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Gratitude At A Time Of Significant Loss, Isolation, And Disappointment

Why I Am More Grateful This Year, Even Though Last Year Was A "Better" Year

By Michael Hanson-MetayerPublished 3 years ago 8 min read
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Gratitude At A Time Of Significant Loss, Isolation, And Disappointment
Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash

Since March 17th, I have not been within 6 feet of anyone who I have not known for at least 10 years ( I live in a state that has taken Covid seriously and I took Covid guidance and recommendations given to me especially seriously since, by many definitions, as a cancer survivor I am considered a part of the "vulnerable population"). I have not been within 6 feet of my parents, who are older, since the pandemic started and have greatly limited the times I have visited them at any distance. I have not seen my last surviving grandparent, my grandmother, in person since the pandemic began and part of me fears I may not see her again as she is older and community spread is worse than it has ever been in my area with the 6 foot distance recommendations having become no multi-household gatherings.

By Forest Simon on Unsplash

Following guidance to a T, having been single at the beginning of the pandemic, I have not been able to meet new people in person or really date in any meaningful way and therefore have been super celibate during pandemic times (though it may not be the only reason... I use the pandemic as an excuse). In mid March, I had to transition immediately to working from home, to the point of having my office supplies delivered to me in a large box in the parking lot of my office so that I could set up my home office without going back inside the office building (felt almost like being fired and having your belongings delivered to you, except they were giving me new company property instead of demanding I return the company property I already had) . This was after waiting something like 18 months for our new office building and the myriad improvements that were put into it to be completed (literally brand new offices have been vacated for the last 9 months, immediately following being finished), which included an in office fitness facility, kitchens, publicly available no cost snacks, gourmet single cup grind and brew type coffee machines, little hide away spaces for escaping the cube farm, and just a lot of start up type fringe in building benefits that were a lure for me to take the job in the first place. In April, I was furloughed for a couple months from that full-time job, then when I returned to work it was only part-time and I have yet to return to a full time schedule. To top it all off, my plans to take my father on a trip to watch a few Red Sox games for his 70th birthday was made impossible by Covid-19, and it was one of those trips that was years in the making as I was looking at it as both a "thank you for taking care of me for so many years" and celebration of a milestone 70 years in the making, once in a lifetime, type trip ( really built this trip up in my mind for something like 3 years). To put it simply, this year has not gone according to plan.

By Veronica Benavides on Unsplash

Perspective is an interesting animal. Possibly half in spite of, and definitely half because of, the shit show that has been the last 9 months, I feel more grateful for what I have and what I have experienced in this life now than I have at any time I can remember in my 3 plus decades of life. I am a cancer survivor who recognizes that I would not be alive but for the amazing work of a number of medical professionals, and was very much appreciative of that work when I was told I was cancer free, but am still more grateful now than I was then, or at any other time in my lifetime. I am grateful for both the small things and the large, both recent events and things that have happened decades ago, for the things that I was able to accomplish as well as the things that happened to and for me because of the efforts of others, and even for many of the experiences which at first were painful but later took on a new meaning. It is a long list, but starts as follow...

An Abbreviated List Of Gratitude

I am thankful for...

  • Both my parents and my grandmother still being alive and, at least comparatively for their ages, quite healthy. None of them have caught Covid and they continue to follow measures which will hopefully keep them from catching it.
  • My health, and consider myself lucky to not have caught Covid. I have taken guidelines seriously, but a lot of others who took them seriously have not been as lucky.
  • My daughter having not caught Covid, and even though the isolation of the hybrid education system and social distancing have taken a psychological toll on her, her and I have a better relationship in many ways than we did before having to start sharing the same space for work, school and general life for 9 months. It definitely could have gone the other way.

By Juliane Liebermann on Unsplash
  • The fact that I still have a job while many people don't. My company went fully remote and working from home has meant that I do not have to travel or expose myself to the risk of covid some people have to live with. Management just announced holiday presents in lieu of a holiday party, and those presents were not cheap. I do feel like there is an effort to show appreciation to employees even though the great fringe benefits years in the making were no longer available very shortly after being finished.
  • The many friends and family members that are still a part of my life even though I have much less ability to see them in person. I have not seen many of them in person for 9 months, but I am still able to communicate with them and in some cases have felt encouraged to reach out to people who I might otherwise not have checked in with.
  • The variety of technologies that were not nearly as robust as they are now just 5 years ago, that have allowed me to see friends and family members, both those in state and those living across the country, at a time when being in the same room simply is not an option. Video conferencing and chats have let me see people who have moved away and, I am almost 100% sure, that without Covid protocols, I would not be video chatting with those friends and family members who live out of state.

By Gabriel Benois on Unsplash
  • For the fact that I was even alive at the beginning of Covid. Almost 7 years after being declared cancer free, I had started to forget the idea that I was only alive because of medical professionals doing their jobs sell. The medical efforts in regards to Covid reinforce that idea as the medical profession is in overdrive trying to keep people from having significant Covid symptoms, both through education as well as treatment of the sick, at risk to their own health and safety.
  • For the luck I had in switching to a job that so easily became work from home. Having to work from a crowded office would not have been comfortable for me in a pandemic and working from home has been enjoyable enough for me that I am considering pursuing it even after I no longer have to do so. The transition to working from home likely would never have happened without the current circumstances.
  • For the extra time at home to pursue other skills and hobbies. Unlike many, I actually managed to be somewhat productive with a portion of my extra time (though I have to admit that I have also seen television series I otherwise would not have had the time to see). I have been able to focus on some of my art and writing and both feel like both have developed in appreciable ways.
  • A new perspective on life. I am definitely a more appreciative person for those things that I have after many of the things I took for granted were taken away. Plans I made we cancelled for me by circumstance, and my daily life as I knew it was upended and might never fully return to "normal".

Ultimately, this is only partial list. I am learning more about the things I have or have experienced as this circumstance continues. There is a lot of room for self reflection that did not exist in the before times. I recognize that I need to continue to use this time to refine gratitude as well as to take inventory of the good things in my life. I also look at this time, which will likely continue on for at least a few months, as a chance to make additional changes in my life for the future. I definitely feel more grateful today than I ever have in my life, and I am glad to have had the opportunity to experience gratitude as I have, though I wish it had not taken a global pandemic to get to this appreciation for being thankful for what I have.

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About the Creator

Michael Hanson-Metayer

A restless soul, typically caught in between 2 divergent things. Sometimes freelance writer, occasional photographer, wide eyed observer of humanity, often a chronicler of recent and contemporary events, and frequent storyteller.

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