FB Comments: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Has this happened to you? You had a rough day — and so you post a little rant about it.... "Toddler colored on the walls while 7 year old bathed the cat in apple juice and the baby threw up all over the clean basket of laundry as if auditioning for the exorcist."

Here come the FB comments:

"THIS is why I will NEVER have kids"

"Enjoy it while it lasts, they are little for such a short time"

"OMG good luck with that!"

"Let me know if you need anything"

Sometimes the treatment is worse than the cure, this is one of those times. You are reaching out for support and the feedback you are getting is exactly the opposite of helpful.

Here is how these responses make me feel, tell me I am not alone in this.

"THIS is why I will NEVER have kids."

Magical. I am VERY happy for you that you are so certain in your life path. I would not wish children on someone who does not want them. It is an incredibly huge amount of work and although I find it very satisfying, (despite exhausting) the same can obviously not be said for everyone. HOWEVER, using my frustrations to justify your life choices and perhaps get a little "jab" in because I have not chosen your path too, is petty and annoying. Everyone, children or not, faces challenges. If I commented on one of your rants, telling you that all your problems could be solved by having a baby, I would be an insensitive JERK. (Not to mention—WTH you are not just a baby making machine—women are more than that now!) More importantly, I would be wrong. I don't mind that you don't have kids. Just no need to remind me of that on every one of my posts about mine.

"Enjoy it while it lasts, they are little for such a short time."

True. They grow so fast. There are undoubtedly so many precious, fleeting moments when raising kids. (Here comes the but) BUT, just because there are beautiful, fleeting moments does not mean every moment of childhood is precious and to be cherished. Kids do things that drive their parents up walls (or to drink) and there is no escaping from that no matter how damn cute they are the rest of the time. While I appreciate that this sentiment is well meant—it fails to address the feelings of frustration and exhaustion that are part of being a parent. There is no way I am going to enjoy trying to wash the zinc oxide out of my screaming, squirming two year old's hair. (Although, it did smell fantastic afterwards and was soft as a baby's bum!)

"OMG good luck with that."

Thanks? I think? LOL. Well, I guess I would be speechless too facing some of the crazy sh*t I have posted in the past. Ultimately this is just a lame response, not particularly inflammatory but definitely not uplifting! The comments section has become rather infamous of late. This, is part of the problem. (A lesser part, IMHO.) "OMG" — ok, makes sense a brief but to the point exclamation of disbelief at the crazy events that transpired. "Good luck with that" comes across either smug and insincere or almost like an expression of pity—either way—not fantastic.

"Let me know if you need anything."

This is the PERFECT example of good intentions meets totally useless wet noodle attempt as aid. The overall tone of this comment is sweet but no parent ever is going to come up with a list of things you could do to help them out. I am totally guilty of this one too. I genuinely mean it when I type it but it really doesn't help. If you want to help a parent at the end of their tether—make them a meal, bring it by. Go by, offer to manage the zoo while mom naps or gets a well deserved shower. Or come up with your own list of things you would be willing to do and give them the choice. Don't offer and then sit back and wait for them to beacon you, it won't happen.

What to Consider

Empathy. Try and put yourselves in their shoes, what would you want to hear? Validate their frustration rather then dismissing it or downplaying it. If you can help—do it, don't say it. Sharing a story of your own can be helpful and lead to an awesome thread of hilarious yet terrible stories. Most importantly, be kind. Make the internet a kinder place, one comment at a time.

If you are on the receiving end: salt ladies, take everything with a big old grain of salt. Tackle one nightmare at a time, you've got this. I know it feels it right now, but you are not alone.