A Family that Plays Together Stays Together

Remember as a kid sitting at home and playing The Game of Life? Players moved a little plastic car token along a multicolored road gameboard. Each person began on the first space labeled START and proceeded to the final space labeled RETIREMENT.

During each turn, players twisted the spinner to see how many spaces they moved and then followed the directions on the space where they landed. Most spaces were gold and prompted life events such as make the honor roll, pay taxes, have children (sometimes twins), lose a job, or get a raise.

Green spaces provided a pay day. Every player stopped immediately on the orange spaces and were required to follow the directions, oftentimes coupled with a decision: go to college or get a job; take financial risks or spend more time with family; change careers or maintain the status quo. And just like real life, surprises popped up randomly that penalized the players.

As a child, I loved playing this game that allowed me to act grown-up and make decisions. I remember moving a small plastic car and filling it with children in the form of pink and blue pegs. As we played, we dreamed of what might be and grew excited at possibilities.

Now, as a retired adult looking in the rearview mirror, I realize as kids we never really understood the consequences of our actions and choices. We played a game and laughed but in reflection there are many lessons that the board game never mentioned.

If I reinvented this game with a variation, it would have a word added, The Game of Family Life. The spaces would share lessons learned from experiences to teach young players how to build a loving, supportive family, reinforcing the cliché, “The family that plays together, stays together.” The spaces would carry these labels and activities would reinforce the theme.

Travel the road together

Since our dating days, my husband and I have always enjoyed each other’s company. Without much conscious thought, I joined activities that interested him, and he became an active participant in my pursuits. Early in our relationship, I realized I had to embrace his passion for speed and adventure.

Players in the game would state one activity they would want to share with a significant other and as the game progressed each space with an instruction would suggest an activity.

Build trust in the relationship

Waterskiing satisfied Randy’s obsessions, so I learned to ski — gradually. Not only did I learn to waterski, but I learned to trust that my man would tie the knot securely, drive straight, and make a U-turn to pick me up when I fell.

When times are rough, hang on

On my first attempt, I had a death grip on the rope until my skis pulled me under. By the third attempt, my weakened body rested completely in my faith that determination would pay off. On the sixth attempt, my body rose above the water with the pull of the boat as my skis glided 20 yards only to become quickly submerged again in the lake.

Laugh, always find the humor in the situation

Imagine my surprise to learn my ride ended because we had to stop and circle back to pick up a friend who fell out of the boat when he became excited at my success , limited as it was. We laughed.

Build a life of common interests

As we continued in our relationship, I learned to admire muscle cars, understand the power in a 350 engine, determine if a car is stock, spot the grill of a ’37 pickup, and identify the fins of a 56 T-Bird.

Recognizing the importance of a balanced relationship, Randy grew to appreciate Shakespeare under the stars, dancing, attending church, and welcomed the lesson that Easter isn’t just a celebration of a bunny.

Choose activities that are family oriented

After five years of marriage, we discovered that a family is more than a husband and wife when our first daughter joined our family. On the way home from the hospital, we stopped to visit friends who had rafted down the Boise River. As Kari Lynn got her feet wet, a new adventure began. We never slowed and in fact maybe the world moved faster.

Create adventures

Our newest passion became motorcycles so Kari rode in a baby sack on my tummy, then in front of Randy, when old enough to hold on she clung onto his back until she progressed to her own machine at the age of 6. She rode everywhere we rode on her personal Peewee 50 Yamaha Trail Bike.

Look at the world from others’ perspectives

When baby Kate arrived, she progressed from the tummy sack to the Peewee Bike and Kari progressed to a larger bike. The girls rode in circles around the yard and whenever possible we would load up the bikes for a ride in the desert, the mountains, or the foothills.

One desert ride caused confusion when Kate struggled to keep up. We didn’t understand her complaints. She was finding the terrain extremely difficult but all we noticed was some grass and bugs on our legs. We didn’t grasp the impact these mild frustrations had on her until we noticed her head reached below our knees. Therefore, the grass and bugs were jumping and waving at eye level. Never a shy child she announced the problem, and our choice of trails altered to accommodate her size.

Include friends in activities

We learned from our daughters. As teenagers, they struggled with friends as is typical for many girls. There were jealous squabbles when spending time with one friend and not another. Our goal became to minimize the tears that fell randomly without notice or warning. Therefore, the gang hung at our house, and we answered to “Mom” and “Dad” no matter who was calling.

Celebrate

It became normal to host Halloween parties, open our home to others during Thanksgiving, and invite everyone interested to accompany us on family camping trips. These often resembled a scene from Wagons Ho with numerous tents, trailers, and campers assembled in one area. The more the merrier rang true.

Embrace eclectic opportunities

The girls tried basketball, soccer, water skiing and often we sat and read, told stories, and sang songs. But their dad’s blood ran through their veins, and true pleasure came with an engine attached. When snowmobiling became an interest, we bought four.

Pull over on the side of the road to play

The first time we rode into the mountains on packed snow-covered trails lined by white embossed trees, I realized pleasure came from more than speed but from the whole experience. When we came to a place to pause, we played in the snow as we made angels, slid down hills, threw snowballs and caught snowflakes on our tongues.

Laugh through the trials on the trail

We still laugh when we tell the story of our ride in Cheyenne, Wyoming. Kate’s machine was difficult to start so Randy showed her how to place a tissue under the throttle before pulling the rope. She did just as she was taught. Only to our dismay it started on the first pull. Her machine started to move and roll down the hill; we assumed it would stop when it reached the bottom of the hill, but it kept going on the flatland and then up the next hill.

Kate had forgotten to remove the tissue. My brave husband jumped aboard his gallant steed (800 Artic Cat Snowmobile) and chased the wayward sled. We all stared wondering what he would do if he got near. Jump from one sled to the other like a cowboy on a runaway horse? We never found out as Kate’s sled circled back around towards us and slammed into a tree. All I could do is laugh and wish the video camera had been in my hands instead of on the escaped sleigh because we could have won “Funniest Home Movies.”

Be willing to try new things

Randy and I have recently retired and though speed still provides pleasure, now it also produces pain. Age steers us to slower pursuits. Recently, I sat at an umbrella table and wrote while my husband golfed the remaining nine holes to complete a round of eighteen.

The first nine I played but I did not make it the second nine because it is a game of disadvantages for a novice. A beginner must hit the ball enough during the first nine holes to claim completing eighteen; the experienced golfer must complete eighteen to get as many strokes as the novice. At first, I feared learning the new game because my athletic prowess is limited; however, Randy’s patience allowed me to move at my own speed and find enjoyment walking the green courses beside him.

Remember to provide space and be an individual

Sometimes, I challenge myself to play eighteen holes but that is only when all the stars align on a perfect day. This arrangement allows me time to write and him the opportunity to chase golf balls without me trailing behind. It is easy for Randy and I to travel separate paths and reach different goals but at the end of the day, we always climb back in the car together.

Often, I wonder if our 40-year marriage is composed of many short games or one never ending adventure. Sometimes, we made up the rules as we went, and other times we threw the rules out the window but each time around the board our relationship grew stronger.

Oh, and if you are wondering what happened to our children, they each live about a mile away and bless us often with visits. They are traveling their own roads, playing their own game.

Side note: The oldest two of the four grandchildren already ride, and the younger two are itching to drive. Photo taken by author, Grandma

How to win the game

The biggest difference between The Game of Life and my modified version is how the winners are identified. In the original, the players count their assets and the player financially worth the most wins. In The Game of Family Life, any smiling player who is relaxed and enjoyed the game wins.

Lockers Speak, a book that shares teenagers' thoughts was published by Brenda Mahler on June 20, 2021. Available on Amazon.

As always if you enjoy my positive outlook on life, visit my blog at I AM My Best!