Being a Loner Is Not a Bad Thing

I have been a divorced mother for the past sixteen years, and my daughter has left to college, graduated after three and half years, moved back but this time with her boyfriend, got married and moved to Idaho. Afterwards, I became somewhat of a loner, though I come from a very large family, plenty of brothers and sisters, nieces, nephews and cousins that I can't count without putting it on paper. I participated at every single birthday party, wedding, baby shower, family trip and come from a family that does nothing else out of their circle. Literally, my family can get together every weekend at someone's house for years and years and years and this is all they ever want to do.

To me, it just gets old. I like traveling to different parts of the world, so I do, alone or with a friend. I love to read and learn new things, new skills. I remember the first time I went on a three day cruise all by myself. The gossip was endless. Not one of my sisters believed me when I said I went alone. And those that pretended to believe me told me I was crazy. So imagine how hard it is to live in a world where you are surrounded by a huge family, having more brothers and sisters than one can ever wish for, yet preferring to be alone doing your own thing. That's me.

After getting kind of tired of seeing the same people, the same faces, weekend after weekend, getting together to talk about the same things over and over again and drinking alcohol every weekend, I began to dodge all the invitations. I started hanging out with myself. I joined the gym, I got myself a puppy. I switched red wine for hot tea. I went through an intense period of self reflection, meditation. I've read hundreds of books, I went on a cruise to visit different islands every other month for about ten years straight. I participated in family events only for two Holidays: Thanksgiving and Christmas. It feels so good to meet up with the family and actually have things to talk about. This can only happen when you don't see each other so often. Social media also has a strong effect on wanting to mingle or not with your family. Those of us that use social media to post everything from what we eat for breakfast or every gym workout to what we do every other hour is like giving accountability for everything we do, therefore when one meets up, there's nothing to talk about, everyone that follows you already knows what you've been up to.

I am convinced that all the social media platforms out there are used to keep us occupied looking at what each other are doing instead of focusing on what we need to do for ourselves, such as reading and writing about that things we truly love and like to do. I strongly feel that when one is addicted to social media, one stops living their own life and people seem to be competing against each other for acceptance and likes. Everyone is into checking who's having the most fun. Who goes out the most, who's popping more bottles, who's shopping more, who has what and who is self-called "Blessed."

It's gotten so bad that you see a beautiful family of four, enjoying dinner at a restaurant and while the adults are each going through their phones, the children are glued to their tablets. How sad is this? So wait a minute, you mean to tell me you took out your family for some nice quality time, to a beautiful restaurant, so that each of you can be glued to your handheld device, ignoring each other? Yes, unfortunately, this is the world we are now living in. Technology has taken over our lives and as long as we, the adults, keep setting that example for our kids, that will be tomorrow's new society.

Let's set the example by limiting the time we spend with our phones and other devices in hand. Let's talk to each other in person, instead of talking to others while we are with each other. Let's bring back "Family quality time."

Written with love by:

Jeannette Perez