Boys Need to be Boys

The parents were struggling of what they should do help their 7 year old son focus in school. He just started grade 1. By nature he was loud, upbeat, friendly, rambunxious, and full of boyish energy. These amazing qualities in him however were beginning to become a determent to his performance in the classroom. I have said before that the public school system was not designed for specific kinds of children. Especially high active extroverted boys. To tell a young boy to sit still in his seat and focus his attention on the teacher hours on end is near to impossible. However in the public school system that is our expectation of children. Forcing them to make their bodies and brains to do things that they are not designed for or skilled and mature enough to do. Be a good little child and sit still and listen to the teacher. The parents of this child were at a loss of what to do with their son to get him to focus and perform in the school setting. They did come to a conclusion which is the same standard decision people make in these situation. Just put him on medication. So they did. This young boy would take his medication in the morning before school. By the time he arrived at school and was seated at his desk he was focused. However the problem with this decision occurred when he went outside for recess and lunch. When he was finally in the proper setting to let his energy out in an an outdoor environment he did not have energy to let out because his innate natural boyish energy was sedated from the medication that he was on. He tried to play games with his friends and rough house and run around but he did not have the same fire that he used to have. It was difficult to watch. I approached him and asked him how he was feeling. The young boy informed me that he was not feeling well and he has stomach ache. I assumed from what he said that the dosage of his medication was slightly off balance and causing his stomach to hurt. When he returned to class he was capable of sitting and doing his work however it was done with a lack of enthusiasm and energy. He informed me that he likes the fact that he can focus on his school work and that he is happy to make his parents happy that he focus on his work, but he wished that he can have the same amount of energy to play and engage with his friends. He told me that his friend were unenthused about laying with him because he could not socialize in the same way with them that he used to be able to do. Because of his sedated energy level he could not keep up with his friends and it was effecting his friendship with his friends. From my perspective I knew that males are competitive by nature and it is that innate competitive bond that creates strong friendships among males. The medication that this young boy was on depleted all the competition out of him which effected his friendship dynamic with his friends and as a result he became socially isolated from the other children. The parents were informed that they need to find a healthy balance for him. He needs to be able to be focused on his academics and at the same time have the energy to play with friend and unleash that healthy boy energy. The parents complied and and did what they needed to do get a healthy balance of medication so the young boy can focus and play with his friend, and he was happier then he can be. We have a tendency to look down on wild competitive male energy, that it is a quality that we must beat out of young boys and teach them to sit still and focus and listen. A lot of the time a school daily structure was not made for boys with ADHD. There brain chemistry does not allow them to sit still and focus hours on end they need that break to run and move and be physical and competitive with each other, it is how males bond with each other. Take a father and a son for example, studies have shown that rough physical play within a father son relationship as monumental emotional health benefits in bonding the father and the son together. Males were made to be physical beings. I had a young boy that I worked with years ago and he had an extremely difficult time sitting in class and listen to the teacher and staying focused on the task at hand. It was almost painful to watch him struggle to try and sit still and force his brain and body to stay focused. When I would observe him in the classroom setting it was almost as if he was in physical and emotional pain trying to force himself to be the student that the teachers wanted him to be. During the summer I began taken boxing classes. I bought myself a pair of boxing gloves at the store. So I came up with the idea of doing boxing classes with him during recess and lunch. He would put on the gloves and I would hold the pads and I would teach him proper punching techniques proper boxing foot work and and would have him exhaust himself until he had trouble standing. Then he would return to the classroom and his ability to sit still and focus on his academics dramatically improved it was not perfect but he was actually able to be productive in the classroom. That showed me that putting a young boy on medication to sedate his innate boyish energy is not always the best solution. It can be seen as an easy fix to. It is putting a bandage on a gun shot wound. It is time better spent explaining to the young boy that his energy is not bad and nobody should every make him feel that he is bad child for not being able to control his energy. He needs to be told that the best way to use his energy is to channel it. Into something productive that will benefit his life and move his life forward. Such as being on a sports team or taking up Mix Martial Art. So he can learn the proper knowledge and physical and emotional discipline that he will not learn from being on medication. It is a slower process but a more productive and permanent solution to the problem. All boys since the time they are born all have one thing in common, an innate hunter warrior nature. It our social culture and modern world that systematically beats that warrior mentality out of boys. All young boys want to do at a young age is run around in the woods play sticks and rocks and play war with each other. However in our modern time we discourage this behavior from young boys because we think it is harmful for there development. Boys need to be allowed to be in touch with there natural selves and be the loud energetic warriors that nature has designed them to be, but also maintaining respect to themselves, others and their community. For boys to be happy and healthy they need to be encouraged to let their energy out in socially productive ways. In failing to do so they will feel shamed and guilty for being a boy which will result into troubled men. Boy must always be boys.