Gentle Parenting Approach

Gentle Parenting, also known as Attachment Parenting, is a method of parenting with the goal to develop confident, happy children who think for themselves. Gentle Parenting takes a huge amount of self-control and believes in connection between parent and child, empathy and mutual respect.

Discipline is often taken as meaning something negative that happens in reaction and to discourage a bad behavior. But the word discipline truly means "to teach." Gentle Parenting uses connection between the child and the parent as the tool to be constantly teaching children the difference between right and wrong. Children learn by observation of the parent's behavior as opposed to, "do as I say not as I do." Neither rewards or punishment are used. Without rewards or punishment children are given the opportunity to try to do good for the sake of being good. Rewards and punishment blur a child's decision making only allowing them to either be afraid of punishment that may result after their action or act in a way only to receive a promised reward. This approach encourages children to be genuine and truly learn what is right and wrong and try to act accordingly, which then helps them in adulthood be more independent, honest people.

Once again, connection is key in the Gentle Parenting approach. A child is always encouraged to share how they are feeling and when they are having a breakdown of some sort, a parent should then try to look beyond the breakdown and help children determine the under-the-surface cause as to why they are behaving the way that they are. If a toddler is throwing a fit, a parent who uses this approach would not respond with things such as, "stop crying and listen to me right now!," but will allow the child's emotional blow up to pass (usually fits don't last more than 5 minutes but may feel like an eternity), and then once the child is able to understand what is happening, a parent can explain why that was not okay, and then find out why the child is feeling the way that they do. Any form of discipline then used is clearly explained so the child understands exactly what the consequences to their behavior will be.

Gentle Parenting also believes in using Choices vs. Commands for the sake of mutual respect. Most parents demand a child's respect while never in turn respecting their child's uniqueness. When a child is respected, respect is more likely to be returned. By giving a child choices instead of saying, "Clean up your toys because I told you to!" and instead saying something like, "Would you like to clean up your toys now or after we eat lunch?," it doesn't give an option of not following the direction, but it allows the child some choice as to when and how. If you need the toys cleaned up right away, maybe try saying, "Would you like me to play music as you pick up your toys?" Then they still have an option but they know now is the time to clean up.

It is very important to note that Gentle Parenting is not the easy way out or permissive in any way. That may be the case for a specific parent using the Gentle Parenting beliefs but not a flaw in the overall parenting style. Gentle Parenting requires major amounts of self-control and a parent may have to step back in a stressful situation to think about their actions before they react to their child. In dangerous situations where a child is in harms way, saying "no" is of course absolutely fine but the idea is to not just reply with "no" before thinking about why you would say no to the child. Of course every situation is different but this approach requires patience, respect, and empathy looking towards the future instead of immediate behavioral control to develop well rounded, confident, and genuine children.

I appreciate you taking time to read this. If you liked what you read please take a moment to like and share with friends and family. Also be sure to check out my profile to see more topics I've written on and if you're feeling generous my tips are always open. Thank you!