Don't think about a pink elephant chp2

Before we start, something to think about:

If me is you

and you is me,

what happens if

we let the conflict be?

To not hurt each other

and to be as whole,

I promise,

the best thing is to go.

CHAPTER 2

>I'm fucking free now. I'm fucking free now.<

Felix was absolutely vibing. He put the laundry in and danced his way to the balcony.

He smiled.

>>What do I do now?<<

He looked around.

>>How long will this last?<<

Felix pulled out his phone and stared at his mom's contact.

>>Do I really want to do this?<<

He looked around the apartment again.

>>What other choice do I have?<<

He texted her.

>Hey, can I come by?<

Felix started scrolling through his phone.

About twenty minutes later, his phone buzzed.

>Yeah, sure. Come by at 11.<

>Okay.<

>>Soon I'll have another theater to deal with.<<

He finished his laundry and went back to scrolling until he noticed one small detail.

His bus left in fifteen minutes.

>>Oh my God. Why am I always doing this? Moron.<<

He needed a shower.

He activated his tornado mode and got ready.

He ran out as quickly as possible to catch the bus, but the bus had already passed him and was heading to the next stop.

He tried to run, but his cigarette addiction didn't help.

He didn't make it. The next bus wouldn't come for another half hour.

Later that day, he arrived, but sadly not on time.

>Where were you?<

>I didn't catch the bus.<

>You know my rules. Come here with clean socks.<

>They are clean. I washed them before I came here.<

>You see those dark spots? And oof, they're already smelling again. Take them off. I'll get you a new pair.<

Felix put the “unwashed” socks aside and got a fresh pair.

>You're off from the restaurant today?<

>>Now the fun starts...<<

>Basically... my boss asked me if I wanted to stay or leave... and I chose to leave.<

>What did you do?<

>Nothing. We just had some differences.<

>Why didn't you tell me?<

>I made a pros-and-cons list. It helped me decide.<

>What are you doing? You need to find a job first and then quit, not the other way around.<

>I know...<

>Then why didn't you do it?<

>I...<

>>Didn't want to be here.<<

>Look at you. Ever since you stopped living here, you've been spiraling.<

>Yeah, I know.<

>Look at yourself again. You look homeless.<

Felix turned around and walked into the other room.

His mother followed him through the apartment.

>Can you just leave me alone?<

>No. We're talking now.<

>We ARE talking.<

Felix kept walking.

>Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you.<

>I'm trying to go home.<

Felix kept walking until he reached the bedroom.

He turned around to leave again, but his mother stepped into the doorway.

Felix stopped.

>Move.<

>No. Not until we're done.<

Felix stared at her.

>Don't do this again.<

>Oh, don't start with that again. I could've gotten hurt!<

>You locked me in my room.<

>Because you didn't know how to behave! You were aggressive and everything.<

>I was looking for the apartment key because I wanted to go outside.<

>You weren't just looking for the key, Felix.<

>Yes, I was. I wanted to leave and you wouldn't let me.<

>Because you were aggressive!<

>You locked me in!<

>Because you needed to calm down.<

>I needed to grab the blankets and escape like a prisoner!<

>FROM THE SECOND FLOOR! You see how insane you were?!<

>WELL, YOU LOCKED THE FUCKING DOOR!<

Felix looked at the bed.

Then at his mother standing in the doorway.

Then back at the blankets.

>>This will get me out of this room.<<

He grabbed them.

His mother immediately ran toward him.

>FELIX!<

Felix dropped the blankets and ran past her through the open doorway.

His mother followed him.

>Can you just leave me alone for five minutes?<

>No.<

His mother stood there with both hands on her hips.

>At least apologize.<

Felix crossed his arms.

>For what?<

>Apologize for the person you turned me into today. At least ONCE.<

>For what? You always yell at me when I come here. Why should I apologize to YOU?<

>Oh, so that's how it is? You like seeing me like this?<

>I didn't even say that.<

>No, you didn't. But you led me down this path again.<

>Why do you always yell at me?<

>Because you never do your things! You always make me do your things for you, and it stresses me out like crazy.<

>Then DON'T do them.<

Felix walked away.

>Where are you going?<

>To the toilet.<

>Felix—<

He opened the bathroom door and quickly slipped inside.

His mother immediately grabbed the handle.

Felix pulled from the other side.

>Don't start with this bullshit again!<

>I'm going to the toilet!<

>No, you're not!<

She pulled.

Felix pulled back.

>LET GO!<

>THEN LEAVE ME ALONE!<

Felix finally managed to pull the door shut and lock it.

His mother tried the handle again.

>Felix!<

He sat down on the closed toilet lid.

>>My mother is a cunt.<<

His mother continued from the other side of the door.

>I've been repeating myself like a parrot for God knows how long!<

Felix rolled his eyes.

>I've been telling you what you need to do for years, and you still don't listen! Do you have any idea how frustrating that is?<

Felix took a deep breath.

>Okay. I'm coming out.<

He unlocked the door and stepped outside.

He looked at his mother.

>Now it's my turn.<

>Mom, please stop helping me. I know you mean well, but I need to learn how to solve my own problems.<

His mother looked at him.

>And what am I supposed to do? Just watch you fail?<

>Sometimes... yeah.<

>No. I won't.<

>Why?<

>Because I don't like seeing you like this.<

They looked at each other for a moment. Neither of them seemed to know what to say anymore.

His mother took a deep breath.

>Please, just go now.<

Felix didn't say anything.

He took his “unwashed” socks, put them back on and left.

Outside, he sat down on the steps in front of the apartment block and lit a cigarette.

He sat there for a while, smoking.

>>Hmm... I still need a job.<<

He finished his cigarette, pulled out his phone and called Daniel.

>You at home?<

>Yeah, I am.<

>Can I come by to do some job searching? Can you help me with that?<

>Yeah, no problem. Just come by.<

>Okay, I'll be there in thirty minutes.<

He ended the call.

At Daniel's place:

>Okay, if I got that correctly, you quit?<

>Yeah, exactly.<

>So, how did it go?<

>It went pretty well. My boss was disappointed, but not too much.<

>Okay. Do you have your applications, CV and all that stuff with you?<

Felix looked at him.

>How's an application built?<

Daniel looked him dead in the eyes.

>Good. Here we go.<

Felix looked at him.

>Can I get a beer first?<

He grabbed a beer for both of them, and Felix started searching for jobs while Daniel watched TV.

>If you have any trouble, just tell me.<

Felix opened another listing.

>Hey, what do you think about this one?<

Daniel looked over at the screen.

>Where is it?<

Felix showed him.

>Nah. Don't go there.<

>Why?<

>Without a car, getting there every day would be a pain in the ass.<

Felix looked at the location again.

>Oh. Yeah.<

He closed it and continued searching.

Two hours passed. Felix's eyes were starting to fall out from all the different websites and endless chains of links.

His mom called him.

Some music his mom was listening to played in the background.

>>That rhythm... sounds familiar.<<

>Can you come by later?<

>Nah, sorry. I'm looking for a job right now at a friend's place.<

>Yeah? And how many have you already sent?<

>I got... two jobs I found.<

>And did you apply for them?<

>No.<

>You know, Felix, we both know this way isn't working. Just come by so we can do it together.<

>No, not today. I'll visit you the day after tomorrow.<

>Okay... just come early, okay?<

>Okay.<

Felix ended the call.

Felix looked at his phone for a moment.

>>She means well...<<

He put his phone down.

>>...but can't she just stop?<<

>Daniel?<

>Yeah?<

>Do you think two jobs in two hours is a lot?<

Daniel looked over.

>Nah, that's not much. Go to the application center's site. They've got a bunch.<

Felix opened the site and looked through it.

>Damn, yeah. You're totally right.<

He continued searching for a while.

But the rhythm kept going through his head.

>>Ada-didadi... upadi...<<

>>I know this from somewhere... but where?<<

Felix was getting annoyed by the rhythm messing with his head.

He tried to distract himself.

After a while, he looked over at Daniel.

>So... how was your day?<

>Not much. I worked on my PC, then took a shower, went shopping and did some stuff around the house. What about you?<

>I was at my mom's place earlier, before I called you, and yeah, that's about it.<

>Nice. And how is she doing?<

>She's doing really good. She's feeling great.<

>>Ada-didadi... upadi?<<

Felix paused for a second.

He grabbed another beer. On his way, he finally solved the riddle.

>>Ada-didadi... upadi.<<

He kept repeating it in his head.

>>Ada-didadi upadi... Ada-didadi upadi...?<<

He finally remembered...

...he was little and dancing with his mom in front of the old computer. Next to it was a black, white and red CD cover with a rabbit and a pale-looking boy on it.

It kept repeating.

>>Ada-didadi upadi... Ada-didadi upadi...<<

Felix suddenly noticed he was still standing there.

>>Why did I stop? I just wanted a beer.<<

>>Ah. I need more alcohol.<<

Felix grabbed another beer and sat back down.

>Hey, I think I'm done with the job search for today. Anyway, what are you watching?<

Daniel kept looking at the TV.

>Just some garbage where this woman is suing another woman because she brought home some poisonous plant and her dog choked on it.<

Felix looked at the TV.

>Perfect opportunity.<

So they watched.

After a while, the verdict came in.

Neither of them won the lawsuit because apparently the plant was considered a living organism of its own.

Felix rested his arm on top of his head.

He looked at Daniel.

Daniel looked back at him.

They both grinned.

>Where the fuck did you find this channel?<

>BND.<

>What's BND?<

>Brand New Lawsuits.<

Felix pulled out his phone and wrote it down.

BND — Brand New Lawsuits.

Felix and Daniel looked at each other again.

They both grinned.

Daniel leaned forward.

Felix's grin disappeared.

>No.<

Daniel burst out laughing and threw himself at him.

They started wrestling on the sofa.

Daniel won.

They had two more beers before Felix eventually left.

He walked to the bus stop happily.

Felix got home and stepped inside.

He looked down at the floor.

The flies were still there.

He kept his shoes on.

>>In ten minutes, I'll do it.<<

He dropped his keys somewhere near the entrance and walked straight to the sofa.

He fell asleep.

On the following day, he was still lying there in his shoes.

Eventually, he took them off on the couch.

There were flies stuck to them. Some were scattered across the couch.

Felix stared at them for a while.

Looking at them was starting to physically hurt.

He got the vacuum.

He vacuumed them up.

That was the main event of the day.

The day after that, as promised, Felix came by to his mom's place—one hour late.

This time, Felix was wearing sandals.

No socks.

He rang the doorbell and walked upstairs.

>Hey, how are you?<

His mother looked at him.

>Where were you? And put some socks on.<

>I woke up late.<

His mother gave him a side-eye.

>What? I came by.<

>Okay. You know what to do. Sit on the couch and start looking for jobs.<

Felix sat down.

His mother walked toward the kitchen.

>I'm making risotto. I'll be right back.<

After a while, Felix needed a break.

He put in his earphones and listened to his favorite genre...

Mexican brass music.

>>Didididi... dididi... dididididi... dididididi...<<

His mother came back into the room, holding her phone. She was on a video call with Grandma.

Felix took out his earphones.

>>Since when do they call each other?<<

>So, Felix, how are you doing?<

>Very good, thanks for asking. Not much happened lately.<

>Felix, enough happens with you already.<

His mother looked at him.

>Felix, you forgot to tell her what happened with your job.<

>>...Thanks, Mom.<<

>Well... my boss asked me if I wanted to stay or leave... so I left.<

There was a pause.

>You WHAT?<

>Why would you do that?!<

>It wasn't fun anymore.<

>FELIX! IT'S NOT ABOUT FUN! IT'S ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!<

Felix pulled the phone slightly away from his ear.

>And you're still smoking, aren't you?<

>I'm working on it, Grandma.<

>Give me your mother.<

His mother took the phone.

>...I raised him because you couldn't. You should've left him here. Maybe then he would've become something.<

His mother was quiet for a moment.

>Yeah... I know what you mean. Maybe I really should've used some of your principles.<

Felix flinched.

>>Don't think about a pink elephant in a fridge.<<

>You know I'm wor—<

Felix put his earphones back in.

>>Didididi... dididi... dididididi...<<

Twenty minutes later, his mom came back with the risotto.

>So, how many jobs did you find?<

>I saved two.<

His mother looked at him.

>Only two? Do I really need to sit beside you like you're a little child?<

Felix side-eyed her.

They ate the risotto.

Afterwards, Felix went out onto the balcony and lit a cigarette.

His mom followed him outside.

>So, what kind of job do you actually want?<

Felix took a drag.

>I'd like to keep working behind a bar. Just somewhere with more cocktails and more direct contact with customers.<

>And you think you can find something like that on your own?<

>Hopefully. If not, I'll just go back to my friend and ask him for help.<

>Felix, do you ever learn? You've done that so many times, and somehow it always turns into some kind of nonsense.<

Felix thought about it.

>Yeah... that's true.<

>Just let me help you with this.<

Felix took another drag from his cigarette.

>Yeah. I understand what you mean.<

>Save around twenty jobs, and once you've got them, we can go through them together, okay?<

Felix nodded.

>Okay. Thanks.<

They hugged.

Felix left.

Felix went home, drank a lot and started looking for jobs again.

He went back to the application center's website Daniel had shown him.

He remembered most of the listings from Daniel's place.

Felix kept looking for a while.

>>Hey... what's Lukas up to?<<

Felix messaged him.

>Hey, what are you up to?<

>At work. Wednesday I'm at karaoke. You in?<

Felix stared at the message, weighing the pros and cons of going to karaoke.

>Is anyone else coming?<

>Nah, just me.<

>>Better than sitting in the apartment.<<

>Definitely. I'm in.<

Considering how Felix's days usually went, we're skipping ahead to karaoke night.

Felix was dressed a little more country than usual that evening.

Cargo shorts and a sleeveless shirt.

He walked into the bar.

>Howdy.<

Lukas stared at him.

Felix stared back.

>>We're just like two sheriffs. One of us has to leave.<<

Felix lowered his head, pulled out two imaginary guns and aimed them at Lukas.

>Pam. Pam. Pam.<

Lukas acted like he'd been shot.

>Oof... oof... oof...<

Some people at the karaoke watched them. They didn't know what to think.

Lukas was lying on the dirty floor. Felix approached him in slow motion.

>You got any songs in the queue?<

>Got two songs in, but the queue is extremely long.<

Felix walked over to the tablet and put Slim Shady and Get Ur Freak On in the queue.

Felix went back to Lukas, who was standing again.

>So what do we do now?<

>We enjoy the music.<

Felix's ears started to feel like they were bleeding. He was sure he'd heard these songs more than a hundred times before.

Felix just stood there, waiting. He wasn't talking to Lukas.

>>Was this really worth it?<<

A birthday group came in, armed with little party horns.

They were loud. Annoying.

Felix wanted to grab those little snails and watch them burn.

Then Lukas's first song came on. Mamma Mia.

Felix ran out of the building.

>>First the snails, now ABBA? Again?<<

He checked his phone.

There was a message from his mom.

>Hey, I found you a job. They want you to come by on Friday.<

Felix replied:

>Thank you very much.<

Felix waited outside. A little while later, Lukas came out.

>Guess what happened?<

>You needed to puke?<

Felix laughed.

>No, I found a job.<

>>Okay... maybe not entirely, but...<<

>What kind of job?<

Felix pulled out his phone to check.

>At an upscale bar.<

>What happened to your old one?<

>I made a pros-and-cons list and quit.<

Lukas stared at him. His eyebrows slowly rose.

There was a short pause.

Lukas glanced at the screen.

>Oh. My second song's on.<

He walked off.

Felix looked to see what Lukas was singing.

Of course, another ABBA song appeared.

Felix left the room again.

The guy who always wanted Felix to sing Freestyler was there again.

Felix ignored him and left the area completely.

Felix regretted coming to karaoke again, embracing the quiet outside.

He waited for a while before realizing his song was probably coming up soon.

He went back inside.

There were only two songs left before his.

Suddenly, someone asked:

>Where were you?<

Felix turned around.

It was Lukas.

>I just needed a break.<

>Alright.<

Two songs later, it was Felix's turn.

He had to overpower the little snail trumpets.

He screamed.

He rapped.

His body was pulsing, screaming for air.

The whole room applauded.

His second song did well too.

Just not quite as well.