Even Kids Have Bad Days

My middle son is…a challenge. I thought I had this motherhood thing down to a science until he came along. Little E (as I call him) is an old soul that seems to see the world like an adult would. He is pretty cynical. I have no idea where he gets that from. It’s me, he gets it from me.

Because of his mentality towards the world, it is sometimes hard to remember that he is only 6 and still just a little kid. He might think like an adult but he doesn’t know how to regulate his feelings like one.

The other day he got in big trouble at school because he flipped off the bus driver in the morning. Now that behavior is not acceptable here at home, and I have no idea where he got that from.

Because he got in trouble, he was afraid all day of what his punishment at home would be. It threw off his whole day and he was a monster in class (according to his teacher).

He wouldn’t sit and do his work, he was disruptive to the whole class, and he ignored any requests from the teacher. It was just a bad day for him.

Now Little E can be the sweetest, most caring little guy you have ever met. He gives amazing hugs and loves babies and animals. He is his sister’s protector and her biggest fan. So I know he can be “good”.

He can also be a hurricane of emotions. If he isn’t happy, you better watch out. If he isn’t in a good mood, he makes sure nobody is in a good mood.

It has been this way since he was a baby. He slept maybe an hour at a time and was never happy. I could get some smiles out of him but he normally sat there with a serious look on his face. Either that or he was crying.

Every time I thought I had figured out what would make him happy, it stopped working. It’s still the same today. As my cousin said,

“He is very particular but the particulars change every day.”

That about sums up Little E for you.

I’m starting to realize that the child has anxiety. It makes sense since I suffer from it as well. This has made parenting him a bit easier since I realize his behavior isn’t from a defiance standpoint but more so him not being able to articulate his feelings.

I was so, so mad when I got the message from the teacher that he had flipped off the bus driver. Why is my kid the bad kid? What the heck is his problem? Why does he have to act out in class?

But then I talked to him. I tried to understand where this behavior was coming from. I don’t know why he flipped off the bus driver, he doesn’t really know either. Perhaps just a lapse in judgment. It happens.

The acting out in class was due to the fact that he was scared of his punishment. Not that I use physical punishment. My kids aren’t scared of me in that way. But I do take away privileges or increase their chore duties as punishment.

Maybe he was upset that I was going to be disappointed in him. He knew he did something wrong and perhaps he felt ashamed by it. And all of those feelings made it so he couldn’t do his work, making him feel worse.

I get it. We all have our bad days. And when you have anxiety, it’s hard to get past whatever is making that day bad.

Anxiety doesn’t care if something is logical or not. If your brain is telling you that something is wrong, something is wrong. Even if it is true or not.

When you are only 6 years old, it’s hard to understand what you are feeling. And it is even harder to tell people what is wrong. I get it. I am 37 and I still have trouble with this.

So, he has received his punishment of one week without electronics. He wasn’t happy about it but he does need to learn that his behavior isn’t OK.

I am working with the teacher on how to keep him on track at school. I had to do this last year as well. The kid doesn’t like authority but he’s going to have to learn to deal with it at some point. Might as well start in first grade.

I also realized that he isn’t the “bad kid”. He is a kid that had a bad day. He might have more bad days than his older brother but his older brother has always been a happy go lucky type of guy.

Little E is just wise beyond his years. His little brain just hasn’t developed enough to deal with the feelings he feels. We will work on it. I am here to help him navigate those feelings.

We all have our off days. Some days we are happy and other days we are in bad moods for no reason. Nobody is perfect.

Not even kids. Especially kids because they don’t know how to regulate their feelings well.

So instead of thinking of my kid as the “bad kid”, I am going to try to remember he is allowed to have a bad day.