Cold Feet

It's been a couple of months since I've been on vocal. Every one gets busy with their lives right? Things are getting stressful for myself and my little family. We are trying to make sure we do what we need to do for ourselves to stay sane during this time. My partner does programing as a creative outlet. When I saw this challenge, I was unsure what I could write about. I'm an artistic person, but I've lost most of my connection to those things. Probably because I feel like it has to be big, grand, and perfect for other people.

I love to draw, paint, make comics, and design things. I've lost touch with that. I do those things every once in a while, but not enough that I can call it a hobby anymore.

The one thing that I still do on a regular basis is write songs.

Song writing is a big part of my character. I wish I had the courage to share my songs with more people, but only three individuals have heard me sing my own songs. My best friend, son, and one band member in my home town. The band member said, "wow, you sound like a Disney princess," and wanted to work with me on the songs, and change them. I refused, and I've always felt like that was a mistake. Maybe I should have considered it, I don't think I'd be where I am today, if I had gone that direction with my life, at that time.

I would love to make a living on my artistic passions but it just seems impossible. Whenever an opportunity arises I think to myself, 'yeah I could totally do that, nothing's stopping me.' Then my whole world goes dark, and I feel like I'm going to faint. I feel like I'm stuck. Then I get cold feet, and decide it wasn't worth trying anyway.

Sometimes I feel that way about challenges on this platform, even just writing random prompts that aren't part of any kind of challenge. I end up stopping myself from getting out there. My sister loves my stories and I'm good at making them, but like I said, I feel like I've lost my touch.

There are stories I've made, and comics I've drawn that I could probably get published but the thought of it freaks me out. I honestly don't know if it's the failure that worries me or the success. If I succeed, then those publishers may ask more from me that I don't have, or give me intimidating deadlines. If I fail then I might be used as a bad example for schools. Maybe it's both sides of this spectrum that terrify me.

I've been used as a bad example many a time since elementary for different reasons. That doesn't make the thought of my writing an easier. I know I'm being silly to some of my readers because criticism is a part of life and I have to accept that, and I have. Something about being an example for shitty writing or just being shitty rubs me the wrong way.

This is also why I write songs. To make myself feel better about these situations. I already have most of my songs written on Vocal. I don't have my son's lullaby's written on here though, so I might share those with my readers.

The process of my song writing normally begins with the course, and I continue till the outro. Then I work my way back and try to find a great sounding intro. Making the song is fun but actually singing it, is what makes me feel better. Slapping good rhymes together gives me a satisfied feeling. Signing my song to the beat I want, and as loud as I want it makes me feel as light as the air after a thunder storm.

It's like when you're trying not to yell, so you end up crying instead, your body is trying to release tension. That's what singing does for me, it helps me release tension in my body, sometimes more than I realized I was holding onto.

There's been times I've tried to write love songs but they never work out. I never feel the urge to sing a song when I'm in love. Only when I'm being triggered. However, I have been able to make lighter songs since my son was born.

Here are some of his lullabies;

My Little Gentle Man

Chorus:

My little gentle man, your doing the best you can. Yes you are, yes you are, yes you are.

My little gentle man, your such a good helping hand. Yes you are, yes you are, yes you are.

My little gentle man your such a good, good friend. Yes you are, yes you are, yes you are.

Verse 1:

My little gentle man your so polite, and so nice.

My little gentle man your so patient, and so kind.

Chorus:

My little gentle man, your doing the best you can. Yes you are, yes you are, yes you are.

My little gentle man, your such a good helping hand. Yes you are, yes you are, yes you are.

My little gentle man your such a good, good friend. Yes you are, yes you are, yes you are.

Verse 2:

My little gentle man, your so brave, and well behaved, and so grand.

Yes your my little gentle man.

Chorus:

My little gentle man, your doing the best you can. Yes you are, yes you are, yes you are.

My little gentle man, your such a good helping hand. Yes you are, yes you are, yes you are.

My little gentle man your such a good, good friend. Yes you are, yes you are, yes you are.

Outro:

My little gentle man you have such a strong heart.

Yes your my little gentle man. Yes you are, yes you are, yes you are.

I was inspired to write this song to give positive reinforcement to my son. He is only seven months old but, he is a very well behaved baby. I'm going to continue singing this song to him as a toddler, a preschooler and probably into elementary. I've seen some accounts where tribes would tell a person how incredible they are after they've done something bad. To remind them that, that's not who they are. I have faith that this song I've made for my son will do the same thing for him.

Sweet Nothings

When the sun goes down, and the stars come out, it's time for us to close our eyes and dream about sweet nothings.

There could be fireflies, and the most beautiful of skies. You could even dream about your magic inside.

(This song is repeated until he falls asleep.)

I made this song up on the spot while my son was really colicky one night. The fairy lights in my living room were on and the sun was just setting. The fairly lights are what reminded me of fireflies. The sunset made me think of all the different color skies there are at twilight.

Prince of The Mountains

Prince of the mountains you have such a beautiful home. Oh oh oh.

Full of mighty creatures and sparkling snow. Oh oh oh.

All four seasons kiss your kingdom it's warm and it's cold, the weather's bold. Oh oh oh.

Prince of the mountains, no matter where you go, the mountains still know, that this is your home. Oh oh oh.

(Also repeated until he falls asleep.)

This song I wrote for my son in the middle of the day. We live in the rocky mountains and he and I were both born in the same place, so I made him a prince of the mountains. We always get large creatures in our town too. Bears, cougars, and elk.

I have more but I think that's enough examples. Right now I'm more focused on songs for my son. Today I tried making a song that was a bit more intense but it was too much for him. He prefers my sweet songs. He's a sweet heart so that makes sense.

Singing my own songs gives me peace of mind and once I feel like all I wanted to say has been said I can rest easy. If I wanted to say more then I would just write another song and sing my heart out again.