Discovering the Obvious

Today, I forced my children to do chores. I didn’t have to threaten them, but they did need a little extra motivation from my husband (just a “do what your mom told you to,” nothing more, nothing less).

Let me preface with this: today is Monday. Monday is the virtual learning day that does not include Zoom for my biological children. It does, however include office hours, meetings and planning time for me. On Mondays, I try to take the children out of the house for a fun activity during lunch time. I tried to sneak them to the local trampoline park to sign them up for a special membership that is less monthly than it was (pre-CoVID) hourly. I flippantly told my husband that we were going out, and when he asked where – I considered lying. I told him the truth, he said he wasn’t comfortable. Maybe I should have checked with my husband before getting my children ready and excited to go jump. The children’s disappointment was palpable.

I tried to recover. I decided to take them to a local park. The kids played and enjoyed themselves. However, my youngest daughter – in her fierce attempt to tackle the monkey bars (at my prompting) – fell and hurt her arm. She started to cry. I checked her out, and needless to say – playtime was over. My oldest then proceeded to tell me that this was “the worst day ever” because she didn’t get to jump on the trampoline, her best friend is in Egypt, her little brother was annoying her, and now her little sister was crying. I tried to be understanding (because that’s the kind of mom I am) and explained that this situation is hard for everyone, but that I was trying my best to provide them with a semblance of normalcy and fun. It didn’t help that we went for ice cream and the parlor, though boasting a bright “OPEN” neon sign, was closed. We went into a restaurant and I bought a blondie with ice cream. We all agreed it was delicious and headed towards the house. My oldest was still unhappy.

At home, I completed my office hours while my twins played and my oldest negotiated additional screen time from my husband. Then I decided that they needed to go through their drawers and remove all of their summer clothing (since it was getting cold). Once they had finished, we gave them a small break. My oldest and my son were playing on the trampoline. My youngest (the injured one) just swung on the hammock. The notable part of this interaction is that everyone was getting along. They were happy. Actually happy!

As I put my children to bed, my oldest said “I actually like school days (Tuesday -Friday), because I can actually talk to my friends or use screens afterschool for 2 hours.”

What conclusions can I draw from my experience today? I came up with common sense answers, that seem counterintuitive. My children like doing chores, even though they don’t want to do them in the beginning. They were more satisfied with the mundane break in the backyard then the outing this morning. Another ah-ha moment for me is that delayed gratification is good. I know we all know this, but in day to day life for me this fact can get lost.

I needed my children to show me the obvious. Our daily life is sufficient. Participation in family centered activities grows self-confidence. Happiness does not come from screens or getting what we want when we want it. This year, 2021, is still an exercise in patience. We might be better off for it.