Goodnight Moon - Revised

Goodnight Moon Revised

(A parody of Margaret Wise Brown's famous poem)

In the messy family room,
There was a telemarketer ringing the telephone
And a toddler crying
because her brother just popped her red balloon

A picture of
The cow jumping over the moon (which someone scribbled on with a forbidden Sharpie)
And there was a missing teddy bear, and a little girl with gum in her hair
("I don't know where it came from or how it got there")

A child to be scolded
Laundry to be folded
An angry spouse
And something stinky in the house
And a comb and a brush, and a teething baby who just won't hush
And a frazzled mommy screaming words she will regret at church on Sunday

In the hallway near the door,
There was a coat rack leaning under the weight of too many backpacks
And a pile of mail advertising things nobody buys anymore
A shoe that would never find its mate
And a permission slip that was late (it needed signing three days ago)
And a cracker crushed into the carpet so deep it would never come out
And a phone buzzing with a text from the PTA president asking for volunteers
And a calendar showing three overlapping appointments for Saturday morning

In the kitchen just beyond,
There was a sink full of dishes that nobody wanted to touch
And a half-eaten hot dog that had been sitting there since lunch
A smeary chocolate fingerprint on the refrigerator door
And a puddle of juice on the floor
A dog stealing pretzels because he thought no one could see
And a cat knocking pens off the table with deliberate glee
A casserole burning in the oven
And a child asking "what's for dinner" for the seven hundredth time
A stack of unpaid bills beneath a coloring book
And a pacifier that fell behind the shelf where no one could look

Up the stairs that creaked and groaned,
There was a tube of toothpaste squeezed from the middle (again)
And a hairbrush with enough strands to knit a small sweater
A dying nightlight flickering its last pathetic glow
And a baby monitor picking up static from the neighbor's radio
And a pair of glasses missing one arm
And a phone charger that only worked if you held it at exactly the right angle

Goodnight messy room
Goodnight scribbled-on moon
Goodnight cow who's getting out while she can
Goodnight telemarketers and popped balloon
Goodnight long-gone teddy bear
Goodnight soggy cereal bar smeared all over the chair

Goodnight spit-up
And goodnight leaky sippy cup

Goodnight cracker crumbs and hallway mess
Goodnight backpack stress
Goodnight single shoe waiting in vain
Goodnight permission slip causing such pain
Goodnight junk mail and bills galore
Goodnight PTA asking for more
Goodnight calendar with no white space
Goodnight sticky notes that I will misplace

Goodnight much-too-little house
Goodnight grumpy spouse
Goodnight comb and goodnight brush
And goodnight to a certain three-year-old who needs to hush right now I mean it

Goodnight kitchen sink
Goodnight half-eaten hot dog starting to stink
Goodnight chocolate fingerprint that will need scrubbing
Goodnight puddle of juice and the dog who needs shoving
Goodnight cat with your mischievous purr
Goodnight burned casserole (dinner is pizza for sure)
Goodnight unpaid bills hiding in plain sight
Goodnight pacifier lost in the night

Goodnight creaky stairs
Goodnight toothpaste squeezed all wrong
Goodnight hairbrush with hair too long
Goodnight glasses with one arm gone
Goodnight charger that won't stay on

Goodnight sleep that we used to know
Goodnight to the silence we lost long ago
Goodnight Elmo
Goodnight toys we'll pick up tomorrow
(or the next day)

Hello, pillow
Hello, Netflix
Ahh, me time, finally…

.end.