Growing Pains

"Difficult."

"Hard to handle."

"Strong-willed."

"A bad kid."

These labels followed him most of his young life. He didn't mean to be difficult, he knew what was right and what was wrong. Sometimes, in the moment, he just didn't think about it. Honestly, he wanted to be good. He just got so excited that it slipped his mind.

The words got to him though. What if he was just pre-programmed to be bad? Mom was always yelling at him. She cried when she thought he wasn't looking. He didn't want to make Mom cry. He wanted to make her smile, laugh, and be proud of him.

Dad was always mad at him, too. He had a quieter anger. His yelling was quieter.

He felt like he couldn't get it right. Even his teachers and Grandma were always mad. He kept making the wrong choices. Why couldn't he get it right?

Every day when he got up, he and Mom talked about making good choices. They'd make promises and deals for him to have a good day, and some how by lunch time he was doing it wrong.

Part of it was his attention. It bounced quickly from one subject to another. Focusing was hard. His mind was curious, he just wanted to know how everything worked. To make it worse, he was physical. He played rough with other kids and learned best if he could do it himself. Being told didn’t make sense. It jumbled his brain up even more.

Maybe he was difficult. He didn’t bend easily to something he didn’t want to do. He felt like he was always fighting to validate his choices to everyone. He just wanted them to understand why he did what he did, but putting his reasons into words was hard. He knew what he wanted to say, but it came out wrong.

He tried so hard.

He kept messing up.

What if they decided they didn’t want him anymore> Would they send him away? He didn’t want to go away. He loved his family, even though he only saw Dad on the weekend, and Mom was at work all the time. He loved getting to be with his brother and Grandma and aunt all the time.

He loved everything just the way it was. He needed to change, to be better. He just didn’t know how. Being small is hard. He doesn’t have the best control of how he expresses his big feelings yet, either. After all, he is only five.

He’s still learning. Still growing.

He still needs help figuring things out, even though he tries so hard to do it on his own.

Mom is struggling too. She’s trying her best to get through to him without yelling, but he only seems to hear her when she yells. Or if he does hear her, it doesn’t seem to matter until she’s loud, scary, and too angry to censor her words.

She knows words have a big impact on people. Better than most, she knows how deeply words can hurt, and more than anything, she doesn’t want him to hurt. He’s her baby. She feels like she’s failing him by not knowing how to help him break through. She could never give him upand hates that he has heard her say that she might have to send him to live with his dad, because she doesn’t mean it, not even a little. Her two boys are her everything. They are why she does everything she does.

She’s struggling, too.

And she’s trying to hide it so her doesn’t bear her burdens.

His brother is fighting his progress every step of the way. Partly because, to him, it’s always a competition. A competition to be the best at everything, to be the best behaved son, and to get mom’s love.

His brother doesn’t understand that Mom loves them both, with her whole heart, no matter what. All day, every day, forever. So he blames him for everything, trying to get him in trouble.

He’s still little, too.

He’s only seven.

Two little boys, one easy and one difficult. As different as a forest fire and a hurricane.

His brother struggles quieter, in his own ways, but he struggles, too.

And as imperfect as they are, as hard as it is, they’re going to get through, because even though their struggles are different, they’re all struggling together.

And as long as they’re together, they can over come and adapt to anything life throws their way.

This is our story; mine and my children. And we do struggle, every day. But we get through, together.