Death by chocolate

Birthdays are a funny thing. As I sip champagne on my 40th sharing around the expensive, organic, vegan, raw, salted-caramel cakes, my mind drifts back to fond memories of my childhood birthdays with my mum. In particular, one occasion with the milkman….

It’s 1985 in England where most things in the house are orange and brown including the sofa, my slippers, the autumn weather with leaves mulched on the ground and even our two cats, a tabby named Fluffball and a ginger tom aptly named Cuddles. There were always either musicals playing in the background such as My Fair Lady or the King and I or, much to the infliction forced upon me, my Mum’s heart throb Barry Manilow.

"It’s your birthday soon Amanda" My mum says to the 5 year old me.

“What cake would you like this year?"

My heart lights up, "Chocolate please mum!" I eagerly reply.

Mum’s eyes twinkle with a secret magic of surprise “I know just the thing for this year!”

I jump up and down with excitement and beg her to tell me now, now, NOW!

She rummages forever in her handbag before producing a glossy magazine with different photos on it. In these times milk is still delivered to our front door in glass bottles with foil tops as lids to peel off and pour. Red and silver is for full fat cream whilst blue and silver is for semi skimmed. Orange juice is available and my all-time favourite: chocolate milkshake.

But this was showing something new today, something more, wait, mum was reading it out loud:

“Death By chocolate, try this new cake if you dare!”

My young eyes enlarge and with a silent gasp my gaze becomes fixated on this glorious delight. A chocolate dream come true made of heavenly layers of cream and fluffy clouds of mousse. This cake was like non other I had seen, direct from the pantry of a princess, fit for the birthday banquet in my castle. My mind danced of Kings and queens, unicorns and fairies as they celebrated Princess Amanda’s royal birthday with the Cake of all cakes! This would be the best birthday of them all!!!!

I was abruptly brought back to the reality of the 80’s by mum’s voice “I’ll order it then!” she exclaimed.

I went to sleep that night with musical chocolate swirls singing songs of knights and elves. A huge hall with a table as long as a whale filled with all my favourite foods; sausage rolls and cheese sticks, pink jelly with rainbow sprinkles. King Gnome arrives dressed in purple and gold robes whilst riding a white unicorn. He slides off the magical animal and Behold! He presents the huge, most magnificent, humungous, ginormous, most special cake, a tower of chocolate sweet goodness twenty times the size of my head!

My two knighted cats Fluffball and Cuddles sit either side of me with bibs around their necks licking their pink lips.

“Now, now Sir cats wait your turn!” I command

“This cake was made for me, me, ME!” as I open my mouth wide, lean forward aaaaaaaannnnddddd mmmmmmm it tastes so good!

I hoped that dream would never end.

* * * * * *

As soon as daylight breaks I rush downstairs to our front room to see if it has arrived. I jump up onto our velvety brown sofa and pull aside the net curtain in anticipation of seeing King Gnome ride down our hill on his beautiful white creature. Nothing yet. Where was he? Where was my cake?!

I look left, then right, nothing in sight and no sound except some far away birds.

As the day progresses, it is clear to me and the cats that King Gnome was too busy travelling distant lands and was surely on his way.

The second day holds more promise so I take my stance at the window. A scooter rides past here, a car there but no unicorn in sight. King Gnome must surely be fighting off dangerous dragons in order to bring my most treasured cake.

Day three and I've brought my pillow and blanket to camp out in earnest.

Still nothing.

Poor king gnome, it must treacherous out there climbing snowy, wind stricken mountains.

Day four, we’re running out of time but our King must be rescuing some poor soul on his way.

Day five, our last chance before the big feast, perhaps he is lost or Unicorn is injured?

The sixth and final day arrives: my birthday. I go the window but still not a peep. There is still time and the day must continue for my loyal subjects.

Unwrapping presents are fun but an emptiness lingers inside whenever I think of our banquet to come. King Gnome would surely use his magic to be here just in the right moment but the afternoon comes too quickly;

“Amanda, your guests are coming for your party come downstairs please” My Mum calls up to me as one by one my friends arrive at our house. We play musical chairs and ‘pass the parcel’ but my mind is occupied by one thought alone: the hope I cling onto that there is still time for the King to arrive as the banquet hasn’t commenced.

But as the Sausage rolls come out with more and more party food and hats, my sadness grows like unwanted ivy covering my heart thickly, casting shadows where sunlight used to shine. Any minute now King Gnome would make his entrance, surely, on my special day…..

I eat slower than normal in attempt to give us extra time but none of my friends seem to understand.

Our paper plates are collected by the grown ups and still no sign of Unicorn and our King.

“I’m so sorry darling” my mum announces, “this will have to do” as she produces a tiny strawberry cupcake holding one single, lonely candle.

The ivy starts to wither as my heart freezes over then cracks like ice breaking on a lake from a footstep too heavy for it. It then shatters into pieces before falling into the cold depths of an abyss: but I didn’t cry.

The entire kingdom was watching. And I as Princess had a duty to pretend happiness.

But, as my mum and friends sang happy birthday to me, I saw the elves and fairies disappear. My knighted cats’ armor faded, there were no fanfares or fun and all the dancing of my rainbow land ceased.

I had stopped believing.

King gnome wasn’t real. None of it was real. I was growing up, and this was my harsh and brutal new truth.

I tried to smile for my mum so she wouldn’t feel bad whilst all of my hope diminished and my dreams of a special birthday chocolate heaven washed up on a beach devoid of life.

My friends returned home as my mum began cleaning the house. I sullenly went to my room and looked dismissively at my books. I didn’t feel like doing anything anymore.

The darkness of early evening approached as I heard my mum on the phone say “What do you mean you lost my order?! It’s meant to be here TODAY!”

Grey clouds seemed to fill the house now and it was bath time as usual with my night-time routine; life was as if I had never had a birthday this year. I secretly hoped that when I went to sleep that night I wouldn’t dream, for what was the point of it all?

As I started to drag my sorry self up the staircase I heard my mum say from another room “This is ridiculous I’m going to have to put her to bed soon!”

Who was she talking to?!

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

My feet paused on the stairway.

Could it be?

Had King Gnome made it after-all?

“Thank you so much!” I heard my mum say at the door as footsteps clipped clopped away onto the night pavement.

I run back downstairs to see “mummy, mummy who is it?” I ask just as she turns around holding a large white box. She’s grinning a huge smile on her face.

“Wait a moment whilst I get the candles” she calmly says whilst I process the word ‘candles’…. Candles…. CANDLES!!!!!! Is it? Could it be?

King Gnome is ALIVE!

I rush to the window but see only car lights. I turn around when I hear Mum sing for the second time that day;

“Happy birthday to you!” she's walking in with YES IT’S THE CHOCOLATE CAKE!!!!!!!!! “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Amanda, Happy birthday to you!”

OH. MY. UNICORNS!

I blow the candles out but I don’t dare close my eyes in case it disappears.

The cake is right here, it IS real!

I can intensely smell the sweet sugar of the chocolate cream on top. Mum cuts through the crunchy bits of real chocolate sprinkle to reveal a smooth creamy mousse that is just going to melt in my mouth! But wait, she hits a layer of solid chocolate! Oh my I did NOT expect this! The knife continues to surprise as it slices through to another layer of cake bliss being more chocolate cream and dense, thick, gooey, cake: That’s five layers! This is the BEST CAKE EVER!

I look to the cats Sir Fluffball and Cuddles who smile and meow as their shiny armor returns. The fanfares begin and Fairies start to dance once more. The knights and elves all gather to share the great birthday of Princess Amanda and her magnificent cake of chocolate finally!

Happiness swirls through my heart on clouds of chocolate marshmallows as my birthday dream is fulfilled.

I don’t even remember going to sleep that night as we stayed up celebrating in our castle.

The adult in me thinks how strange it is how something so small could have such a profound effect on a young child. I smile as I take another sip of champagne; those days of magical imagination when cakes seemed so big. I wonder if I ever told my mum how much I appreciated her efforts, especially as it was just the two of us and our cats for so long.

Chocolate has always been my favourite, she knew it as only mums do.

My Mum would go to any length to make me as happy as possible to keep my dreams alive….

.. all in the name of making sure her little girl would be having a slice of chocolate cake on her birthday.