Depression, Loss, Endless Pain

We can all understand that "life is honey". No one seems to have described "life as pain" in this way. However, I described it, because I really feel the pain, and very painful.

In my ideology, it's okay to be poor, because we have all the strength, money can be earned slowly. However, the family can not be broken, broken, equal to a person has no home. People do not have a home, how bitter in the heart, how bleak.

I never thought that I would face a broken home. From marriage to now, 20 years of hard work to pay, home is no longer. Watching him leave me day by day, and decisively, further and further away. I am very painful, in order to have a home, I am low to the dust, like a beggar like dignity do not want, begging for my love. In order to have a complete home, I am more like a madman begging all the way from summer to autumn, and then to winter, however, the winter is almost over, I did not beg back.

Maybe this is fate, he can only accompany me on such a journey.

Just now at my sister's, she sighed for me, why can't I go on, why live like this? How many people are more capable than him and are not divorced, how many people are not as good as you, and they are all living well and not talking about divorce. He wants a divorce, thinking of my future days alone, her eyes moistened.

I said, "You just thought today, the seriousness of the matter, I have long been sad, wandering, desperately trying to retain, retain, see him in away from me more and more, can only look at him far away, but there is nothing to do, can not be undone. I was wrapped in sorrow every day." Looking at my sister, I smiled bitterly: "Fortunately, it is considered to have carried over."

My sister said blankly, "I thought he would come back after a while, I thought he would not come to this. I can't ask anyone to do it, 20 years of relationship, live together, and still good, how to say leave? I can't do it." My sister shook her head and felt sad for me.

"The days passed into pain" what kind of pain to think of this phrase "the days passed into pain" I lost looking at the people who came and went on the street, they were in pairs, and I? I can't even understand myself, I can't believe that my husband ran away after living the day. Look at the world, the world seems to have lost its color, the sky is cold, my heart is colder than the sky. The pain seemed to have a life, and there was no interruption.

In the days he left, I thought of him every second, read him, he just did not come back. The hardest part was starting every evening, when other people's husbands went to work or had things to do outside, and they all went home. My husband, however, avoided me day after day. I have long been used to having him in my life, eating and sleeping with him, in every aspect of my life, and suddenly he wants to disappear from my world, and I have to eat alone, sleep alone in bed, face the empty house alone, and live alone, how sad it is, I really can't accept it. For days, I didn't get a good night's sleep, my head fell on the pillow and I thought over and over about him, everything about him.

Married for what? How many years of hard work, how many years of dedication and for what? The first thing you need to do is to get rid of him and leave me, so that you can spend the rest of your life alone? A lifetime of hard work and suffering to the end of the home are no longer. What is the purpose of marriage? I can't find the answer myself, because I have no more answers.

These months, the most thought is my marriage, but I do not know what to say, is it fate? Is this my life? Old old old, home is no more, husband no more -------

This desolation makes my body tremble. At this moment I thought of Shi Tiesheng, in the best years of his life legs suddenly paraplegic, how he could not accept, he hid every day in the Temple of Earth, blaming fate, escape from reality, I suddenly felt his pain in that period of suffering days, perhaps, people can not escape the fate of the arrangement.

I read the article "I and the Temple of the Earth" by Shi Tiesheng many times. At that time, I only thought of his misfortune in life, how bitter his mother's heart was, admired his ability to stand up from the valley of life and find the best way out of life, and more than that, I admired his talent and envied his ability to write so well. And at this moment, I don't think about it, I think about his depression in those days, lost. Now I seem to feel his pain, the loss, the desolation, because his sky collapsed, because he could never return to the old days of living, singing and dancing. All the good things no longer belong to him, this pain is words can not describe. Although he climbed out of the trough of his life, but at the beginning of that time, how difficult to suffer, want to die.

Stetson lost his legs, I lost my husband, the same sky collapsed, the rest of my life was lost, nowhere to arrange. Now I have fallen to the bottom of my life, if I can not climb out, the rest of my life will be lonely. My life has become painful, and I don't know when it will change, or when my spring will come.

He left me behind, I did not know that my fate would be such ------ depression, loss, and endless pain.