Decisions, decisions...

So, I'm sure it was pretty much the same for every other parent when Covid came to play last spring... Schools closed, day care centers closed, and if you're an essential employee like myself, work was still open... What do you do?

Simplest answer is whatever you can, right? My April started off with one my co-workers retiring, leaving two of us in the office instead of three. I was suddenly responsible for homeschooling my 1st grade daughter, who up until this point had barely had any homework. Both of my parents are essential workers, my brother helped as much as he could and her father (my ex husband) means well, but has a hard time managing his own life, to say the least.

I kind of, sort of made it work for the first couple weeks, losing time at work, trying to stick to a crazy schedule of who could watch her when. I was bringing her into work in the mornings. The afternoons were a variety of different people watching her, between, my mother, brother and her father. None of these people were super helpful when it came to the school work. Not their fault and not their responsibility, but nonetheless, one more thing I had to do myself.

Just incase you were wondering, my essential employee job is at a junk yard. I sell used drivetrain parts to mechanic shops and the general public. I also do inventory and whatever other paperwork needs to be done. My day is reasonably busy between phone calls and data entry. I work 9 hour days, 5 days a week and half a day on Saturdays.

Let me also say, that I love my job. I thrive in my career. I'm knowledgeable and mechanically inclined. This is the business I was meant to be in and it runs in my blood. My dad is a mechanic, my grandfather was a mechanic and my ex-husband is also a mechanic. Picture "My Cousin Vinny", Marisa Tomei, now minus wardrobe and New York Italian accent. That whole explanation of what positraction means in the courtroom, I have that conversation on a daily basis at my job.

I also have a lot of flexibility at work. I am truly blessed with that. One of my co-workers retiring actually opened up a desk area right next to mine where I've been somewhat managing to do my daughters school work with her. Can I just ask, does anyone else think this whole Zoom meeting with 25 first graders is a terrible idea? I get that there aren't many working options but this one is a mess. Getting her to pay attention, let alone participate, with a teacher who is not technologically equipped to handle that many kids online. Don't get me wrong, it's not her fault. This was not in her job description and she's doing the best she can. The problem is that my daughter is not really getting an education. Aside from the worksheets I'm doing with her, she isn't absorbing anything and I'm watching her fall behind right in front of my eyes.

On top of my 50 hour work week and the homeschooling, I also live with my grandmother, 93 years old, who is starting to require more care. Currently, we have 3 older ladies that come in at different points during the day to make her breakfast, lunch and dinner. They get her up out of the recliner every morning and evening so she gets at least some exercise and company during the day. I wish I could afford to be home more.

What is going to happen when she does need more care? What will I be able to contribute? How long does she have? Will she have to go to a home? She's 93 so realistically it could be any time now. There's nothing actually wrong with her, but people still die of old age right?

Crap Covid is happening! This virus mainly effects the elderly! I'm on a higher risk level of contracting it because I'm an essential employee and still have to interact with the general public on a daily basis. They put plexiglass up in front of my desk so no one can get too close so that's good. What if i bring this home to my grandmother? I'm not high risk of having complications, so what if I'm completely symptom free and pass it on to her? I don't want her suffering! This whole Covid thing is really stressing me out now, but at least I live upstairs and she's downstairs so I'll just try to keep my distance for now...

One blessing from this whole Covid shut down so far, is that I'm saving $150 a week in daycare costs alone. I'm losing time at work, but one hand washes the other. At least I'm not falling behind on my bills right? That is super important, I can't do that....

Wait, what do I do about the child support now? Do we refile? reevaluate? Is it really fair that the only reason I'm saving on daycare is because I'm missing time at work and having to bring her into work? Should I even start this conversation with my ex husband? Or should I just wait and see if he says anything? I'm literally taking on all of her school work and daycare needs and figuring everything out on my own... Don't I deserve the same financial relief for doing it myself rather than pay someone else to do it?

I have so many questions running through my head... I have to figure out how to make this work!

Day by day, we take things one step at a time. At this point it's the end of April and I'm struggling.... My daughter is not getting the education she needs and deserves and I just have to make this work until the end of the school year! Every zoom meeting we have, she is falling asleep or refusing to participate and I just can't make her do something while I'm trying to work!

Her dad is not much help right now. He can't even do the homework with her that I've been asking him to do for over a month! Every time I try to talk to him about it, he gets defensive, babbling on about how his life is busy too. He's not working for Christ's sake! Why oh why am I taking all this on by myself?

Got a phone call the last week of April, her father's on again, off again girlfriend tested positive for Covid. Great! She works in a nursing home and as we all know this virus loves makin it's way around nursing homes! She is having symptoms but nothing severe. This basically means that for the next two weeks, everything, absolutely everything with our daughter will fall on me. At this point, what the hell is the difference right? I'm basically doing it on my own anyway...

One more month of this crazy school crap. That's it, right? It can't possibly go on longer than that...