Good Memoirs

When we are born, we don't get to choose who our family is. It is a fact of life. We can choose our friends and extended family, and sometimes we wish we could change the family we are born into. But that is not what my story is about. This particular story is about my grandmother who passed away in 2010.

I have seen many grandmas, and so many grandparent like to spoil their grandkids. It is not necessarily a bad thing, however, my grandma was not like any other grandparent. She like to spoil, but at the same time she valued the lessons life had. She valued hard work and honesty. she never judged a book by the cover and enjoyed reading.

My grandma is one of the reasons I love to read, and when I was young, and able to spend time with her, she would help me write. My grandma is no longer living, and writing and reading is one way I stay close to her, on top of puzzles, oh my grandma loved puzzles. I am not talking about 100 piece either, No she loved the challenging 5,000 to 7,000 piece puzzles. I remember going to her home and helping her. She taught me that the small jigsaws must match in shape or the piece would break.

My grandmother adored her children and my brother and I. She treated my brother matt and me as her own children when we came for a visit. Of course, Matt was a boy and he had a closer connection to our aunt. Most of the time he spent with her drawing and playing video games. Me, on the other hand, I was always a grandmas little girl.

At grandma's house, I never wanted to leave. I wished she could have kept me there forever. I hated going back home. My grandma spoiled me, but not with materials, or money. She spoiled me with her time, and love and compassion.

Around the time I turned 16 and some years after the death of my brother, I finally got my wish, I got to go live with my grandma. Unfortunately, since I was older, my heart was already stone. I had gone through things in my past that no one knew, even grandma.

Let me take you back a few steps. Prior to moving in with grandma, I was living with my father and ex-stepmother. Lets talk about ex-stepmother for a moment. Cheryl was a piece of work. She was selfish, and cruel. Many of us grew up with watching Disney films. If you combine all the evil stepmothers from the each Disney film, it would not be enough to match the amount of evil Cheryl was. I hated her.

Going to grandmas was freedom from her when I was a kid. Now, lets talk about my father for a moment. Well, my father, lets just say that he was not a father. Remember, when we are born we do not get to choose who our family is. But if I could have, it would not have been Cheryl and Craig.

SO going back, while Cheryl was evil in my eyes, her amount of abuse was not the main reason for me wanting to live with grandma. It was my Craig. When I was 16 he kicked me out of the home. I started drinking, going out with the guy I was dating at the time, and doing drugs. Then I was in Mexico. Literally. I was a mess, and stupid, yes.

Fast-forwarding, I was deported back to the states, and I was held in protective custody. At that time, no one new who I was. I had lost all my identification, and I also refused to tell them who I was. After about 2 or 3 weeks, I spoke with the social worker. I told her I would only tell them who I was if I could live with my grandma. She said as long as my grandma gave the okay, then it was fine.

My grandma took me in and of course, if I wanted to stay, I had to do what she asked. Go to counseling and straighten up my actions. I went to counseling, and got clean and sober. But then my dad killed himself. After that, I became angry and I took it out on my own grandmother. The sweet loving woman who took me in. I was making mistake after mistake. Like I said, she valued life and honesty.

One lesson that she taught me, and yes I had to learn the hard way, when you run away there are consequences. I did not want to run away, I just hated that she did not like my friends, of course, she had good reason not to like them or want me around them, but at that time, I did not care.

Because of my actions, she sent me to a place called Sanctuary. It was fine at first and I thought it was a joke at first. The first week I was there I fed her tales of my remorse and what not. My grandma could not be fooled, she said she did not think I was being honest, and so she left me there longer. I was upset. Then more girls came in and I got a real look at reality.

I was nothing like those girls. They were in gangs and had a rap for committing crimes and vandalism. And they were into more hard core drugs than I was. Yes after my father offed himself, I got back on drugs. Not proud. The girls were violent to each other and it did not help that some were in gangs that rivaled each other.

I started to realize I did not belong there but that grandma was trying to teach me where I was headed if I kept it up. Not what I wanted. Finally I was able to talk to my grandma again, and this time, I was sincere. I did not tell her what I thought she wanted to hear, instead I was honest.

Things were well for a while, until I decided to get engaged and married right after I turned 18. Grandma was against it from the stat. She was right to be. But at that time, again I did not care. I did it anyway. She was not happy and did not approve. I think this was my biggest mistake and my one regret in life.

My grandma made me move out, and said, "you made the bed now you have to lay in it." I did not understand what she meant, but I wish I had at that time. Because of this I lost many years with my grandma.

It was my stupidity. My grandmas good deed to me does not go unnoticed. While she did not spoil me with materials, or money, she spoiled me with love and lessons. Lessons that I wish I had valued then when I was a teen and before I lost her. My grandma tried to show me that things in life are not handed to you, but you have to work and earn it. When I was younger, and i married, it was for the wrong reasons, and she knew it. she knew it before I did. I also thought grandma would support me while I was married and finished school.

NOPE! I was wrong, and to this day, I am glad she did not. Her love, even though she had to show me through harshness, helped me see the reality that I was refusing to see. She gave me the ultimate lesson in life.

I took her kindness, and generosity and her love for granted, and if I knew then what I know now, I would have been honest and true as she was.

While I know people think this is a small thing or no big deal, for me it is. I live with this every day of my life, and before she died, grandma and I were able to make amends to each other. But I waited too long, and her life was almost over. She taught me to value life, and love, and kindness and she taught me to learn to love myself. She taught me the value of a life lesson, and to cherish every moment I can.

Yes, there is a lot more to this story that meets the eye. I have omitted certain parts because I want the good that my grandma did for me to stand out the most.

Sometimes, the greatest deed you can give in life, is a lesson of love, compassion, and generosity, but most of all, love. That is what my grandmother gave and showed me, even though I learned it later than she had hoped. Grandma, I love and miss you and your memory still lives in the heart of those left behind. RIP Patricia Clodfelter.