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Finding Mom

a thank you to the one constant woman in my life

By ChellyPublished 3 years ago 6 min read
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Finding Mom
Photo by Aditya Romansa on Unsplash

I believe the last few years we all have been doing a little soul-searching and with things becoming chaotic and then an abrupt standstill... anyone could start thinking. Thinking about the past as well as the future...

In this challenge, we are to write a letter to one of the strongest women in our life and I feel that it has to be none other than you, B.

You didn't ask to be part of the family other than a partner to my father, but you ended up becoming one of my main confidants. Someone who had challenges in the past and a lot of heartaches equal to our heartache, but who still loved unconditionally. Your loss before meeting us was immeasurable, and yet you continued onward - sharing your warmth and your light where ever you went.

You helping Father with new tech

Let me take a step back and say this - years before you stepped into our lives, was a bit of a mess. I never really had a 'motherly' figure for long. A few people stepped in to play as well as my sister, but growing up somewhat motherless as a girl growing up is - well - hard. I never got those important talks - you know the ones. The first time I got my monthly my father didn't know what to say or do so he just threw some products my way, along with a heating pad and chocolate. No explanation was given, thankfully - I had health class before so I knew what to expect, but if I hadn't - I fear all the comical tropes would come into play if that was the case. But, I digress - I didn't have anyone there by my side to teach me things; like hairdos, makeup, or even really talking about boys. I didn't have someone to confined it - until you.

I remember when you came into my life - you see, my father was always in and out with women. Kind of a serial dater so to speak - when I look back now I feel like he just couldn't stand to be alone in this world. He went through countless women before he met you, but when we met it was different than most.

You never once forced me to know anything about you - honestly, I think I was more intrigued by the lack of any information at first, but mainly it was the way you stood up to my father when he was picking on me. That is what made me instantly like you.

You saw it as having fun at my expense, and wouldn't stand for it. Let's say family dynamics are always interesting and usually I was the scapegoat of the family. It was something that always happened - like I was the butt of every joke and I just kind of accepted it - until you.

I think that watching you deal with him made me respect you more. You said what was on your mind no matter what - and from a person who struggles with sometimes crippling anxiety - that is something that I want so badly.

You always knew what to say - and how to say it in a way that wasn't cruel, but it did get through to people, and my father backed off.

Throughout the years we would get closer, especially after your wedding to him. You looked after my well-being always, you checked in with my health and mental status from time to time and even offered suggestions (when asked.)

You and Father at my wedding

One of the best parts of you is that you'd always find a way to make someone feel welcome, from your standing up to my father - or even including my then-boyfriend into the mix. He was super nervous about meeting you and father, but mostly you... and you sat there with a plate of random food and just chatted about anything other than the topic of him. You even took into consideration his extreme food aversion into play and put out things that he could munch on and engage with when he felt comfortable.

He always mentioned that was the first time that no one commented on his eating habits and that for once he didn't have the anxiety that he always felt when at a social gathering.

Since then you have become more than just a friend to me or even a mentor - you became more...

Fast forward to when you came all the way to Canada to be there for the delivery of my daughter. With your soft guidance to help Father through his own trauma (the death of my actual mom), I saw you give him a pat on the arm and then trudge forward to hug me. You knew he would need time to enter into the room, but you also knew that I needed you.

I think at that moment - I knew in my heart that I loved you more than I could ever comprehend. At that moment... I found my mom.

B, you have always been this resilient woman in my life. I mean you deal with Father. (Just kidding.) Keeping up with the ins and outs of my family - you've taken me under your wing not once but multiple times knowing that Father and I were a powder keg. (With your guidance we are better now.) You've worked towards getting my other sibling up on their feet as well as branched out and taken in a whole family under your wing.

You have been through a lot, and have loved so many people and been there for so many people, but most of all me...

You were there, always when I needed you. You always pushed me to do better - even to have those hard conversations with others.

You were there at the birth of my daughter and even stayed with me overnight so I wouldn't be alone and my partner could get some much-needed rest before the circus came home.

I believe it was at that point that I stopped correcting people when I introduced you. You weren't Step Mom anymore you were just ... Mom. My mom.

You have helped me grow into who I am today and I am grateful for having you in my life. I know my little family is too.

So, thank you, B. Thank you for loving me as you do. For always challenging me to be better. For simply just being this everlasting calm in this chaotic world.

Thank you, B.

I love you, Mom.

extended family
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About the Creator

Chelly

Late 30s something sudo adult whose life function revolves around her spawn, coffee, sarcasm.

I write about depression and anxiety, so if I've been awkward trust me... I know and will remember it for well over 10 years.

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