eyes half-opened

It's a bright, sunny, beautiful day. Outside anyways. But inside it's a different story, it's raining, and gloomy, with little chance of letting up. Hurricane Madi is in full force, catastrophic damage. Damage to herself, my house, and sadly others. See, she doesn't do it with malice, or deviousness, she's autistic, and doesn't really know what she's doing. She can't talk and when she needs something and can't communicate she proceeds to bang her head off everything cement blocks, pavement, counter tops; EVERYTHNG, she doesn't discriminate! Alysa will walk by her not even saying a word to Madi and Madi will haul off and start beating Alysa up. I'd tell Lysa that Madi doesn't understand what she's doing and why. I would explain Madi's brain is like a bunch of wires that are connected properly, and her brain isn't quite like ours. My heart shattered, she was too young and didn't understand. But that didn't let the "love taps" stop her. She was going to go play with her sister. They were sisters first, diagnosis later. They played hard everyday. She can get distracted by a butterfly fluttering by.

What she really loved, and still does love is Chorus. She loves to sing. She can learn a song just by hearing it 1 time. Taylor Swift and Jason Aldean are just a few of her favorites, as well as any musical. She performs with the high school chorus, she has had solo's, duets every year!!

When she was a little girl, she would receive therapy 3 times a day, 4 days a week. Speech, occupational therapy, specialized learning, and she had a TSS as well. Which is a therapist who works in and out of your home. There were days she would spend in time out. She hated counting objects consecutively. And her therapist knew it, but yet we continued on trudging along. All we were asking of her was to point and count, but Madi despised us now. They would work hand over hand with her., ut that would piss her off She hated being constricted. Her shirts had to be loose and flowing. She'd wear jeans, but leggings were preferred . Now that she is older those issues don't define her anymore she loves skinny jeans!!!!!! Her head was a super sensitive and same with her ears. Loud noises bothered her, brushing her hair bothered her, doing her hair bothered her, so did cleaning her ears but I would always give in because I felt like I was torturing her. I couldn't do it any more.

Madi had a few food aversions that made feeing her interested. Take cheese for instance, she'd only eat American cheese slices, no string cheese. colby, no provolone, muenster, none of them. She would only be able to keep attention for short periods of time. I remember times she wouldn't eat at all. I was frazzled and called the doctor who informed me she is fine, when she's hungry she will eat .

Little by little, every so often my Madi was being put together lie a puzzle. She learned personal space, no hitting, safety. My house was covered in stop signs and picture boards for her. I added locks to the top of the door, because miss Madi was sneaky quiet.

Madi is a bright, smart, caring, outgoing, friendly 16 year old who is learning how to stand up for herself, and find her independence. She is always changing, evolving.

I learned patience, acceptance, finding the good in every situation, adapting, and most importantly: SLOW DOWN.

Thank you Madi Lula for being the best teacher, dance partner a mom could ask for.