A Snake In The Grass,

My Dad was the king of pranksters. At least to ten-year-old me it sure seemed that way. Back in the 1970s when employers still had company picnics, everyone knew about Gar. He was known to sneak a smoke bomb under the hood or strategically locate a firecracker onto your car. He was always looking for the next prank to pull on someone. Somewhere he found a very realistic rubber snake about 6 feet long which we lovingly began calling Pete. It pretty much looked like a harmless rat snake, a jumbo rat snake but harmless even in real life.

Mother felt differently probably because she was the snake's first victim when Dad hid Pete in the shopping cart the day, he found him. My Dad, however, loved that snake, or at least he loved the reactions he got from the people he scared with it. The old jokester used the snake to scare just about everyone in the family, plus several friends and coworkers. My older brother and I soon learned our father's ways and began hiding the snake ourselves.

Hiding the rubber snake under someone's car was our first trick. We learned that under the bed is also great, as long as your target doesn't have a weak heart. I think my aunt saw it behind the toilet and let out a screech heard throughout the house. Any place around the backyard was also great, especially when our friends or cousins came over. With Dad, my older brother, and myself pranking everyone we soon ran out of victims as the whole family soon grew to expect it.

Creativity became necessary to find new prey for our tomfoolery. My brother and I were home alone with nothing to do one warm summer day. So naturally, we began thinking about how and on who we could use Pete next. Looking out the window we noticed our new next-door neighbor coming home and an idea began to hatch. Through the window, we clearly saw him in his kitchen eating his lunch. Being the youngest I soon got drafted to go place the snake. Sneaking over to the front stoop of our marks house I place the snake as naturally as possible in the grass where he will surely see it. I retreated to the house while he finished his lunch.

Now back inside the house my pranking partner and I opened the curtains just enough to allow us to peer out at the snake. Settling down to wait for what seemed like hours for the neighbor to come out and see our friend in his grass. I remember thinking this guy must have a long lunch period. Eventually, he did emerge and we watched carefully like some kind of secret agents until he noticed the snake and froze in his tracks, turning white as a sheet, obviously a victim of ophidiophobia, the fear of snakes. Finally, after a few seconds, he regains his composure and very slowly backs into his home shutting the door gently, leaving us disappointed by his lack of a reaction. Now what? We ask each other, how do we get the snake back before dad gets home.

A few minutes pass when we hear his front door opening carefully. Our intended victim slowly comes out onto the stoop carefully eyeing the snake in the grass before him. He slowly raised his arm and that’s when we saw it. I certainly wasn’t a gun expert at 10 but I think I knew a 38 special when I saw one. There it was in his hand and pointed at our beloved Pete. We watch intently not sure what to expect when he fired the pistol from a very close range shooting the rubber fiend lurking in his yard. The single shot rang out so loudly that it must have alerted everyone on our block. We laughed so hard we were afraid he would hear us through the window. Seeing that he had scored a direct hit he backed into his house, apparently to lay down his weapon before returning to pick up his kill.

He returned to the stoop and knelt to inspect the kill as we peered out the window trying to stifle our laughter. He must have realized it was fake because he suddenly grabbed it up glaring at it angrily. He looked around to see who was watching and we dived for cover afraid he would see us in the window. Too scared to approach the window we hear his front door slam, then we hear his car start up and drive away. After we were sure he wasn’t returning, I was again volunteered to go next door and see what remained of Pete. All I could find was a big divot of ground missing and a few small pieces of rubber. The snake killer had taken the rest with him.

It began to sink in that when Dad got home, he would definitely miss the snake and wonder where what had happened. We decided, wisely, that the truth would be the best route. When Dad got home from work, we excitedly told him the tale of what had happened. We were very nervous as we were unsure how he would react. To our great relief he laughed so hard he almost fell off the very couch we had used earlier for our surveillance.

Pete will be missed; however, he lives on in your reading of this tale. Even now I have no idea if the neighbor ever knew who placed the counterfeit snake, that he murdered, there on that summer day.