An emotional roller coaster

He fanned the notes in front of his face and smiled. Was this a moment of pure joy that he would always remember? Probably. He made a mental note to get his little black book out later and phone his friends to gloat. He had never held this much money in his hands. The smile widened. He thought about those closest to him and if he could make them feel as good as he was right now. He wondered if this was empathy or generosity.

With this amount of cash he could afford to be kind the next time he was owed money. Why not be up front and tell everyone that? Nah, that would be a bit inconsiderate. Best to just surprise them when the moment arrived. Luck had rarely been on his side quite like this.

Just yesterday he had been browsing through the online store and dreaming of having the finances to buy the new laptop he so desperately wanted. Last week he had mournfully window shopped at the supermarket wincing at the price tag on the new jeans that he liked.

He wondered how it must feel to be able to just click online at anything that caught someone’s interest or walk into a shop and flash a wad of bills at the cashier. He wasn’t working presently; the job adverts had been woefully few and far between lately. Living at home was not something that he was proud of. His friends would go out drinking every Friday and Saturday night and he would only go with them maybe once a month. These thoughts caused his mood to sour as he recalled the looks on the faces of his friends and the feelings of inadequacy at going without things.

The sour mood was quickly replaced by guilt as he reminded himself that a lot of people were worse off than he was. His mate Jeffrey was homeless. His ex-girlfriend had lost both of her parents in a car accident and he still had his mum and dad. His uncle had just been diagnosed with the big C last month so it was going to be a rough time for that poor bloke. He thought to himself that he really should go and visit Angela and probably also his uncle. Did he want to repair things with Angela? Of course he did! Did she want him back? Well, she had stopped swearing at him whenever they saw each other, so maybe. He started grinning. She said he had the emotional depth of 3 day roadkill. He frowned and convinced himself that the last couple of minutes disproved that.

If Angela didn’t want him back then maybe he would call Bethany. She always smiled when he spoke to her so maybe she was interested. She did smile a lot though. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. What did that phrase mean? If he didn’t ask he wouldn’t get shot down too. He would have to give the matter some further thought. He was pretty sure than Gemma liked him but she really wasn’t his type. Gemma just never shut up. There are bubbly personalities and then there’s Gemma.

He caught his new train of thought and felt more guilt, he really shouldn’t be so critical of people. Especially nice people like Gemma. He made a mental note to try to remember to be more positive with the people he met and spent time with. He knew he was no prize in the beauty stakes and he never quite knew when to participate in conversation. Ok, he was going to call Angela, then Bethany, and then he would even call Gemma.

He was brought abruptly back to earth as his sister swept the Monopoly board off the kitchen table with an angry flourish.