Fun Family Communication

Hot Potato Affect

Concept: The transfer of negative energy from one person to the next through relationships in couples, families, co-workers, and even friends. The formal term we use in psychology is displacement. An example of displacement is losing your job and then going home and kicking the dog or yelling at your kids for leaving a dish in the sink. You essentially take out your frustration on someone in your circle.

In the Law of Thermodynamics, the Conservation of Energy explains this: Energy is neither created nor destroyed; it is transferred. If negative energy is introduced into a system or relationship, it can swirl and manifest through the person receiving it. The bad vibes can be passed from person to person, unfortunately.

Funny saying or encouragement. Saying or statement: “Don’t be a hot potato, be a cool tomato.”

Example:

Problem:

In the family structure, many times the mother or father will be managing a young child and have to patiently work with a temperamental child or a kid having a tantrum. The stress of the aftermath of listening to screaming, crying, etc. can be bottled up in the parent managing the stress.

Solution:

So, rather than venting indirectly by yelling at the other parent or dumping, share, “I am a little overwhelmed at this point, I need some time"… to avoid displacing of frustration or in more impactful terms, throwing hot potatoes at your spouse.

Transformation Station

Concept: Term for when your child is in whining mode and you have to break, he or she out of it, so you transform them with music or art, crafts or some form of healthy distraction that resets their brain.

You should always attempt to use words first, but to break a child out of a negative spiral, the transformation station works very well.

Example:

Problem: You are having a difficult time getting your kids out of bed to get ready for school. After three attempts asking them, “Time to get up kids, let’s go,” you can try a transformation station technique. They usually say, “I am too tired, I want to sleep more.” As parents, we all know too well how easy it is for our kids to get stuck in a negative state of mind. Try this.

Solution: Play the song, “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” by The Tokens. Wait a few minutes and watch. They will slowly slither out of their beds and get up to get ready for school. You can also try any other songs of your own that you think will work for your particular family. This technique helps you to mix up your routine and provide some sound and/or color to your day when raising your children. The creative use of music is a positive adaptation to communicating with your children during challenging times.

Reverse Psychology

Concept: When kids are coming out of toddlerhood and are approaching pre-school (age 4-5), they spend a whole lot of their time trying to prove their autonomy to you. To take advantage of this, the use of reverse psychology can be used in a healthy way to activate children to follow some basic bedtimes and other household rules.

Example:

Problem: You child is up until 9:00 pm and seems to be too awake to go to bed. So, you wait 10-15 minutes and attempt to put them to bed but they are still too awake in their routine to transition into bedtime. Once in bed, if they say, "I don't want to go to sleep, I am not tired," try using a technique that sounds extreme but can work pretty effectively.

Solution: Utilize reverse psychology.

Go into their room during bedtime and sit in a chair next to them and during the dialogue say,

“Let’s stay up all night!”

Give them a second or two, and they will many times, process it with a counter argument like: “Read me one more book” or “Stay in here with me ten more minutes.” Because of the use of giving them a whole lot of space, they want to show their autonomy and make it their idea. This has worked several times for us in our family.