Forever alive

Whenever I think about calling you, I still tear up. Taking my phone out, scrolling to your name, just to end up reminding myself that your not going to answer. I feel as if I've been walking around in a fog. Not much time has passed, but I still want to believe that one day you'll call me. We spoke sometimes for hours, just about things happening in the world, family members, things that happened in general, day to day stuff, and your views on them. Although I have been one of few words, you still wanted to hear them. You would ask questions, and maybe throw a few jokes in, just to brighten the mood. No matter how much time we would spend on the phone, it always made me laugh when it was time to get off the phone. You would simply say bye, and hang up. That was just the way you hang up the phone. Anyone that spoke to you, knew that was your thing.

I remember as a kid, we lived around the corner from this bodega that we used to frequent. Most days, it used to take 3 hours to actually make it there and back. I may be exaggerating a bit, but not by much. Everyone that knew you, would stop and have these conversations with you. Some of these people were from the neighborhood, occasionally it would be a long lost friend, and even people you met from one of your various activities you participated in. I would stand in the background, entertaining myself by walking on the mini partition that surrounded the nearby trees. Then my mature meter would run dry, and I'd start lightly tugging on your bag. Usually, I wouldn't say anything aloud, but it was my non verbal "c'mon ma, let's go". I used to get so flustered because I just wanted to walk with you to the store and go back home; that very rarely happened.

It took me until I was a teen to really understand why so many people were drawn to you. These people sought out your guidance, opinions, support, alliance, and confidence as much as the family did. You kept all of these relationships up, which allowed you to become the link between everyone. Now that your gone, I see how much effort it took to maintain these various relationships. You didn't have a super fancy education, or an abundance of money which puzzled so many, because you knew so much. Your knowledge was spread by so many, and you didn’t get anywhere near the credit you deserved. I won't say you didn’t care, you just had a way with dealing with things that made you appear relaxed and in control. Your presence was irreplaceable, and you had the patience of a god. I always tell people, I strive to have patience just like you, and its understood that it's something to set the bar at.

Very rarely flustered; I cant count on one hand that I've ever seen you mad, or angry. On that same hand, I can recall the times I've heard you use a curse word too. Your motto was "stress kills, I cant be worried about that" and you practiced just that. Someone would attempt to throw you off with something and you'd just let it slide right off of you. Not the fake unbothered, just unbothered and moving to the regular scheduled program. I'm sure there were things on your mind, just couldn't tell.

We all thought that you would outlive us all! You always practiced a super healthy lifestyle, before we ever knew it was healthy. It was a more recent trend to eat tofu, squash, and eggplant. Now all of those are foods of the past; no one has ever made those things quite like you. We were always amazed by your cooking methods. You never tasted any of the food, and it was perfect everytime. A lot of the time there would be last minute guest to come over, and you'd cook up a feast with little to nothing. People would make stops to come and eat your food instead of going out to eat. I'll miss all the food you cooked, most of the dishes you prepared were exclusive to you. You showed me how to make them, it just never quite came out like yours.

Everyone just wanted to make you proud, Instead, you made us proud. You've done so much in your time here with us, that there is no one thing that I could fathom highlighting as important over anything else. Not many people can say that they've met someone that they were dazzled by and would never forget. Majority that met you, felt that way about you and that's truly rare. I'm just so happy that I can say that I have and even more that, that's my grandma.