activity.

If you have two kids to get down, we always laid together in one bed and I read on my phone, using the library app. When my older one got tired, which was usually after my little one was asleep, then we moved to her bed.

Important for light sleeping kids, do not let them fall asleep on your arm. When they are drifting to sleep, place their head on their mattress or pillow. If they fall asleep on your arm and you move they will wake up.

Summer is always 80 times harder to get my kids to fall asleep. The light and the warm, make it super tough. Because we don’t have air conditioning, my son sleeps with a fan in the summer, but he’s so used to the noise he turns it on the winter too. So I have to dress in layers to lie in his bed. What we do for our kids.

Most kids need about 30 minutes to wind down. My son spends his half hour engaging in activities that frustrate me because they don’t seem like winding down. He’s jumping around, drinking, talking, telling me jokes. And I spend a lot of time breathing deeply, and sometimes I tell him to lie down. And sometimes I let it go. Either way, after 30 minutes, he snuggles under his blankets and requests a back rub and drifts off peacefully.

The other important consider for getting kids to sleep is making sure they get the right number of hours. I reverse engineer my kids sleep needs, by noting what time they fall asleep and what time they wake if I don’t wake them. Then setting bedtime based on what time we need to wake.

For most preschoolers and some toddlers, they need about 12 hours of sleep. If they aren’t napping, make bedtime about 11.5 hours after waking. If they are napping, naptime should be about 5.5 hours after waking and bedtime 5.5 hours after they wake from their nap. These aren’t times set in stone, just averages, if you can let your child wake naturally, at least from time to time like weekends or holidays, let them and discover how much sleep they need and plan bedtime from there. But your mileage may vary (aka they need more o r less sleep).

Bedtime is the perfect time to slow and connection. Bedtime can often be a time when parents struggle most. With a little shift in perspective it can be the time parents enjoy the most.



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