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Australia's most deadly animals

TW: family violence themes

By JTPublished 2 years ago Updated 2 years ago 3 min read
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Image: Shuttershock

Australia is known for its dangerous animals.

We have 20 of the 25 most venomous snakes in the world, and including the most venomous of all: The Inland Taipan.

The Inland Taipan has enough venom in one bite to kill 100 humans. But when you actually look at the stats, the Inland Taipan is not much more than a big spicy worm. There’s not a single recorded human fatality from its bite—to our knowledge.

What about all those man-eating crocodiles, drop bears, and sharks!?

Fair point, the shark alert siren is something that every beach-going Australian knows and dreads. Over 300 razor sharp teeth lurking below the surface with a bite force that could smash through steel. I mean thanks to Hollywood the Great White Shark even has its own horror soundtrack!

The truth is, the Great White is a bit of a fussy eater. In almost every shark attack recorded, the Great White has spit out its victim after one bite – surfers look a lot like delicious seals from below, but we don’t taste like one up close.

While we’re on the topic of Australia’s beautiful beaches, our coastlines are also home to perhaps the most toxic animal on the planet, the Box Jellyfish or the ‘Fire Medusa’. One touch from the Fire Medusa and you will be completely immobilised, your nervous system shutting down almost instantly. If you don’t drown, the toxins will send you into cardiac arrest within minutes.

Yet the most toxic animal on the planet kills barely one person every three years.

For all the bravado, Australia’s most deadly animals tend to pull their punches. Well, for the most part.

There is one that is seriously deadly. With over 260,000 attacks every year, or one every two minutes, it's nothing to joke about. One death every single week and by far the leading cause of death, injury and disability for Australian women aged 15-44 years old.

Australia’s most deadly animal is...

The Toxic-Dad.

Up to one in four Australian children grow up with a Toxic-Dad in their homes. Not to be confused with the harmless Common-Dad, the Toxic-Dad is a vicious subspecies that has been contaminated with high doses of ‘insecure masculinity’ from a young age. Left unchecked, the Toxic-Dad grows to be particularly aggressive. He is easily offended and frantic to control his surroundings. The Toxic-Dad is known to use manipulation, gaslighting, intimidation and violence to dominate those unlucky enough to encounter him.

Specialist pest control services, the Australian Police, have reported that deadly home attacks are rapidly increasing:

“We are seeing more and more Toxic-Dads making their way into Australian homes," Says one pest control specialist, "They camouflage themselves as Common-Dads and fool our pest control officers and on lookers alike.”

By Mike Stevens on Unsplash

If you encounter a Toxic-Dad in Australia, it is best to make as much noise as possible. These creatures are easily spooked and especially vulnerable to being called out. In fact, leading scientists believe that the act of talking about Toxic-Dads is the best means of species control.

"One of the reasons why Toxic-Dad numbers are out of control in Australia at the moment is because people think if you stay quiet, the creature will leave you alone. It's a common misconception that you can just roll your eyes and look away." Says anonymous.

If you are lucky enough to survive a Toxic-Dad encounter, many people are left with intense feelings of shame and guilt, these are the lasting effects of the creature's toxicity. Health professionals have found that the best-known antidote to a Toxic-Dad attack is large and regular doses of societal awareness, support, and empathy; in particular, believing the survivors has been shown to increase outcomes.

If you are worried about a deadly encounter with a Toxic-Dad in Australia, remember this survival rule of thumb:

Toxic-Dads are no joke, but Common-Dads are nothing but jokes.

And how do you identify a Common-Dad joke?

It will be apparent.

satire
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About the Creator

JT

Stories that have either been written over a bottle of wine

or while I should be doing my assignments.

Jaimee | Australia

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