Doing it All: Mother, Wife, Writer, Student et al…

Life Doesn't End at Motherhood!

If you feel like you are overwhelmed, don't worry; you are not alone! I remember having two under twos at once! I think I spent 75 per cent of my time changing nappies (Diapers) or clothes. Let's not forget the constant tidying, the walks, food prep and especially snuggle time!

The best advice.

My mother gave me the best advice of anyone out of the millions of unsolicited amounts of advice that I was given. And there is a lot of it! You would be amazed how many people are suddenly experts when it comes to parenting!

However, my mother, the woman that could sense dust a hundred feet away and would make us strip down to our underwear to enter the house, gave me this gem of knowledge. You rest when the baby sleeps.

She told me to ignore the laundry, dishes, messy table and toys on the floor. That when that baby went to sleep, I had a nap as well. You could have knocked me over with a feather! Mom was the woman who woke up in the morning and grabbed her pledge and dusted the coffee table while she had her cup of coffee!

If my mother said this, it must be true! So, I took that advice. When the baby slept, I slept! It made a world of difference!

Take Your Time

Life is precious, and you don't have to rush into doing everything at once. It's ok to have to put things on hold for a little bit. Having children does not mean that life derailed from what you planned. It means that you've taken another path to your destination. I learned so much on my new path!

When I was younger, I wanted to be a teacher. Then life happened, and I got married and had kids. I was twenty-six when I had my first and twenty-seven when I had my second. It wasn't easy, especially once we learned my secondborn had Autism. We knew there was something wrong, but it wasn't until he was three that he was diagnosed.

At the end of the day, I was relieved. It threw the professionals off. I mean, they were expecting tears and denials. Instead, here I was saying, 'Whew, I'm so glad! That means I'm not a failure as a parent. we can work with this!'

That began my journey into Additional Needs Education.

Photo by Element5 Digital on Unsplash

Being the mum of a special needs kid is an eye-opener. But, I come from good ole fashioned red neck stock. Well, that and the women in my family are as stubborn as mules, and we would rather die than give up.

Instead of wallowing in self-pity, I began to learn. And I mean, I researched everything I could. I joined ASD sites, talked to other parents, and was soon on a first-name basis with every specialist and member of staff associated with my son!

Soon, I was going for training and working with the school. I was willing to do anything and everything I could to help my son develop into the beautiful human being I knew he could be. But, unfortunately, he chose not to speak at the age of five, couldn't use a knife or fork properly, and had just become potty trained.

A year later? He was going to social groups! I mean, I volunteered as a helper for everything. It's incredible how fast doors open to your child when you say that you will volunteer as tribute! lol

The Depth of Loss

Tragedy sadly hits us all, but we can't lay down and die with the one we've lost, even though that's how I felt in February 2007. My son was born asleep. I was thirty years old; he was a rainbow baby and was my last child.

Photo by Stormseeker on Unsplash

I wanted to crawl into that hole and let them bury me with him.

However, I had two beautiful little boys that needed me more. However, my pure determination and grit would not get me through it this time. Six months later and I was suffering from crippling depression. I thought I had a heart attack due to the chest pain I was experiencing. But, it turns out it was stress!

The doctor put me on medication, and life slowly started to normalise.

It was five years later when my entire world turned upside down, in a good way!

Everything Changes!

This little booger came into our lives! At the age of thirty-five, I gave birth to my last child and only girl! What a surprise! Not only that, we had just moved five hundred miles from the north of Scotland to the north of England!

Hubby had a new job, the boys had a new school, and we all had a new baby!

You would think I had more than enough on my plate, right? Don't be silly; I'm greedy! Once the hubby was off to work and kids were at school, it was just me, the baby and the cat. I was bored. By this time, I was old hat at being a mom. I had this baby thing. (Well, I thought I did at the time. That's a whole other article!)

Anyway, I began to write, and this is how it all began. I had made a friend of one of my favourite authors on FB. (I stalked her a little and eventually started talking to her. We ended up good friends). She had posted a quote that knocked my world off its axis and changed the course of my journey forever!

There was a book I wanted to read that hadn't been written!

I began to write. Hubby shook his head, thinking that I would get bored and give it up. Or wouldn't have time to finish it. Let's face it; I had no idea what I was doing! But I had determination and online friends who did!

That's how Dia came to life. I wrote Dianthe Rising while the baby slept or the kids were at school. It was my first book, and I was so proud of it. Looking back now, I'm a little horrified by all the mistakes I made. But, it was only the beginning of my journey. The writing bug had bitten me hard!

Realising Another Dream

Then four years ago, I decided to take the plunge and go back to school. I had always regretted not finishing my degree, so I joined 'The Open University.

Open University 2020

I am now getting ready to enter my fourth year of University, working on a degree in Creative Writing and Classical Studies. It has been a fantastic journey, and I have made some wonderful friends and met some amazing people along the way! I can't tell you how much it has helped in my writing adventures. To begin, I have learnt how to write academically. That is a significant bonus in life. My dream is to keep going until I have my Doctorate and then lecture once the Husband retires. (He can then take over care duties for my autistic son.)

But wait, that's not all!

Did I mention we have horses?

Warren AKA Noble Warrior

This is Warren, my eight-year-old ex-racer. At the moment, we are re-training him to be a ridden horse. It has its ups and downs. Right now, we are on the down. The physio is seeing him for a sore back! (Another article in the making!)

Along with him, we have a black labrador called Belle, a cow cat named Nicki and several fish in the pond.

I am as flaky as they come!

As the bold print says, I'm a loose screw at the best of times. I don't know which direction I'm going at any given time, and if I make it through the day with all the kids and animals fed, watered and alive, I count it as a win!

If I can keep my family alive, train horses, go back to University and continue to write, imagine what you can do! Never give up, and always continue fighting for your dream. You can accomplish it, and you will. Just dig deep for that grit and determination, and remember there are always days where you want to say, F it all. But then there are also beautiful days when you do something where you shock yourself!

You have this!