A Christmas Letter To My Little Girl

It's that time of year again, Christmas time, a holiday that brings families together every year in celebration of gift giving and good eating. Unfortunately, it hasn't really been the joyous occasion that it normally is for me these last couple of years. The reason for that is simple... it's because these last couple of years I haven't been able to spend Christmas with the most important person in my life... I haven't been able to spend them with you.

Last year was the first time that I was forced to endure a Christmas with out you. I've got to admit that while everyday we're apart is a difficult thing to deal with, this holiday is five times as difficult compared to any other day. My favorite aspect of this day, back before everything got so messed up, was spending it with you and having the opportunity to see the smile on your face while opening your presents are playing with the other kids your age in the family. Basically, the best part about Christmas for me was getting to be your dad. So when I had to spend one without you for the first time ever, I was a miserable wreck. Just getting enough strength to get myself out of bed was an impossible task to complete... let alone doing absolutely anything else at all. Well, anything besides crying alone and shouting up at the sky demanding answers to what it was that I had done to deserve not being able to be with you and your mother. Like I said, losing the two of you was painful enough on a normal day but it was a year ago today when it had really hit home on how depressing everyday-life without my family truly was.

That was last year but this year, although it's with out a doubt just as unbearable, this year I've made the decision to deal with our circumstances in a different manner. Which is exactly why I am writing you this letter, call it a Christmas letter for my baby girl. Just like the letters I've written for you before, I want you to know that although we may not be together physically, I am always with you inside your heart and you are always with me inside of mine. You are an amazing, beautiful little gift from above... In fact, I don't need a single gift for Christmas for the rest of my life. Having you as my daughter is by far the greatest present I could ever ask for. You are the ultimate Christmas present!

Maybe the two of us can't spend this day together this year, sure it sucks but (believe it or not) there's a positive aspect to these circumstances. Your probably wondering what good could possibly come out of the two of us being apart during one of the greatest holidays of the year. Well maybe your not, given the fact that your only four years old right now. So lets say that an older Gabriella is reading this some time years from now and she's the one asking that question. In that case the answer will make a whole lot more sense to you. You see, eventually things won't be like this anymore... eventually you and I will be together again. Your mom and I may not be able to go back to how things were but I promise you my daughter, you and I will! Whatever it takes to make that happen, however hard I have to work, however long I have to fight, there isn't a person or thing that will keep you away from me forever.

So the next time that we are able to spend Christmas together again, I can guarantee with 100% certainty, when that day finally comes, there's no way in hell that it'll be taken for granted. On the contrary, I will make sure that I enjoy and savor every singe second. That's because I will remember how much pain it caused me to not be able to do so today. I will remember how hard it was to spend Christmas without you. I will pick up all of this suffering, bear it, and use it to create amazing memories for both of us the very first opportunity I get. That's my promise to you today Gabriella, so no matter what, always remember that even though we are apart... In your heart I am always with you and you will always be the greatest Christmas present that I have ever gotten.

Forever & Always

Love Dad