Dads: Bodysurf with Your Kids

New dads and old seasoned veterans alike. Grandpas and uncles and anything else in between. I'm not wise by any chance, I am just a daughter of a regular American dad, but I have one thing to say to you and one thing only: surf with your kids.

When I was 10, I started to understand the ocean and after that, it became my obsession. I did other things here and there but at the end of the day, it was only surfing that mattered. It still matters to me. I took after my dad and was a bodysurfer/bodyboarder first though. All of my life, all I wanted was for my half-Hawaiian-by-night father to bodysurf with me when I did. My dad is a fantastic bodysurfer, as the rest of my family is. But out of the 17 years of my life, eight years of bodysurfing, and five years of being a hardcore ocean babe, bodysurfing and surfing almost whenever I could; I can only recall an amount on my hand the number of times he stepped foot in our waters back home. Even if it was the dead of summer, water 70 degrees, it wasn't good enough for him. His excuse was that he was "used to Hawaii's waters" and thought that our side of the Pacific was too cold. I shrugged it off when I was younger because I thought it was a valid excuse, but as I got older, and as I got better, stronger, etc., I just saw this as an excuse. When I was out of hours and hours and hours on end, he would sit on the shore for hours and hours and hours and hours and either a.) boss me around (most of the time yelling from the shore like a maniac) or b.) complain secretly about how boring it was to sit for hours on end at the beach while I was out there surfing. To this day, none of those outcomes make sense to me. Like I said, my dad was (and is) an amazing bodysurfer, but, out of all of the years I went out, he never went in with me. He only went in a handful of times and all of the other times, he sat on shore bossing me around. Do you see what's wrong with this picture?

To the dads reading this, next time you go to the beach, look at the child to parent ratio in the water. Look around and think, "how many kids are out there (insert water sport here) and how many parents are sitting on shore?" How many parents are actually in the water with their children (and I mean children over the age of 7, though all ages matter), actively participating in whatever water sport their child enjoys? I guess it doesn't even have to be any surfing of any sort, but I do have to say from experience, it means the most.

My biggest advice to give to parents is bodysurf with your kids. Please get my message and realize that this isn't just about a grudge between my dad and I, but more so a deeper philosophy of involving your kid(s) in the hobby that you once participated in actively and maybe want to pass down to them. Don't intrude on their space, but give them guidance when they may be down on themselves or can't figure out something. Give them tips. Laugh while you're in the water. Talk about things or don't talk at all if that's how you do things. Maybe enjoying each other's company is worth it. Scheme up things! Ride party waves together! Crash into each other while going over the falls. Laugh some more about what a fail it was. IT'S THOSE KINDS OF THINGS THAT THEY WILL REMEMBER FOR THE REST OF THEIR DAYS!

PARENTS, your actions and wordsmatter. Act as though you are their guidance counselor, best friend, and coach, in that order and of that order. It creates a balance of authority and friendliness between your kid. Support your kids in whatever they do and tell them that nothing is impossible. But also, don't just say it; give them the tools to achieve their dreams young because when they're young and they do something right, they'll have the confidence to do anything. And once they are older, they'll never be afraid to try anything. Speak words that are kind and that matter. Please please, I ask of you dads to have conversations with your kid that matter. There's a big difference between asking your kid who their day went and then just talking to them like they're your friend. Ask your kid about themselves and their lives and pick apart their mind and then tell them stupid, funny stories from your youth that relate to them on some level. But do it when their young so that you become like their friend. I say like their friend because I warn you, don't try too hard to become their best friend. They're going to revolt now or later in their teens. Talk to them and be with them like they're your friend but don't try to be their best friend. They need kids their age too but they also equally need to have a dad that did and does things with them and told them funny stories and was there for them when they were down.

My basic point is, just try and do stuff with them on the weekend or on the weekdays. Whenever you have time, go do something. If they want to go and do something, go and do it with them! If they surf, let them surf after school and be out there with them! If they like to ride bikes, then let them go explore. Go find trails and ride. Go to museums and coffeeshops with them if their older and down in the dumps about school or work or relationships. Take the time to listen to them and show your support and talk to them. Take them somewhere cool every weekend. Show them your old haunts. Just be proactive with them. I know parenting isn't easy.I have no right to be talking about this since I'm just a daughter, but speaking from a daughter's prospective, be proactive with your kids early on.

Go and do shit with them! Be in the water with them! Take interest in what they are interested in and participate with them in it! They will die with those good memoriesinstead of bad, resentful ones. Do as much as you can with them when their young so that they'll always have you in the back of their minds as someone that they don't hate when they turn teenagers. I know for a fact that if you were there for them when they were young (or even now), they won't hate you when they get older, even if they just act like it. They may hang out with their friends all of the time, but there will be those wonderful little pockets of time where you guys hang out again or at the very least, you guys are on good terms. That's all I could hope for for parents, is to be on good terms with your kids. Like I told you, I'm 18 and I've had this bad relationship with my dad. One of the reasons we never got along was because of our personalities but also because of the fact that he never supported or got involved in anything that I enjoyed. And the odd fact was, that in a lot of things that I loved, he influenced—so there wasn't a lot of friction between any of our hobbies. I like to surf, bodysurf/bodyboard, bike, hike, camp... my dad also love(d) all of those things as well. When I was little, yes, I was in dance and gymnastics but still, I was willing to do those things on the weekends. He never did those things with me. And sadly, that's probably what I'm going to remember for the rest of my life—my dad sitting on the shore. Willing to take me to the beach, boss my ass around, but never go in the water.

Because of this, I plan to be different (if I ever feel so inclined to be a mom) myself. I will be the one who shows my baby the ocean, and teaches them about the sea. I will show them the forests, and talk to them about the trees and the land and the air that we breathe. I will show them skateparks and let them scrape their knees and give them their first board and teach them maneuvers and let them bleach their already bleach blonde hair with blue streaks because they should be able to. I'll give them bikes so that they can run around in bike gangs with their friends but make sure that they come home at dusk and ride with me somewhere new on the weekends, anywhere and everywhere. I would be there for them as their coach but also as their mom and as their friend. You have to be a little of all.

Please, dads (moms, I suppose too), get out in the water with your kids this weekend. Don't sit on the shore and watch.

xx

-lo