Being a Super Parent While Addressing Childhood Trauma

You become a mom. Congratulations! I'm a mom too. Regardless of how many children you have, each child you have is different, including the labor, birth, you name it. Being a mom is awesome. However, when you've got unresolved childhood trauma, some days are a lot better than others. Can you relate?

I'm a mom of 5 awesome little ones who are all like me in some way. I find myself trying to give them everything I didn't have, and when I say that, I mean essentials that I should have had, like a stable family foundation and other essentials, such as water and lights. Am I coming across clear?

Anyway, when you become a parent, not just a mom, and you've experienced a lot of negative things in your childhood, having a bundle of joy of your own is exciting and terrifying. Well, I guess I can only speak for myself. I was terrified, and I think I still am.

You look at your child(ren) and think, how did I get so lucky, so blessed? You also look at them and look at yourself, and sometimes negativity gets the best of you, and you start thinking, "what if I mess them up somehow?" "what if I'm just as toxic as my family?" These thoughts alone can make you want to shut down and shut off from the world.

I deal with everything on my own. You want to talk about fighting demons? Man, don't get me started. You wake up every day and do the best you can, and you start realizing you have to do more because your best isn't going as far as it used to. Whether you're a single parent, married, co-parent, or whatever the case may be, parenting is the hardest job you will ever have and the most rewarding job at the same time. There is no handbook, but you know there are things that you want and don't want for your child.

When you're fighting your childhood trauma and trying your best to prevent your children from experiencing the same, it's tiring, and it's a never-ending story. It seems like everywhere you turn, there's a trigger. You know how toxic some of your relatives can be, so you keep your children's interaction with these family members to a minimum.

Your children believe you are the best thing since Betty White and sliced bread, but in your mind, you are the biggest failure. That's the negativity talking! I often sit and compare myself today, as a parent, my parents, and me when I was my children's ages. There are so many differences.

You want your children to explore the world, but don't want them to steer too far because you want to keep a close eye on them. You've had a chance to experience the worst the world has to offer before you even knew something was wrong, and you've become an overprotective mama or papa bear because of that.

Dealing with the fear that comes over you when and if they leave the house without you. Something that seems so simple as going to school. It's like your childhood traumas have instilled a sense of fear in you that is unshakable.

Some days you feel unstoppable and you manage to get everything done. Other days, you can't get out of bed and all the negative events that occurred in your childhood won't stop flooding your mind. Is there an off switch?

In the instances when you find out at a young age that some people can't keep their hands and other objects to themselves, and nothing is said or done about it, you kind of give up hope at a young age, or maybe you're blamed for the events that occurred, and you couldn't have possibly been at fault as a child of 7 years old, or maybe it's all in your mind, or so a therapist suggests. No help at all there. They blame your "acting out" and sudden aggressive behavior on your absent father. How can you miss a stranger? How can you miss someone who wasn't there? Maybe the thought or idea of having a present, active father or mother is great, but you don't have that, so how can you miss it?

Through all the things you've been through, at the end of the day, you're doing it. You're handling business. You're taking care of your children, and you're their see-all-be-all. And if no one has ever told you or told you today, I am proud of you! It takes a lot to try to silence your demons so you can hear and enjoy your children's laughter. Keep being an awesome super mom or super dad!