Are You Jealous of the Other Grandparents?

Your son’s wife gave birth to a beautiful baby and you couldn’t be happier. The good times are ahead: Watching this little bundle of joy grow up through shared moments together. It’s what most grandparents wish for.

Yet, that hasn’t worked out…at all. You are forced to play second fiddle to your daughter-in-law’s parents. They spend all the time they want with their precious granddaughter, and you are left with, “We’ll call you when we need a babysitter.”

Is that what you have been relegated to? A glorified babysitter…Someone to call when your son and his wife are in a jam?

While the other grandparents get to heap attention on the little one whenever they want. Apparently this situation is not unique.

In a Reddit thread, the OP says his parents are jealous of his wife’s parents who get to spend more time with the grand children:

“My parents last time we met bemoaned that they ’know their place in the pecking order’ and wanted to know if it's because of them or something about the house that stops us visiting, which really upset my wife as she felt attacked having to justify visiting her own mum. When I spoke to my mum and asked her to apologise she just said that they feel we're excluding them, and we spend far more time with the other grandparents because we go to visit them for a week.”

Wow, there’s a pecking order when it comes to grandparents? I guess so. And the results can be devastating. It would seem natural that the mom would be closer to her own parents and thus spend more time with them, bringing the kids along.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Maybe all the scheduling does fall to women. (I guess we’re just more organized?!) If moms try to divided time equally between both sets of grandparents, feelings won’t get hurt, and your relationship with your in-laws may actually improve.

What Grandparents Should Say to their Adult Child

In this article, Psychologist Dr. Joshua Coleman answered a heartbreaking letter from grandparents feeling left out:

“My husband and I are being treated like we’re second-class citizens in regards to our lovely grandchildren. While that would be painful enough, we have to see on Facebook all the photos of our grandchildren going on vacation with her parents, having them watch the kids while my son and his wife are out of town, and playing with them at their house- it’s really too much and I can’t take it. Whenever I complain to my son about it he just gets angry or defensive or is in a hurry to get off of the phone. I also worry that it’s going to affect our relationships with our grandchildren over time if we don’t get to spend the kind of time with them that they deserve. I already am starting to feel like they’re getting more distant and don’t know us. Is there anything I or we can do?”

He suggests asking your son if there’s anything that you’re currently doing that makes them concerned about your being with the grandkids.

Also tell your son and daughter-in-law what you would like without complaining.

I agree with Dr. Coleman’s advice. I am not a grandparent yet, but I wonder how we can feel less jealous. I mean, there will always be one set of grandparents that spend more time with the children simply because they live closer.

Also, as the mother of an adult son, I feel like my husband I may get the short end of the stick, simply because my future daughter-in-law will like spend more time with her parents than us.

And I understand that. but it doesn’t mean I won’t lobby (politely) for more time with my future grandbabies!