Every Lesson I Wish My Parents Taught Me

We need to let go of the past if we’re going to enjoy life

My dad has always said that if he’d known about everything they had to go through in order to come to Canada (they had to deal with actual pirates), he never would’ve made the trip. If my parents never made the trip to Canada, I don’t know what my life would be like now or if I would even be here with this blessed life.

My mom hates talking about that time in her life and I know my dad relives that journey. And although they have a comfortable life now (I believe much better than if they were still in Vietnam), sometimes I wonder if they can ever move past that experience to appreciate the life they have now.

I used to relive my past all the time. Berating myself for something I should’ve said, could’ve done, being angry for decisions I made years ago.

Sometimes I still do.

But I’m trying to be more present and appreciate the life I have. To take in this second and everything I’m surrounded with.

We can never fully appreciate the present if we’re constantly angry at the past.

Other people’s opinions of us will never matter as much as our own

I have a confession — I care way too much about what others think of me. It’s a sickness I wish I could be rid of. There are a lot of things I just can’t bring myself to do or say because I put others, even complete strangers I will never cross paths with again, on a pedestal.

Honestly, I don’t know if this has been ingrained in me by society or my parents but I wish my parents taught me not to be so afraid of the thoughts of others; that they don’t matter as much as our own thoughts and ideas.

Nothing is a failure if we at least try

My mom is a fantastic cook.

I mean phenomenal.

The most inspirational part is she actually makes the recipes she finds on YouTube.

But the one thing she does every time, even if the dish turns out awesome, is she criticizes it. Even if it’s one tiny thing that nobody has noticed.

Maybe it’s not sweet enough or salty enough. Perhaps the presentation isn’t exactly what the final product should look like even though it’s pretty damn close (side note: Nailed It on Netflix is hilarious!)

If the dish is not exactly how it should be, she sees it as a failure and I wish she wouldn’t do that. I’ve noticed that I constantly do that — see myself or my creation as a failure if the finished product isn’t exactly how it should be.

Nothing is a failure if we try. Sometimes trying is the hardest part and if we can get through that initial obstacle of just starting then nothing we do after that should be seen as a failure.

Decisions shouldn’t be based on money alone

Coming to a new country with your entire wealth literally sewn into the hem of your pants can definitely take its mental toll on you and I can understand how money can form a huge part of your identity.

Now my parents have made a comfortable living for themselves but money is still a limiting factor for them. They’ve taught us to be careful with our money and I’m truly grateful for the lessons they’ve instilled in us but there are so many times in my life when I’ve made a decision based solely on money because I’ve been taught that money should be the deciding factor.

I’ll go for the bagel for lunch when I really want a burger and end up still being hungry.

I’ll put off on fixing something because I don’t want to spend the money (and then end up spending much more to fix it later…).

Sigh…

I’ve had countless conversations with my dad where the conversation ends up with him saying “And who’s going to pay for it?” or “Where will the money come from?”

I’m trying to unlearn these lessons or at least take them with a grain of salt because there are more important things than money and if I always put money first, I know I’ll miss out on some huge opportunities.

The only limits we have are the ones we put on ourselves

“Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.” — Henry Ford

My mom has been in the same job for the past 30 years because she doesn’t believe she can do anything else. My dad will be retiring soon and I’ve suggested my dad take classes after retirement but he’s too “old” or doesn’t think he can do it.

My parents have always encouraged us to learn more and do more because they believe that we can do anything.

I wish they took their own advice.

You can always start over

I used to believe that it was too late to start over regardless of where I was in life.

I’ve now learned that there is no shame in starting over and we actually never start over. We have experience and skills that we’ve garnered over the years which can be applied to whatever we dabble in next.

Yes, starting over is scary but what’s scarier is being stuck at the end believing there’s no way out.

Do things even though it’ll be hard

My husband and I brought our little guy to Europe with us. He was only 5 months old. It was our first time traveling as parents and we knew it’d be different. My parents were constantly telling us how hard it would be to travel with a baby.

I was looking forward to traveling with my son because it’d be a new experience plus we didn’t have much of a choice — we couldn’t very well leave a 5-month-old at home for a month while we traveled around Europe.

There will always be hard things in life and sometimes you have a choice to do them and sometimes you don’t. Regardless of whether we have the option to do them or not, I’ve learned that doing them will always be the better option.

Be willing to learn something new

Learning is hard.

It really is.

Much like starting over, there are some ideas that are seemingly too daunting to try our hand in.

If you’re willing to try something new, know this — you may suck at it…but you might still love it anyway.

There is never an end to learning new things unless we choose to put an end to it.

A practical life isn’t always the best life

I was always taught that I need a life of stability. Security is king.

And I chose that route.

I am a very practical person especially when it comes to money — spending money and earning money. And I chose one of the most practical careers out there. My sisters did the same.

Although there’s nothing wrong with being practical, I wish I learned early on that practicality should be served with a side of creativity and a think outside the box mentality.

Only in recent years have I decided to invest in my creative side. I’ve pushed aside my creativity and my drive to write for years, even decades.

My practicality has served me well in life. I have a good education, a stable job, and I can afford the comfort basics of life. But now, it’s time to explore my creativity because as much as being practical paid off, I’m learning that creativity can pay off too.

Takeaways

The influence of our parents is huge in our lives. Even if you rarely see them or have become estranged, there is still a strange attachment to everything you’ve ever learned from them.

I am very lucky to have my parents. My parents taught me well and instilled in us lessons that will carry us through the rest of our lives. They taught us lessons based on their experiences and what they thought was right. They only wanted the best for us.

There will always be more to learn as we grow into our own persons and there comes a time when we need to grow up and teach ourselves our own lessons in life.

This story was originally published on Medium